The theme of last night’s Gossip Girl episode was post-dating awkwardness, as displayed by Serena and Dan, Lily and Rufus, and Vanessa and Nate. The ep also had at least two major shockers, some really random limited-time alliances (Chuck giving Dan a guy-code peptalk, what?), and Ed Westwick in a purple suit that looked like it was left over from Pee Wee Herman on Ice. I guess GG’s wardrobe department can’t win them all.

Three episodes into the season, and we’re just now getting into Back-to-School season. Hence, the lavish drama-inducing party is replaced by upscale bars that serve teenagers, and the Colorful-Martini-on-White-Dress shtick from the Vitamin Water party is replaced by some sort of acid formula that burns the victims’ hair right off her scalp. Ouch.

Am I getting ahead of myself? Here’s what you need to know: Serena and Dan are each having qualms about seeing each other back at school, while Blair and her drones are preparing for their yearly initiation of potential newbies (which Jenny failed at last year). This creates the perfect set-up for new character Amanda’s entrance. Just as Blair explains to Serena that whomever dates first wins, bam! Dan bumps into Amanda, which can only have a tragic outcome.

Obviously, Blair has to intervene, which causes Serena to suggest a threeway. No, not a menage a trois, but a date between herself, Dan, and…Amanda. As if Dan’s fifth grade half-wave in the quad wasn’t awkward enough. The three-way date quickly turns into a foursome when Serena enlists a meathead to try to make Dan jealous…to no avail. And what do hot socialite girls do when they are horribly rejected? They hide their hurt feelings with vengeance.

But let’s jump to the first shocker of the night: Catherine and Marcus. Like, you know. Catherine and Marcus. Poor Vanessa thinks she’s got the ball in her court when she snaps them pre-nooky with her iPhone. But she’s no Waldorf, and that’s going to come back to haunt her. And Nate.

As Serena tries to hide her broken heart from lonely boy, the “old” Serena begins to make a comeback. Most notably in the line, “If this were a competition, I wouldn’t need Blair and her posse to win.” Ouch, Dan, them’s fighting words.

Of course, Serena really doesn’t need B and Company to win… because Chuck Bass is still lurking in the background. Which brings me to shocker number 2: Amanda is one of Chuck’s many, many pawns in his game of Upper East Side Chess. So Amanda’s a phony, Serena’s the new queen bee, Blair’s sent both Marcus and Cougar Catherine packing, and amidst everyone’s personal drama, nobody’s realized that Chuck holds the ball in his court.

Welcome back, bitchy Serena. Just when we thought your story line was getting dull.

Just one more thing: What is up with the geeky Asian Ugly Betty chick, and why does is she part of Blair’s posse?

Bow down or bow out, kids. Things are about to get ugly.