Someone needs to swear to me this isn’t true.

Spencer Pratt, the shudder-inducing bitchy straight guy from The Hills, might be trying to sell his own sex tape!

Reportedly, Pratt has been trying to sell his tape under the radar, hoping to make it seem like it was leaked without his knowledge.

While it’s not clear who exactly is featured on the tape, it was apparently made in Brazil three years ago, before MTV brought the nauseating duo of Heidi and Spencer together on it’s scripted reality series.

Commenting on the scandal in US Weekly (and no doubt loving the attention) Pratt claimed “there is no sex tape” and maintained that even though he did go to Brazil three years ago, he “was never on camera.”

Normally, I totally love it when celebrity sex tapes come out (I mean, how stupid can you be to lose a homemade porno?), but when it comes to the possibility of Spencer Sex Tape, I hope against hope that there’s no such thing.

I mean, how many people might lose their eyesight as a result of seeing this guy naked?