We’ve all seen them, whether they’ve been meandering along a random street corner or flashing frightened doe looks in the subway…I’ve been one, you’ve been one, we’ve all been one. That’s right, I’m talking about tourists; those people who don’t belong here but are visiting anyway.

While they can be cute to watch for awhile, for the most part it is extremely annoying to be walking along a street while fifty people surrounding you are walking at a glacial pace in order to take pictures of the same thing. You try not to bother with these flowery shirt folks, but it’s pretty inevitable that you will eventually come across one sooner or later.

So no matter where you are, here are some ways to spot, and hopefully avoid, tourists.

An abundance of fanny packs: Fanny packs seem to be the universal fashion wear for any tourist and a prime target to look for when spotting said tourist. These extra hip appendages also come in handy for any muggers looking for fresh meat.

Anyone wearing a fanny pack might as well be wearing a shirt that says ‘I AM A TOURIST! ROB ME!’ Not only are you making yourself easy bait for pick pockets and other crazy people, but these zippered pouches just look plain stupid hanging from your side like that. The fact is, whether you’re a tourist or not, fanny packs are never, ever, considered sexy. Now take it off and put your wallet in your pocket where it’s supposed to be.

Hordes of families wearing obnoxious colored matching shirts: For some reason parents think it is a brilliant idea to dress their whole family in lime green (or neon pink/bright orange) t-shirts. And of course these brightly colored shirts are decorated with ‘The Smith Family’ pasted on the back, just in case someone would forget what family he belonged to.

Not only are these shirts reserved for ridiculously large groups, but these groups use their numbers to their advantage. One time when my family and I were at Disney World, a matching fuchsia wearing family literally stampeded to each ride. I swear it was like the wildebeest scene in The Lion King. No one dared get in the way of this flying rainbow herd and my poor non-matching family was left in the dust.

Snail paced walkers: Tourists seem to have one speed: super slow. It takes all the willpower I have not to reach out and push these slow walkers out of the way. Why are you moving so slow?? You can see everything the same way by walking normal speed. The worst is if these people walk in a line side by side on the sidewalk, thus preventing anyone else from getting by. Or if they’re carrying bear-sized suitcases. You can’t just stroll along on your merry way on a busy street with luggage the size of a human being! I find that the best way to handle these situations is by using a little rough force to get by. In this case it is a good thing I have bony elbows.

A sudden rise of photographers: Now, no tourist would be complete without an extremely large camera used to take pictures of something random every three steps they take. I have found that this epidemic is especially bad in New York’s Time Square. I can only wonder why someone would take so many pictures of one building. That building’s not going anywhere, one picture is enough!

Besides, they all look the same, you silly tourist. There is no need for twenty billion of you to stand there outside of the McDonald’s taking pictures in front of the big M. And why don’t you try taking a picture while walking at the same time? Is it really essential to stop in groups of twelve outside the subway station? “Look, here’s me in front of Times Square subway.” “Here’s me next to a New York rock.” Learn to take pictures without blocking streets or you will find that camera in your hand turned into a smashed piece of junk by an unruly local.

Got any other ways to spot a tourist in your city / town? Let us know!

[Photo. www.thedisneyblog.com]