You know what I love doing after a nice, long, relaxing weekend? Waking up to the sound of bells ringing and sweating Wallstreet dudes screaming from the rooftops.

That’s right. The stock market is falling. Faster than the drunken hook-ups at Sundance, faster than the disappearance of Amy Winehouse’s crack stash—just…fast.

Some people think we’re headed into a recession. Which is just the kind of news I love to hear after receiving my first monstrous student loan bill in the mail.

Those who enjoy depressing themselves can go to CNN for updates.