I have admitted to some of my friends that I have seen every Flavor of Love episode and each time I admit it to someone new, they react as everyone else before them has reacted - with pity. They look like they want to take a hand to my cheek, furrow their brows in confusion and say, “You? But why?”

But now my excuse is that I watch it for all of you. Don’t be offended; they know that I’m lying.

That and I admit that I prefer the FOL girls to the ROL girls. On ROL they are passive aggressive; FOL is in your face. The one liners are priceless. Like I’m just waiting for the episode during which Shy busts out that one about her stretch marks kicking someone’s ass.

Anyway, the episode starts with Sinceer with the sixhead revealing that she’s a “drunk ho” and I’m excited simply at the thought of a drunk in the house.

Big Rick delivers the Flav-O-Gram announcing the challenge for the day. The girls have to be nurses and cure Flav’s broken heart. Oh, God, why?

The ladies take an hour to get ready and in the midst of my fears that some of them actually brought the appropriate outfits and accessories with them, Rayna starts wigging out about someone stealing her perfume. She confronts Bee-Ex in the kitchen and my house favorite is born when Bee-Ex replies, “I don’t smell like you; I smell good.”

So who stole Rayna’s perfume? Who could it have been? I don’t care.

It turns out that the culprite was: no one. She was just faking and thinks pulling that was a “hot” move. She and Megan from ROL need to team up to write Dummies for Dummies; it will consist of a bunch of stick figures and angry scribble and lip stick marks from kissing the paper.

So the challenge is actually at a hospital and each girl will meet with Flav separately to treat him for his utterly devastated crushed possibly irreparable broken heart. Three girls will win a group date.

Myammee and her eighthead are first and apparently the cure for a broken heart is – stripping.

Shy is dressed like a fake kung fu master and just as it looks like she’s going to beat him up, she mounts Flav. I would have preferred you throwing some punches, girl.

This only marks the beginning of a series of girls who follow suit. I didn’t need to see any of that.

When Sinceer’s turn comes, I want her to be wasted but sadly for me and for Flav, she is sober. She gave Flav a bear and a shirt and totally misspelled his name on whatever is printed across the shirt that he will never never wear.

Seezinz also misspells Flav’s name on her gift to him and he’s pretty annoyed at both of these crappy gifts. My spell check and I will refrain from making an official comment about misspelling anything.

Vanilla Ice sets up a dart board with New York’s face as the bulls-eye, which is actually pretty clever considering that she too could have gone the semi-naked route and Flav finds her way to be quite “theraputical.” Indeedly.

El massages Flav’s feet and I don’t understand these chicks on this season – why would any of you want to touch his feet? Or his face a la last episode? Or anything else (as I cover my ears and rock back and forth because no one touches his penis lalalalalala I can’t hear you)?

Grayvee puts on a fake grill. She spent the whole first episode boasting about her fried chicken making skillz and yet she brought NONE for Flav.

Rayna does some weird Mardi Gras shit, but it’s more voodoo than “theraputical” and completely devoid of breasts, beads or booze.

Hotlanta gives Flav a gift referencing a Public Enemy album and even I am amazed at how thoughtful that is. She may very well be the only woman who’s been on FOL who could actually acknowledge Flav’s musical past and not be talking out of her ass.

And that’s enough of this, the winners of the group date are Myammee, Hotlanta and Vanilla Ice.

Later on that night, Shy and the Twins talk smack outside about Rayna and when she gets wind of this, Rayna calls them punks and the crazy has officially settled in. Punks?

Rayna and one of the twin Things have a pointless confrontation – Rayna’s got to stop with all of this camera time talk. It’s just boring.

The group date is the next day and they are going skydiving, which makes me momentarily jealous that I’m not on the show but then I see Flav’s face and I come to my senses. During the car ride, someone asks Flav what his name means and he says that Flavor means “everything”….so, yeah, thanks for clearing that up.

The 13 remaining girls at the house have Sheryl Lee Ralph as a guest speaker – she’s married to a senator and is an actress as well as a motivational speaker. She’s there to discuss the mess of the previous two seasons, how everyone deserves respect and…does she have any idea where she is? Ralph talks about family – as in how the girls should think of their families before they act…and no one is really going to remember any of what she says five minutes after she walks out of that house.

After Sheryl Lee leaves, the girls decide to play a game of charades in which they imitate each other, which is the best idea ever. Cheryl Lee is a miracle worker. Nothing good can possibly come from this…until someone imitates Sinceer aka Dru N. Kass. And then Sinceer imitates what the girls guess to be “nobody” – and by nobody, Sinceer means Seezinz. Oh, it’s ON.

Elsewhere and 13,000 feet in the air, everyone on the group date is freaked out.

Just jump, you can only drag this out for so long.

Back at the house, Seezinz calls Sinceer “Cling On” (damn, why didn’t I think of that?) and then Seezinz calls her out. Just take it outside. Rayna with a head full of curlers actually tries to stop the two from hitting each other but it’s really all about camera time.

Sinceer says that the girls are jealous because of her personality. Which one? I’m jealous of all of the time that she has to devote to the drink.

Back on the date: they finally jump. God, that looks like fun. Flav pulls the chute too soon and subjects the guy jumping with him to such Flavisms as: “I’m a Pisces”; “I can see Canada”; “F-L-A-V-A kills me.”

On the way home from the date, Vanilla Ice mentions that camera loving Rayna is the talk among the girls in the house. Funny coming from the Radio Personality who said that she didn’t know why she was there, no?

When Flav walks in the house, a bunch of girls are waiting for him and he thinks that Sheryl Lee was successful with the girls and has not a clue of what dramatical shit transpired upon her departure.

Just send three home already.

Seezinz talks to Flav about Sinceer’s non-imitation imitation of her.

Aaannnd just send three home.

Eliminations: is Sinceer drunk? I love the commentary that accompanies the eliminations. Did you really pray so that you wouldn’t get kicked off? I guess I can’t talk since there was a time that the prayer I uttered most often went something like, “Oh, God, please don’t let me be pregnant.”

This has dragged long enough – Flav sends Tik, El and St. Lewis home. Rayna has to stay because the producers said so and because Flav says that she’s hot.

My super early prediction is that Hotlanta and Prancer make it to the finals.

Next time: Flav Restaurant, ice skating and “I’m about to make her shut the f*** up.”