Here, take this quiz:

Independence Day should NOT mean independence from:
(a) your good sense
(b) your panties
(c) reality
(d) all of the above

Okay, obviously the answer is (a). And if you believe that, skip the rest of this article.

But seriously, Independence Day marks our freedom as an independent United States of America, and for some reason, this has morphed into a gigantular party day.

Which, look, is fine by me. I love partying.

However, may I suggest, for your own sake, that you stop a tequila shot short of blacking out? Here are the top reasons why:

(7) Missing the festivities
I mean, if you can’t remember it, how the flip can you enjoy it? That totally sucks! Especially when you find out you managed to do #6.

(6) Ruining your chances with a hottie
Yes, the odds for this increase dramatically if you are blacked out. During such a state sometime in my sophomore year of college, I allegedly once asked a potential hook-up if he was gay. Um, yeah. That didn’t work out in my favor.

(5) Spilling sh*t on your clothes
Did you or did you not spend $$$ on those hotass shoes?! And did you or did you not just spend two hours getting ready? What the heck was the point if you’re just going to look like a sloppy, stainy drunk?

(4) Saying things you really mean but that you don’t want people to know you mean because they make you look like a jerk
You know how you think your exboyfriend who you’re now “friends” with is a total ahole? Ummm, maybe now, in front of all your mutual friends and multiple strangers, is not the best time to tell him. Ten times. At the top of your lungs.

(3) Puking the next day
Or that night. Or whenever. Puking fricking blows. No pun intended.

(2) Facebook photos.
Need I say more?

(1) Look at it this way:
New dress: $45
Enough drinks to black you the flip out: $65
Walking home the next morning with a brand new STD: Priceless.

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