The next time you find yourself pining for Jessica Alba’s perfectly clear complexion or Mischa Barton’s cellulite-free ass, think again. You’d be shocked (and seriously wigged out) to learn what lengths some of these celebs go to to be beautiful.

For instance? Gwyneth Paltrow uses snake venom skin cream to keep wrinkles away. Creepy! She must have some sssseriously ssssoft ssssskin with that $185 price tag.

Desperate housewife Teri Hatcher bathes in wine. Now this I can understand, seeing as maybe it seeps into her pores and she could potentially get a little tipsy. I’m all about the tipsy!

On the other hand, if she’s using red wine, someone that may accidentally walk in could think they just stumbled upon a seriously gory celebrity crime scene. What a waste of booze though, really. Think of all your sober fans Teri, so greedy!

Halle Berry’s a huge fan of coffee, not for her daily caffiene fix, but rather for her thighs. Catherine Zeta-Jones crushes strawberries, a supposed natural teeth whitener, into her toothpaste. Breakfast while brushing? I suppose it could work.

Covergirl Christie Brinkley has cats, and not just as furry companions. Their kitty litter goes straight into her exfoliator. In fear of tabbies clawing at my face, I’d avoid this little trick. Brave woman, that Brinkley.

It’s obvious the celebs go a little gaga over the latest beauty secret or A-list trick, but why can’t we all just dab on a little Clearasil and call it a day? It’s freaky what pretty people do to stay pretty. So, the next time you have a stubborn zit on your forehead just think, at least it gives you character (and at least cats don’t wanna poo on your face).

Is snake venom a miracle cure?