Being that I have a giant obsession with The Hills, I have forced a lot of my friends to watch it over the years. Obviously, they had no choice if they happened to be anywhere near my house on a Monday night; but it also happens to be the only thing I talk about/reference, so most of my friends felt it necessary to watch in order to understand me when I refer to their new bangs as totally Pratt-Tastic. Or if I refer to someone’s lame ass BF as a Poor (wo)Man’s Justin Bobby.

But just because they watch it doesn’t mean they love it like I do. In fact, as last nights season finale was coming to a dramatic close, I received this text from a friend:

“The Hills is the suckiest sucky show ever. I want to shove forks into my eyes.”

Clearly, this friend doesn’t see the show for the super fantastic hot mess that it really is. And that makes me sad.

Kinda like how Lo makes me sad. I used to be so obsessed with her; she was my favorite member of The Hills crew because she was down to earth, funny and totally an anti-diva. What the hell happened to that Lo? I didn’t know when I interviewed her that she would turn out to be such a bitch. I mean, she never even mentioned kicking Audrina to the curb and hogging LC for herself. Even worse, she somehow makes it seem like she is the victim in all of this because Audrina isn’t the best friend she had hoped she’d be living with. This is a new side of Lo and I just don’t like it. Not one bit.

Lauren, not surprisingly, doesn’t see Lo for the bitch she has become and decides it must be Audrina’s fault that she is drifting. LC never was very good at choosing the right people to surround herself with. Remember Jason? And Stephen? And Heidi? And Stephanie Pratt? Ugh, the list just goes on and on.

Knowing all that, it doesn’t surprise me that she starts to push away the only person who ever really was truly good to her: Audrina. So, Lauren decides to head out to the back house for the first time ever and have a chat with her former bestie. I have to say that while I completely know that this show is fake (admit it, people) this scene really felt real. Did you see Lauren’s bottom lip shaking as she fought back her tears? And then how she got so defensive the minute Audrina tried to point out all the times she was totally dissed?

“WHEN?! WHEN DID I DO THAT!?”

Lauren really epitomizes the self-fulfilling prophecy (remember that concept from Psych 101? Study up, ladies). Ever since Laguna Beach, MTV has made Lauren seem like the innocent one in everything and now she really believes it. Tsk, tsk, Lauren. It’s time to own up to your mistakes, otherwise you’re going to lose a really important person: me, your former biggest fan.

Obviously, the LC drama wasn’t the main event in last night’s finale. That award goes to the Heidi and Spencer reunion. This whole story left me with so many questions:

1. Did MTV have Heidi work at Bolthouse just to advertise this new hotel that will be going up in Vegas?

2. What exactly was Heidi’s role in this whole business deal? And why was she invited along to work on it with the Godfather and his two associates?

3. What the hell did Spencer say that got Heidi to turn down a sick job/ride home on a private jet in favor of him?

4. Where did Stephanie go? Is she still at Valet?

Ah, another L.A. girl bites the dust and chooses a douchey boyfriend over a killer job opportunity. And why not? Those jobs come easy in The Hills! Heidi will just head home and get another one. Or, God forbid, make another record.

I guess we’ll find out next season. Until then, I suppose I’ll have to watch Real World. Barf.