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Growing up, I always had a very large and disproportionate sense of my own dignity. I was not to be troubled by these impurities of the flesh; I buried my nose in books and ignored the swirling talk of the girls around me. When I hit puberty, I felt violated somehow, as if my body had betrayed me by being real after all, and being a major pain.
While other girls in my class talked easily about their experiences and commiserated about cramps, I was mortified by the whole experience and didn’t want to talk about it to anyone — not to parents, doctors, or friends. The whole business was just embarrassing and shouldn’t be mentioned except when absolutely necessary, I thought.
Only after years of getting older and wiser have I lost some of my adolescent self-consciousness and become comfortable telling someone when I have cramps (in case they haven’t guessed from me being doubled up on the floor). I still don’t have much tolerance for discussing sex, though. I don’t mind it when others talk, but I’d blush like mad to speak about it myself. So am I just a Puritan, or is there a place in the world for the bashful as well?
I’m not a prude in my ideas at all. I’m at the front of the line championing sexual freedom for everybody. I wish I could speak about the down n’ dirty as explicitly as I believe to be acceptable! On the other hand, though, not everyone has to be broadcasting their sexual histories, experiences, and ruminations on the act. Sexual freedom is just that, and it means there’s room in this world for everyone’s varying comfort levels.
We don’t all have to pretend to be cast members of Sex and the City.
For me, the decision to not speak too explicitly about my own sexual experiences is part of what keeps the act intimate and special. That closeness achieved between two people (or more, if that’s what floats your boat) is an intensely private act, and it’s not repression to keep it between those two people. So, although the magazines and TV shows are encouraging us more and more to make sex a commodity that can be splashed across our Facebook photo albums or our blogs, remember that you can still keep it private, and champion people’s right not to be judged about it, at the same time.
[Photo courtesy of flickr.com]
11 Comments
I would like to applaud you for this. I don’t think you’re a prude at all! Some people are more private than others, and I respect every person for their ability, or inability, to talk about sex.
A true prude would be my sister, who can’t hear anything about sex or sex related or she gets this disgusted look on her face and says that it’s gross. Really, you just seem bashful, which is quite cute. There’s nothing wrong with keeping your own sexual exploits to yourself. And there’s nothing wrong with sharing them if you’re comfortable.
I too applaud you for this. I think it makes all the difference between a “slut” and simply a “sexually active” person the fact that one talks about their exploits and the other doesn’t. No one needs to know about your sex life, and I doubt many people care. Sharing your stories just shouts “hey look at me I’m promiscuous!” and personally I think it’s kind of trashy. If you want to have sex go for it but please spare us all and don’t share the details, or your numbers, really no one needs to know.
and also if you don’t tell anyone about it then no one can call you a slut. So that eliminates that problem right there. There’s a reason people call each other sluts and it’s because they keep hearing each others stories. and, well, when you hear every other week about a girls new fuck buddy then the word slut just kinda creeps across your mind.
I don’t think everyone should be called a slut for talking about their sexual exploits. It’s stupid. Just because I’m comfortable with sex and feel comfortable sharing with my friends does not make me a slut. Sex is nothing to be ashamed of and it’s completely natural. If some people are comfortable talking about it, more power to them. If some people aren’t, that’s just as cool.
I’m not talking about being comfortable talking about it with your friends, that is perfectly ok. I’m talking about the people who talk about it with just anyone anywhere (school, work) someone talking to whoever about their sex lives opens the door for name calling. If you don’t want rumors spread about you and you don’t want to be called names then don’t open your mouth, otherwise you’re opening the door for crude remarks. I’m not saying it’s ok, i’m just saying that’s a fact that isn’t going to change no matter how much anyone hopes for it because people in general are mean and love drama.
Honestly I don’t want to know the sex life of the girl I sit next to in lit, or the girl in the cubicle across from me, but i enjoy talking with my friends (people I talk to more than just at school or work) about our sex lives. Sex should be private, No i’m not saying we should be ashamed of sex and duh it’s natural, but it is private and should be private. If you’re going to talk about it why not just let everyone watch you as well? It’s essentially the same thing. Sex should be kept between the two people having it (or however many you are engaging in it with).
casey - you sound like you have a huge issue with the double standard of women and men. i dont really care what another girl does, its her body not mine.
I didn’t say anything about men. I don’t want to hear about their sex lives either. I don’t care who’s doing it I just don’t need to hear about it.
Clearly you aren’t a prude because you don’t share the beliefs of prudes. I think it’s classy when a girl is secure enough to keep private matters private instead of feeling some need to impress others with her sexual conquests. A woman who is comfortable with herself knows that she doesn’t need to constantly talk about sex for people to know she can get it.
Basically, the friends I have who have the most sex and suitors only talk to close friends about it, unlike another friend of mine who never seems to attract a single male I’ve met or seen but always has lurid tales of sexual deviancy to tell anyone who’ll listen when she gets back from a vacation or family renunion outside the state. It’s not classy and chances are, the ones who need to draw attention to their sex lives the most are the most insecure because they don’t really have sex lives, or at least not the ones they want. It’s an approval-seeking thing.
Casey’s got a piont- when I hear a girl talking at length about her sex life, especially one I don’t know that well, it just screams “I’m easy!” Maybe she isn’t, but she’s talking about it for a reason- she wants people to believe she’s really desirable because look at all these guys having sex with her! In the process that message is often misconstrued- the classy, attractive woman shouldn’t even feel the need to say these things to begin with because she’s self-assured and knows she’s attractive without having to hype up her sexuality.
Thank you anne, that was precisely what I was trying to say, I’m not very articulate though.
I attended an all girl school for all of my life, so to us it was fine to just ask people sitting around the resource center for a tampon.
I wonder how we’ll all deal in college, though! lol
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