Guys, if any of you are reading this, you may want to stop right now.

Seriously. Honestly. Look away.

No? Alright…

A Russian woman set her ex-husband’s penis on fire last Wednesday while he sat naked in front of the TV, enjoying a nice glass of vodka.

“I was burning like a torch” the injured man is quoted as saying (undoubtedly through a waterfall of tears), “I don’t know what I did to deserve this.”

No word on how she did it, but the ex-husband’s prognosis does not look good. When asked about his chance of a full recovery, a police spokeswoman admitted it was “difficult to predict”.

I’m not quite sure how one recovers from a burnt penis.

Reuters is reporting that the attack happened after the divorced couple spent three years living in the same apartment, a common occurrence in Russia where “property costs are very high”.

Perhaps Mr. Naked had sat spread-eagled in front of the TV one too many times. Perhaps he had a nasty habit of finishing off the house vodka. Or perhaps he was a horrible person. Which of course begs the question:

How horrible do you have to be to deserve a scorched penis?