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Want to know what guys think? We can show you. Last week we discussed the issue of paying on the first date. This week we tackle a more touchy (pun intended) topic: getting it on. What does it mean? What do guys think of a lady who is willin’ to romp on the first night?
He Said:
If you put out on the first date, it doesn’t necessarily mean guys think you’re a slut, easy or not worthy of respect. But it all depends on the how well we vibe beforehand.
Sometimes, you meet someone, instantly hit it off, and the sex just flows naturally. Stopping in the middle of a good thing because of some puritan idea that hitting the sheets on the first date is always wrong can be as detrimental to the evolution of a good relationship as moving too quickly.
But good things are rare, so the whole dating debacle usually plays out as a charade to prove ourselves worthy of your womanly wiles. Most of the time, if we are taking you on a date, we definitely want to have sex with you—otherwise, we’d just be at home, drinking beer and playing Grand Theft Auto, not spending inordinate amounts of cash on a stranger, laughing at your “jokes,” and complimenting you profusely on shoes and a handbag that we don’t give a flying crap about.
So if at the end of the first night, you’re ready to for a sexy rumble, most guys will take you up on it, regardless of how the date goes. But if we don’t feel like we hit it off well enough to justify your stripping down, chances are we’ll take it for what it is: Just sex. As long as we both recognize that fact, it’s all good.
But if it is just sex, make sure to not treat it as more than that. There’s nothing wrong with adults enjoying each other however they want, but if you start thinking a post-coital embrace after the first time is evidence that we want to meet your mom, you’ve got another thing coming—loneliness.
Really, if you just have respect for yourself, and don’t do more than you’re comfortable with, we’ll have respect for you, too. That means if we hit it off, and just can’t wait for things to get more intimate, go for it. And if you want to just get laid, that’s ok–so do we. But planning our life together simply because we got it on is not.
She Said:
I am not one to sleep around (a lot), but there are some nights where I meet a guy and just can’t control my desire to tear off my clothes and hop on. This, of course, comes after we talk at the bar and I really do sort of “fall” for the guy. Does that make it any better? No. But at least I kinda know (his name, his school, his hometown) who I’m crawling into bed with later.
Most of the time, these situations don’t pan out into anything more than an awkward morning after encounter. Many people tell me its because guys don’t want to be with a girl that sleeps with them on the first night (because it means she does that all the time), but I really don’t know if that’s true. It takes two to tango, you know, and it’s not like I’m sleeping alone.
And to be honest, if I wasn’t going to sleep with that dude, do you really think he would call me again? Probably not. The minute I played it coy and left him wanting more, he would find more…in another girl at the bar.
It’s a lose/lose for the girls.
I am sick of guys getting to play both sides. I am sick of being viewed as “non relationship material” because I hit it off with a guy and then did what we both clearly wanted to do. Yes, I went home with you, but that doesn’t mean I do this with everyone or that I can’t possibly be a good girlfriend.
[Photo courtesy of dumbboytoys.com]
7 Comments
I WANNA GET LAID! WHY DON’T WOMEN GET “NATURAL” WITH ME?
BECAUSE YOU TYPE IN ALL CAPS. AND USE “NATURAL” IN AN EXTREMELY ILL FITTING CONTEXT.
Katy Perry says it best Donnie Baby: If you want me, then stop begging I don’t put out for charity.
I’m a easy going girl who doesn’t really feel awful about sex on the first date. But I’ve decided to stop doing that with guys I might actually want to date, because as awful as this sounds, when it’s too easy, they just don’t care, and I’ll always be that girl he doesn’t like enough to date, but likes enough to fuck.
Wanna know more about her? Read her blogs at R ich kis s.c om. She writes everything about her there.
I meet a woman in Clearwater, we both were drinking. After the tiki bar drink we tried to walk on the beach. She fell down and then told me to sit. The next thing I know her tongue is down my throat and we’re making out on the beach. After about 30min we head back to my room. What a wild night. This was the first time I meet this woman, and I’m glad I did. Putting out on the first ? ok we didn’t actually make it to a first date. It was something we both needed. It was a relaxer and a fun time. She left at 5:30am and I said goodbye and watched her leave. Of Course it was my last day on vacation and couldn’t take her back, She lived in England, She to was on vacation.
Not all guys (but yes, most) will disregard you just because you put out on the first date. I have have a few girlfriends that lasted awhile even after letting me in on the first date/encounter/whatever. It all depends on the situation. I know that I can be a little more convincing than most guys and have taken advantage of that in the past, but if the girl seemed to be honestly digging me rather than just trying to ‘get some from the manwhore’, then that can get me interested in getting to know her better. I say, if it feels right, then it is right and you should flow with it. If it seems that he is only interested in what’s inside your panties, then take it for what it is and thank him for a nice evening with your clothes on because you will most likely be discarded after he gets what he wants.
Ok, so the guy is pretty accurate in this conversation, and the girl’s side is slightly neurotic.
Look sister, if the woman in this relationship is going to a bar, she should realize that the guy is there to hook up, and if she is perceived to be worth it, she can definitely use the first date to screen the dude and see if he even knows the meaning of the phrase “delayed gratification”. Fuck that “other girls will screw him and I’ll lose out” shit, you’re selling yourself horribly short.
You don’t have to be a gay guy or anything less than a decent man (not boy, man, big difference) to know that rushing a girl into sex is a recipe for disaster, she’ll probably feel slightly (or more, cheap and used and you’ll be playing catchup forever after.
Best advice, girls, don’t fuck on the first date. Guys, be smart enough and man enough to assure her that she’s special and worth waiting for, and everyone will be much better off. The measure of a man is not his strength and ability to rip her panties off, but his ability to do just that and control to wait until she’s ready to have him be such a man.
BTW, this is NOT the advice of someone who’s inexperienced, I’ve never treated the female of our species with anything less than respect and admiration and boy has it paid off in mutually respectful sex and so far a wonderfully fruitful 15 year relationship with the woman of my dreams.
Keep on looking for Mr./Mrs. Right, not Mr./Mrs. Right NOW.
Ross
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