I hereby announce to all ye partying people that BBQ season is upon us!

I grew up in a family that used just about any occasion to throw stuff on a grill and stand over it with tongs, and therefore, I’m completely licensed in the art of barbecology.

Some people can write math equations a mile along, some people can paint amazing pictures of a stormy sea, but yours truly…she can BBQ like nobody’s business.

I’ve been asked to share my knowledge of open-flamed gluttony with you.

JALAPENO, STUFFED WITH SHRIMP AND CHEESE, WRAPPED IN BACON.

The name might be long, but it’s tastefully accurate. These little treats impress the masses and leave you pondering whether pigs and shrimp were soulmates in past lives. Split jalapenos in half, smooth in cream or cheddar cheese. Plop a little shrimpy in there and wrap that sh*t in bacon. Booyah.

PINEAPPLE SLICES AND PEACH HALVES

Let them marinate in brown sugar for 15 minutes before grilling.

ASPARAGUS

Let it marinate in olive oil, salt, and lemon juice for 15 minutes before.

SALSA CHICKEN

It’s easy. Let chicken marinate in salsa, orange juice, lime, and pineapple for 30 minutes before grilling. You’ll be making friends with this one.

BEER STEAK & PORK

People tend to like beer. And red meat. Why not mix the two? Marinate your steak or pork in your choice of a light colored beer for 30 minutes before cooking.

And whatever you do, don’t grill bacon. My endlessly innovative friends decided to grill bacon on aluminum foil yesterday at my BBQ and a grease fire singed my friend’s facial hair. Is it funny now? Why, yes. Would it have been funny if his face were melted it off? No. Melted faces are not a joking matter.

BBQ safely, boys and girls.