I feel like there is going to be a hole in my Sunday nights where Rock of Love used to be. The reunion special that aired on Sunday was the last we will be seeing of Bret Michaels and his lovely ladies for a while. Well, until they come out with a Rock of Love 2.
For those of you who missed the airing, or the hundred replays this week on VH1, I offer you this recap of all that went down on the final episode of my favorite show this year.

The show was hosted by Riki Rachtman. (for those of you who were three when he was famous, Rachtman was the host of Headbanger’s Ball in the 80’s and a close friend of Axl Rose).

Rachtman brought out the “Barbie Twins” first; Kristia and Brandi C. These two are either really stupid, or incredibly good at using their dumb acts to their advantage. The two are living together in Los Angeles and often share the same bed. They like to put their enormous breasts together to think better. This gets Bret “a little turned on.” Apparently everyone on reality TV has a clothing line coming out, and these two are no exception. I’m sure it’s going to do really well. Right?

Then comes a crowd favorite- crazy crazy Rodeo. She still has that really nutty look in her eye and tells Bret that she wants a second chance with him. He tries with all his might to ignore the comment and not make things incredibly awkward. They are, and become even more awkward when Rodeo pulls out her Barbeque sauce and plugs. That’s right Rodeo makes Barbeque sauce and it’s organic to boot. Her sex noises however turned Bret on.

Next, Riki calls down of my personal favorite gals, Sam, and she looks cute as ever. Sam tells Riki and Bret that she was grossed out by Bret’s sex with Lacey and threesomes with the twins. She didn’t know what she expected but she knew she was better than them. So when she left she knew it was right and Bret was not someone she was going to have an intimate mental connection with. Bret says he was turned on by the F-you kiss she gave him.

Lacey time! The crazy self-made villain comes out guns blazing. She’s ready for anything and actually presents herself fairly well. She’s in some sort of production with VH1 to host a rocker show (yes the trust fund baby, so rock and roll). She fully admits to sleeping with Bret which I have to give her props for because at least she’s not evil and a liar. Her and Dallas start to go at it again in regards to animal rights (who cares?!) and Lacey gives Dallas a T-Shirt she made that says “Dallas Loves Michael Vick.” Dallas responds by saying she doesn’t date black men. Can this shit get any better? Heather and Lacey kiss and make up, and decide they both aren’t whores after all. Bret pops a boner.

Heather looks amazing, sporting a faux “Sucks” tattoo under the now infamously permanent “Bret” insignia on the back of her neck. She seems to have transcended the 80’s hair and she looks gorgeous. Being rejected by Bret has done good things for her. She says that she still cares about Bret, and he’ll be in her heart forever and vice versa. Blah blah, Bret says he still wants to f*&^ her.

Jes finally comes out and there is an awkward cheek kiss. They haven’t spoken in six months and she’s clearly pissed off about the way he treated her after the show wrapped. She says flat out he belongs with Heather, and Bret Michaels is too much of a pussy for actually admitting that he could fall in love with Heather.

As cool as Jes is, she did seem too cool for the entire show. Why on earth was she there? I gave her a lot of respect for passing her Rock of Love title onto Heather and the end of the show left us wondering, and wanting to know if Bret and Heather have found each other. I have a sneaking suspicion the answer is no, but that just means in about 6 months the void in my life will be able to be filled with “Rock of Love: 2.”