I hate Heidi. Everything about her from her fake face/boobs to her super shiny and bouncy blonde hair. Oh, and her giant teeth.

Yet even I, president of the I Hate Heidi and Fake Face/Boobs and Super Shiny and Bouncy Blonde Hair and Big Teeth club feel drawn to her this week. There is something about the sheer douchiness of Spencer that makes Heidi look, well, good.

Last night’s episode of The Hills made Heidi look like an actual responsible and semi-intelligent adult. For the first time in our long and tumultuous history, Heidi actually seemed to be taking her job seriously.

No more “I wanna get paid for doing nothing.” The Future Mrs. Pratt is actually putting her personal life on hold for the sake of her serious new position. And I can’t help but respect that. I also can’t help but notice that she is working longer hours than me. And that makes me feel like less of a person.

What happened to old Heidi? You know, skip out on work to get lunch Heidi. Or drop out of fashion school after one day Heidi. I know one person who misses her: Whiny, Bitchy Spencer. (Sidenote: I kinda miss her too. She is so much more fun when you can really hate her.)

But, you kinda have to understand where Spencer is coming from. I mean, the kid has no job. He sits around all day while his dad fixes and whitens the teeth of the stars and passes his money onto Spencer to spend on random crap. Though, not things he might need like, say, a razor?

But back to my point: since he has alienated all of his (3) friends since meeting Heidi, Spencer is literally left with nothing to do. Which, as we have seen, leads him to live a completely pathetic existence where is he begging Heidi to hang out with him and whining when she can’t.

Ah. Sympathy for Spencer is officially over. He is so pitiable it hurts me just a little inside. I used to think these two losers were perfect for each other, but now I have come to learn that Heidi may actually be too good for Spencer. I know; it is killing me to even admit that, but I can’t deny the truth.

Like the fact that Brody is looking a lot cuter these days. There is something about that bionic hand that really gets me going. And those cute little sunglasses he wore to his beach party. And even though the boy from the photo shoot was mad hot in that pink shirt/gray pant combo, I really am pulling for LC and Brody to get together. It was total Cute City at the end of the show when they hung up and were both all smiles!

My ice-cold heart totally melted into a pile of mush. I know MTV probably cut the whole thing to make it uber cute, but I fell for it and for Brody.

Oh God. I must be getting my period. My emotions are all outta whack. We’ll see if I’m still feeling love for Heidi (and hot and bothered for Brody) next week when I am no longer experiencing the effects of PMS.