I’ve always been a fan of John Mayer, and I’m not ashamed to say it. There’s just something about him, his rhaspy voice, his sick guitar skills and his clever wit that gets me all hot n’ bothered.

Let’s face it: he’s a great songwriter and that fact has pretty much stayed the same since he hit the music scene hard in 2001. It’s his appearance that has changed over the years, and since we’re all a bit superficial here, (some more than others) let me indulge you in the physical transformation of John Mayer that all seems to center itself around one little feature - hair.

When his popularity first grew circa Room for Squares he was clean-cut and clean-shaven - total preppy, total gel-head, total HOTTIE.

With Heavier Things, he got a little grungier, let the doo grow out a bit, rocked the blazer look, and yet, still hot.

Then, he met Jessica. Thus began John’s confusing, downward spiral into this, which has left me saddened beyond belief. It’s just bananas how much hair can totally change a person’s appearance, and sometimes, for the worse.

This getting out of hand. I can’t even leave the house anymore. I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t do anything but replay my Why Georgia video and ask myself, “No, John. Why YOU? WHY YOU!!!!”

But - but wait - do my eyes deceive me? Can it be true? Did JOHN MAYER GET A HAIRCUT? HOORAY!! Seems as though our boy escorted Jessica to last night’s Metropolitan Museum of Art Costume Institute Benefit, and may I say, he looks more fabulous than ever? Maybe even more fabulous than Ms. Simpson herself? (I much prefer her as a blonde). He’s got that whole Johnny Depp thing goin’ on!

Thank you, so much, to whoever cut and styled this man’s hair. You are my life-saver. Now I can finally get on with my superficial life, judging others by their hair do’s (and hair dont’s).

Now that we’re on the subject, I’m still waiting for Michael Bolton to grow his hair back out. Then things will really look up for me.