I’ve always been better friends with guys. I don’t know if it’s because I grew up with three brothers, or what, but I always seem to get along with them better.

Girls to me are just vicious. Sometimes it’s hard for me to deal with the constant talking behind each other’s backs, the judgment passed on everything from hairstyles to clothing—I need to retreat back to my boys and take a deep breath.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t have those same mean girl tendencies, or that I don’t have close girl friends. I will definitely make fun of someone’s outfit that I find…outrageous. But I think the biggest clue that a girl is a bitch is when she doesn’t have any girl friends—she’s obviously screwed over a lot of people, or has screwed a lot of people’s boyfriends.

I value the girls in my life like sisters—it’s good to have female companionship, and it’s even better that they have like minds. They don’t like any of that backstabbing stuff either, and when we get together, we are an unstoppable force of confidence and fun. When we are upset with each other, we yell face to face, and most of the time, end up laughing about it. It works out so much better this way. No one has to pick sides; no one fights about it later.

But this is why I feel so awful right now. There’s one girl in our little clique that’s pretty indescribable. She is unbelievably confident, super educated, even more talented in her artistic ventures. Looks wise—women find her to be nothing special, men lie at her feet in worship. Literally. I’ve never seen anyone walk into a bar, and have a bartender put down the drink they were making to take another order. Until I started rolling with “Sarah.” She just has this quality that men are obsessed by.

Initially, it worked to our advantage. People love Sarah, and so they flock to her. We get served drinks faster, and meet some interesting people throughout the night. It’s not so interesting when every guy that I have had feelings for in the past—I kid you not—year has, once they met her, stopped flirting with me and started asking about her.

The first time—fine. The guy was a douche bag anyway. I could handle it. She wasn’t really putting out any vibes… except that she was kind of dancing seductively right up against him. Maybe I was imagining things. Maybe she was just dancing and he was just… really close by.

I pulled her aside—“Sarah, you do realize that I’ve been jonesing after this guy forever right?”

“I’m not flirting with him. He’s flirting with me!” Um… ok. I guess that was true. Sort of.

The second time it happened—not so fine. I didn’t have stakes to claim on this guy, but I asked that she be honest with me about the progression of things, and not screw him over. She sort of followed through on this. She let me know what was happening. But she did screw him over, and none of us ever saw him again.

Third time—I just can’t take it anymore. I had been working at this guy for awhile, and things were going really well. Until she came to meet us for drinks one night. I literally couldn’t get him to look at me for the rest of the night. When Sarah took off to go meet up with some other people, he asked me to set up lunch with the three of us, all with a dreamy puppy dog look on his face. I said something to our girlfriends about it, and all I got was—“Well, you know Sarah.” Yeah, I do. But I’m not so sure I’m happy about it right now.

So, I’m torn. I’m pissed. Can she just try really hard to be unappealing for a second? Wear a garbage bag or something (that may be too revealing—maybe a full body cloak)? I’m trying not to be angry, because when it comes down to it, she’s a great friend. One of the few people I know that genuinely means it when she asks how you are. We get along great besides the whole guy thing, and she’s actually interesting. Maybe my own insecurities about men and my appearance are playing out stronger because she’s so damn sure of herself in every way. I don’t know.

But there’s also a part of me that believes that she just loves the attention and doesn’t really care who she’s hurting. Does she use men to give herself this self-confidence? I’ve tried to talk to her about it, and to be reasonable, but she acts so clueless to the whole thing that I don’t know what to think. Does she really unconsciously send off fuck me vibes to every male species, or does she just like to prove to us that she can get anyone? Is it possible that she doesn’t even realize she’s doing it?

The point is, I’m jealous. And I feel really guilty about it. I’m trying not to talk smack about her, but when she mentioned going out together the other night, I thought— there’s no freaking way! It’s my turn to pull! And here I am, all high and mighty about not acting like all those other girls, secretly hating her.

So is this normal? How do I remedy this without bitch slapping her across the room? Is that what she needs? Is that what I need? Man… I’m lost on this one.