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We’ve all been there…right?? Getting dumped? It’s happened to us all? Yes?
…please say yes, so I don’t feel horribly sh*tty.
My mom told me over the phone today that everybody goes through the process of being totally rejected by the person you’ve been in a relationship with and were totally into. Breaking up. It’s normal. It happens.
Maybe so, mom, but it still SUCKS.
After breaking up with my FSU boyfriend of over three years (2+ years in college, 1+ year long distance - don’t do it, ever EVER ever) I had some flings, a rebound or two, and fell into a new, New York City relationship after only knowing this new guy for three teeny tiny weeks.
Big mistake.
I was totally into him, totally infatuated, and mistook that googly-eyed “OMG, he’s so hot and dreamy” feeling for the L-Word.
Not this L Word. The other one.
Anyway, I jumped in way too fast and fell way too hard before actually getting to know the guy and being able to make a fully thought-out decision. Again - BIG mistake.
The first month or so was sweet, sweet bliss. We were becoming closer, you know…buddies, confidants, lovaaaaaahs…it was so exciting and fresh and wonderful, as the beginning of any relationship should be.
But about a week and a half ago, the excitement kind of…..suddenly wore off. Prematurely, I think, because I believe that that “honeymoon period” should last a hell of a lot longer than a measly month. If it doesn’t, something is definitely wrong. And yes, Wikipedia defines the honeymoon period as having “greater than typical joy and lesser than typical friction.”
Joy? Friction? Try a beauteous rainbow followed by an absolute emotional sh*t storm.
So anyway, he started acting weird pretty much out of nowhere; I dunno if it was the relationship becoming more real and him getting freaked out (as men tend to do), both of our “beginning-of-the-relationship-version-of-me” disappearing acts as our true selves came out to play…or if he just started to lose feelings for me altogether - in the end, he didn’t explain himself.
But he did dump me after two months - 3 weeks of which were us hanging out pre-relationship, and the last five weeks in an actual committed….thing.
Here’s how it went down, yesterday, over the phone, in a matter of three minutes. Keep in mind I never saw this coming and my friends were even shocked to hear the news. Prepare to feel really bad for me:
Me: “Wow, I finally got you on the phone. Great.”
Him: “I don’t think we should do this anymore.”
Me: “What? Why?”
Him: “I dunno. I’m just not feelin’ it.”
Me: “Okay….what happened?” (cut to me thinking, you certainly didn’t seem to not be ‘feelin’ it’ when I saw you two days ago and everything was fine and dandy, but whatever….)
Him: “I dunno. This just isn’t going anywhere. I don’t want to lead you on.”
Me: “Uhm. Lead me on? Okay…..well….”
Him: “Um, do you want to keep talking about this?”
Me: “No, I guess not….I mean, well….did I do something wrong?”
Him: “No, it’s just….I don’t know.”
Me: “Okay, well……”
Him: “I guess I’ll…..talk to you…..later?”
Me: “No. You don’t have to say that.”
Him: “Okay.” (OKAY?!? D*ck!!!!)
Me: “Okay…..”
Him: “Bye.”
And that was it. Dumped! Quick and not painless in the least.
Yes, I know, two months is not a long time to be all bent out of shape, but all that time spent blabbering on the phone, going through the endless dating/interview process, all the time spent hanging out, impressing each other’s friends, laughing, sexy time, blah blah blah……all of it, done and over within a matter of seconds, and he didn’t even flinch.
It’s so weird how people come in and out of our lives so quickly. The worst is when you’re all excited about something and it just doesn’t work out, and there’s nothing you can do about it; you have no control over what the other person is thinking or what their actions will be. But all the hurt I feel now will most likely be gone in a couple weeks and it will be like nothing extreme (which is what it feels like now) even happened.
Crazy.
Yesterday was hell, but it ended with one of my girlfriends coming over to talk, and just when I wanted to cry, she brought out a six pack of beer and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s and we spent an hour laughing about how guys can be so extremely f*cked up sometimes…
…turned out, even with being dumped, not such a bad day after all.
14 Comments
I feel for you hun. Guys can be such jerks sometimes. It hurts when you get dumped even by a guy you didnt really like. We all know how horrible it is when your crush has the talk too. You keep thinking what did I do and whats wrong with me. Anyways keep up the good spirit and I wish you all the luck.
I’ve been down that road myself - though it was the other way around in my case.
Hope you feel better after the weekend.
Amy it’s just the way things go. NOBODY likes it. Don’t be too hard on yourself- or on him. Probably someone ripped out the “How to properly end the thing” chapter of his Love Manual. If it was ever even written. Someday the shoe will be on the other foot, remember how you feel and be kind. But be firm, because even worse than the sudden dump is the slow, painful, never ending downward slide.
This totally sucks and the same thing happened to me last night when I got dumped! I googled “got dumped” and it took me to your story. We were together for 2.5 months, and everything (in my eyes) was going well. We were having great dates, great conversations, committed, sleeping together, he was kind and loving and caring, and then BAM! yesterday I get the call that I’m getting dumped. Felt like my heart was crushed. It also felt horribly sudden, and like there were no warning signs. UGH!
After being dumped last week, I googled “breakups” and landed here. Although relieved (and a little astonished to see my own story written here- down to the two month timeline EXACTLY), I’m sorry to say this may still be happening in your late 20’s (and in his case, early 30’s).
My girlfriends have been great- I wouldn’t have survived this week without them.
WOW! I just had the exact same thing happen…You guys ready? This guy was my neighbor. Heavy and not attractive..(not my type at all) I am not 21 anymore, but I have taken good care of myself. We were all friends in a group and would go out sometimes..He has like me for awhile and I have never saw him in “that way” He and I start spending time together and I really start to like him..Despite my friends constant teasing and harrassing. Two of my gf’s actually cried tears and told me how much better I could do…I did not care..I really opened up to him and things were great! I would sleep over at his house and he would rub my hair and face..He was such a doll to me..I would do everything for him..We were having the best time..We were chessy goofy..texting, “I miss you so much already, blah blah blah b.s.” The last night we spent together was great..We just held each other all night and slept..Next morning I go to work…He text me right away..”i did not want you to go, i miss you so much, I cant wait to see you”. He just disappears for a few days and I text..He tells me something happened and he would explain later..He misses me..When we finally talk 5 days later..he tells me, “we are just at different places” and he only wants good things for me..And that I should find someone to make me happy..I told him I thought I had…It was over..It hurt my heart like a bitch..I cried and begged and made a fool of myself..To make matters worse..I found out I was pregnant on Valentines Day..God I was so scared to tell him..He was really supportive and we talked..He wanted me to have a abortion..It is not something I believe in..But what was I to do? I have 3 children from a previous marriage..I am financially dependant…But after a 15 year marriage…I raise my kids with no help from their dad. He was a abusive asshole and addicted to drugs..I have had to overcome so much…This guy was so NICE..Not attractive..But my GOD..How could he be like this? He went with me to the Dr and paid for it…He cried and said if it were a different time..It would be a good thing…I am heartbroken..I have to work, be a mom..And pretend to everyone like nothing happened..I have not called for 5 days..I miss his fat ass so much…LOL..I am sorry..I am trying to be angry at him..I want to call so bad…Why do they do this?
God I am feeling terribe myself after been dumped by someone I REALLY like 3 days ago.
It also came from no where, everything was going perfect, got sent a slushy text then next time we speak Im dumped cos’its not the right time for him’. I feel gutted but that aside Wendy, you must be feeling awful. It’s alot to go through for anyone, the abortion alone without losing a guy you love but give yourself some time. I dont know why guys do this, I dont get it and prob never will but concentrate on you and your kids as hard as that will be right now.
Maybe you could write him aletter then burn it to get your feelings out. Cheesy I know but it works.
My thoughts are with you hun xxx
ive been official with my boyfriend for a month now and we were talking for like 4 months….it was awesome and we started hanging out more…then all of the sudden my jealous side popped out..i felt horrible..kind of still do. i didnt feel wanted for a little bit..so yea.
it sucks
i need beer and ben and jerrys lol
Your article is my story, too. Sounds like it is quite common.
Met him in early December on a marching band bus, found him through a friend’s facebook during accidentally clicking two weeks later, talked for hours on end for about a month, started dating, and three months and a week later, we were over.
And you know what? I keep finding closure in little things, like your article. It helped me close this up a little more, because now I realize that it just moved too fast and it should have been WAY slower.
Thanks!
Same thing here. I saw a guy for about two and a half months, things were AMAZING for first three weeks. he told me he loved me, wanted to be with me, wake up beside me in the mornings. Then it just sort of . . . went away. Slowly but surely it turned into him only having time for me to have sex with me. I kept getting angry but then he’d be sweet again and I’d take him back. I feel like such a jackass.
Then the other night, a day after he says he’ll take me out, I see him driving around with a blonde in his car. Yeah, I went totally psycho. i followed them adn pulled over and got into a huge fight and then I sent him texts for two days threatening to stalk him if he wouldn’t see me. He didn’t even have the balls to break up with me. He just avoided me and ignored me.
How can somebody say they love you and then just move on and start screwing someone else? I don’t understand. I feel horrible. I’m beautiful and smart and funny and I’ve never been dumped before. I don’t get it. I’m just a total wreck.
Wow I saw when you posted this and almost a year later it is still helping people!
I was dumped last week by a guy I had been seeing for almost 4 months. I was completely heartbroken! How can someone who promised you the moon and talked abouthow it was fate we met just suddenly up and leave? Things were great. We never fought and things were 50/50 in the relationship. But suddenly I don’t hear from him for a week and then BAM I get this voicemail (not even a real conversation) saying he lost his job down here and moved back up there and we were over. Even after he swore that he wanted nothing more to don with “up there.”
I cried about it until someone told me “there is no sense in crying for someone that won’t cry for you.”
Wow I saw when you posted this and almost a year later it is still helping people!
I was dumped last week by a guy I had been seeing for almost 4 months. I was completely heartbroken! How can someone who promised you the moon and talked abouthow it was fate we met just suddenly up and leave? Things were great. We never fought and things were 50/50 in the relationship. Not to mention the sex was great! But suddenly I don’t hear from him for a week and then BAM I get this voicemail (not even a real conversation) saying he lost his job down here and moved back up there and we were over. Even after he swore that he wanted nothing more to don with “up there.”
I cried about it until someone told me “there is no sense in crying for someone that won’t cry for you.”
i got dumped 5 weeks after our baby girl was born, i never expected to happen, he was such a jerk he left me for a women who was almost 50, he’s 40 and i am 34, now he’s is with someone else, and told me well jennifer i’m not seeing karla anymore was that suppose to make me feel better, anyways come to find out he left me at our babys blessing to go be wuth this women, and spent 3 night and days with her, and evry time i asked him who was at the sand dunes with, he told me his friens cory and corys, girlfriend,he the jerk never told me this girl was there, after i found out she was, his reponse was well knew you would get mad at me,,,no sh*t, i said we got a 5 week old baby that you can’t stay over and help me with,(MIND YOU MY X HUSBAND AND I HAVE 5 kids)not to mention i have no family in this state, i moved here for him and he dumped me after i busted his sorry butt for cheating,,,,ok ladies we bond through sex, and i will never have sex before marriage again, so i could advoid this kind of pain again…don’t fall for there stupid promises, i told him i didn’t want to have sex before i got married heres his line of bullsh*t i fell for,,,,god wont be mad at us for making love because we love each other and i am going to marry you in 18 months just let me get things in order,,,,mind you i let him get close to my kids,and he made that same promise to them….now he thinks we should be best friends,,while hes out screwing other women and thinks i am wrong for not being ok with it,,what a *ss.
wow. yeah i googled getting dumped, which i did, last night, by the guy who i’d been dating 2 months and thought i might be falling in love with…and got a very similar “dunno i just think we’re growing apart” (WHAT? after 2 months?) reason. i still can’t be mad…he sat there with me for like 30 minutes while i cried because it’s my fall break and so my friends aren’t around this week. yesterday night i was a mess and i’m still a mess but i can already feel it getting better…
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