In a recent interview with US Weekly, The Hills “star”, Heidi Montag, tells the world that she would rather die than be flat chested with a big nose.

When asked about her nose job and breast augmentation surgery (which she has until now kept quiet about), Heidi contributed this incredibly deep and emotional response:

“But surgery is a very big deal. Right before I went in, I was like, What if I don’t wake up? Oh, this is scary. Then I thought, I don’t care. If I don’t wake up, it’s worth it. I just wanted it so badly.”

Well, it is nice to see that Heidi has her priorities straight. I mean, forget about all those people dying all over the world. All the starving children in Africa. The oppressed women in the Middle East. The AIDS epidemic.

Those people don’t know pain!

Try living with an A-Cup and be forced to wear push-up bras that cut into your skin! Maybe then you’d know real pain! You think having your face ravaged by flying shrapnel in Iraq is a problem? Try having this thing on your face.

And to think, I have spent the past few weeks ripping into Heidi for being a superficial and dumb bitch. She has finally set me straight. I just hope this surgery gives Heidi everything she wants and more.

After all she has been through - dropping out of school, getting a promotion she doesn’t deserve, going through the horrors of elective surgery - she deserves it. (Except, of course, that singing career she has been working on; with performances like this, that sh*t is never gonna happen.)