Recently, the Department of Health in England conducted a study of heavy drinkers to find out why they drink. Through a series of focus groups (which is probably the last place a hungover person wants to be) the health professionals concluded that heavy drinkers fall into 9 basic categories.

They outlined their conclusion here.

A lot of the categories overlap, and many categories aren’t included (”It tastes so good,” for example. Or, “I love that cotton mouth feeling in the morning!”). However, I found the study to be interesting and somewhat applicable to the average college lady. Personally, I have fallen into every one of these categories…in a single weekend, but maybe this thing has some merit.

Any maybe my mom was right: “Lauren, no one puts beer in their cereal. You have a problem.”

The report was written for a British man, so I took it upon myself to bring you the facts in words you, a college coed, would understand. Which group do you fall into? Which group do you want to fall into? And why is everyone all “you have a problem” all the time?!