Confessions of a Big Girl in a Bikini

news-graphics-2008-_660811a1.jpgI did the most daring thing today. I purchased my very first bikini since I was 6. For many of you, this sounds like nothing worth merit; but for me it means a lot.

I’ve always been The Fat Kid who was constantly teased because my thighs were bigger than everyone else’s.

Even after puberty blessed me with hips and boobs to help evenly distribute my weight (thank you, puberty!), my big girl classification never left. In fact, it still dangles over my head as a constant reminder that I’ll never be small. I still never feel 100% comfortable in anything I wear and - despite having several flings and one serious boyfriend - the thought of talking to a guy makes my throat close up and my heart beat like crazy.

Instead of obssesing over my weight, I recently decided to learn to live with my curves and stop cursing them (even though I would like to change some things about my body for health reasons). While putting away clothes at my job at a retail giant I came across a gorgeous solid indigo bikini with with crystal accents. I couldn’t put it down. I just had. to. have. it.

So, I did.

I ventured home and slipped it on, checking myself out in the mirror. I felt beautiful. Sure my belly pooch was visible for all the world to see, but I felt like a goddess. It was exhilarating and exciting and….beautiful.

So ladies, let go of all those bodies insecurities and pull out that bikini or mini dress you’ve been dying to wear (just make sure it actually fits). Your body - no matter what size - is beautiful and you will see that when you put it on.

And, for those of you who have been rocking the bikini forever, the next time you and a group of friends are ready to giggle as you pass that so called “beached whale” donning a two piece, think about how confident she is and hope that one day you’ll actually posses an ounce of pride that she has for looking like a real woman.

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21 Comments

  1. Sarah says :

    What size are you, out of curiosity?

  2. Erin says :

    I was completely 100% with you until that last bit. The fact that size doesn’t matter should work both ways. How exactly does a “real woman” look? A real woman is who you are on the inside. Kudos to you for finding your self confidence though; I know exactly where you’re coming from in that respect, and I’m glad you chose to share it with all of us.

  3. Steve says :

    Why is being overweight seen as being a “real woman”? Would being thin or the proper weight (and, yes, there are parameters for a person’s height and bone type) make a person an “unreal woman”? I realize it’s semantics, but giving the impression to people that being in an unhealthy state (which being overweight is) is fine because it means you are more “real” does not seem like a good idea.

  4. Lauren, University of Michigan says :

    I think this is fantastic! I don’t have a “bikini” body but I wear one whenever I’m laying out. Just because I dont have a visible six pack doesnt mean I’m not sexy.

  5. Kelly - UMass says :

    What an inspirational post. I commend you and congratulate you!

  6. Kelly - UMass says :

    Oh and for Steve’s comment…being a real woman can mean being any size that makes you feel comfortable, not just the stereotypical stick-thin.

  7. Steve says :

    As I said, semantics.

  8. Joey says :

    I agree with Erin. The thin girls who snicker at people like you are bitches, but not because of what they look like. You should know that what they look like does not define who they are. In fact, it goes the other way around.

    If you are truly satisfied with the way you are, and you were at peace then “more power to you.” I may be reading too much into it, but it seems like you want to be thinner and you have settled for being the way you are because that’s how you’ve always been.

    To most big girls who truly want to be thinner, there is nothing stopping you. Oh, except some self-discipline, adversity, sweat, and dedication. Be who you want to be, big or small, and don’t let anybody take anything away from you.

  9. aly says :

    im considered having an athletic physique i workout all the time. I am a personal trainer but i was a little chubby as a kid and i have never worn a bikini in public until two weeks ago when my bf said he’d buy me anything i wanted to suck it up and finally get some confidence and enjoy myself. I had to get completely drunk to get the balls ( i have bad body issues obviously) and will never to it again but it was liberating. so heavy or a size two lots of women have major insecurities. it not about weight its about how you see yourself

  10. leebee says :

    I’m a plus-sized gal, and I definitely commend this post. I, personally, wouldn’t have the guts to don a bikini, but I give lots of kudos to those who arn’t a model size showing their body pride and wearing one. Kudos!! :)

  11. KB says :

    Why aren’t smaller girls allowed to be their smaller size without being “real women”? I agree that many probably haven’t dealt with the same shiz us larger women have, but there’s no reason to generalize all skinny girls as people who will laugh at us. I don’t think many do on the beach anyways. As my mother always said, everyone - EVERYONE - is more concerned with the way they look in a swimsuit than the way YOU look in a swimsuit. The fact that you’d suggest otherwise makes me doubt you possess the amount of confidence you claim to.

    - KB (proud size 14 bikini wearer)

  12. Sarah I’m a size 16…and I totally agree with Kelly about what a real woman looks like. Its time for people we’re not all meant to be stick thin and we’re not all gonna end up obese!

  13. laura says :

    Hey KB…
    As a size 0-2, thanks for saying that us “skinny, stick girls” aren’t all bitches and unreal.

    I know how awesome I feel when I put something on that I feel sexy in, and I’m glad you found that feeling too. The bikini sounds adorable.

  14. Kaycee says :

    I recently went to visit friends in a place that is very warm. The second weekend I was there it reached nearly 100 degrees. She has a pool, and we all decided to go swimming. There were boys, including one I liked. I had to buck up and pull out the bikini.

    I am a size 10, and at 5′8″ most people would say that’s no big deal, but I have very small bones, so yes it is :). It took a lot of confidence, but I finally was able to do it, and have been able to do it several days now. It’s very liberating, although I am still quite shy about it …

  15. ela says :

    this has a lot to do with where you live. in europe it’s almost unacceptable to be ‘big’…esp on the beach-if you’re under 40. it’s crazy but the norm here. i’ve felt the pressure myself and even as a size 2 (naturally) i’ve found myself thinking ‘why not 0?’. i realize it’s ridiculous. being a ‘real woman’ here is something totally different- and curves are a lot less glamorized.

  16. Melissa says :

    Congratulations on facing your fear! You are a strong, confident person.

    I, personally, will not wear a bikini, although I am not considered to be heavy or overweight. However, thanks to genetics, I inherited some serious legs and some definite thigh muscle/ass…complete with a patch of celulite my mother swears I’ve had since the age of 2 (WTF) So I sport one of those cute skirt bottoms and pair it with your basic bikini top. I don’t think I would ever have enough confidence to don a bikini, so I give you a lot of credit. You go girl!

  17. X says :

    good that u’ve become confortable with ur bod.
    whether ur small or big, people will always have issues with the way they look… its just a matter of realizing thats the way u r, and always will be (unless u[or the person] decide to do something about it) if ur not comfortable with ur own self who will b confortable around u… and agreeing with “kb” yeah, pople r so concerned with how they look that they actually have no place in their minds to think about how u look like(u as in everybody who reads this) yea, they’ll think about u for a sec but thats all the rest is all about them… :/
    So… being a smaller size makes me less of a woman? I know what the writer meant, but that’s the way it comes off as…
    good 4u btw

  18. Playa says :

    Sexy maaaaamaaa! WOOOOOOO! I LIKE THEM BOOBIES AND THAT BUTT N I WANNA PIECE OF U!

  19. Playa says :

    Ur so HOOOTTT AMANDA!

  20. Kelly T says :

    I think it was nice of you to share that.. honestly I am so sick of skinny bitches thinking that they are better than chubby girls… cuz news flash… they aren’t! Honesly I could never ever feel comfortable wearing a bikini until I got really skinny like maybe 100 but people like you who can feel comfortable in a bikini have guts and thats motivational! And about the skinny bitches…. I dont mean everyone who is skinny I mean the ones who laugh at chubby girls no matter what!

  21. Playa says :

    I’m hot and heavy for BBWs! AMBER UR A HOT BBW!

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