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“The first step to meeting men is eye contact. Just one little lingering look can start an entire adventure…”
Yes, well, sure. Eye contact is always the perfect way to let a guy know that you’re interested.
If you can do it.
Now, maybe this seemingly simple task is almost impossible for me because I don’t wear my glasses when I’m out, therefore making it sort of hard to tell if a guy over three feet away is actually looking back—but I think there’s more too it. I think eye contact is actually much scarier than those dating websites would have us believe.
Writing about doing it is easy. I can type about it till I’m blue in the face, advising everyone to totally lock eyes with a boy on the subway, in a bar, walking down the street…it let’s them know you’re interested! It’s a good way to flirt!
But for some reason, putting it into practice is hard. I’m not the shiest person you’ve ever met, but if I think a guy’s cute, it’s really difficult to look him square in the face and smile. I’d much rather look at whatever’s directly above and to the left of him; that way, I can take little peeks without him knowing.
I’m fully aware that this habit of looking-when-he’s-not is counterintuitive and lame, but staring at a hot boy makes me anxious. Why? Maybe because I’m afraid of the reaction he’ll give back. Maybe I’m afraid of seeming too forward? Maybe I’m just chicken shit.
But it totally freaks me out.
Are there other people out there who find flirty glances nerve wracking? Should I just grow a pair and get with the program? Is the fear of eye contact a secret, underground epidemic?
In the meanwhile, I’ll keep staring at the top of hot guys’ heads everywhere.
11 Comments
I totally get this. I don’t make eye contacts with strangers, or look at people for no reason. I can only do the eye contact thing while carrying a normal conversation, and let’s face it, it’s not especially flirty to do something so normal
I’ve really started looking people in the eye a lot since this summer. It helps to just start making eye contact with random people (though not for too long as to not give the wrong impression) and after that it comes more naturally. I worry about weirding people out sometimes though..
Oh gosh, I’m totally with you. If I’m attracted to a guy, I have such a hard time maintaining eye contact. If it’s with normal people - it’s not so much a problem! Haha.
Awkwaaaard, but I’m one of those people who makes eye contact because most people don’t’ and it makes me laugh, lol.
BUT, there’s this one guy, and I CAN stare at him, in the eyes while we talk. Yeah, it scares me shitless, but weird enough is that, it’s just not as rewarding as I would like it to be. It leaves me drained. Weird…
Wow- you know, that’s just an inborn defense mechanism that girls have that is hard to overcome. Guys have the same problem- but they have it with other guys. They avoid eye contact with each other so as not to appear confrontational. When a girl makes eye contact with me we both understand that it is a signal of sorts. Really the girl is saying she might like some kind of further contact…although in most cases she would not say so verbally. And she is not even sure herself she wants contact, or how much, or what kind or…if it’s safe. Hence she feels conflicted. This is when the girl wants you to take charge a little bit. I sense this hesitation in girls and I try to make it easy on them by offering a “I’m safe” signal back…like a little smile. True story, two days ago I’m eating and I see a girl sitting about twenty feet away doing that look-at-me-when-I-don’t-see thing. After a few minutes, I take a napkin and write “HI!” in big letters and put it in the napkin holder where she can see it. She smiles, sinks in her chair, and turns beet red all at the same time. So cute! I smile back, and leave. She chases me down and swears she is not shy and does not usually get embarrassed. We went out that night. Turns out she is a really fun person.
I’m a guy and used to be nervous about making eye contact with girls I liked too: the best way to increase your confidence is to practise!
Try holding eye contact with some guys you’re attracted to. A few seconds will seem like forever, but you will soon get used to it, and a mutual smile at the end is such a kick!
It’s hard to start with, but it gets easier.
When a girl stares at me,d right words jus go then h remain speechless lik micheal
I’ve always found prolonged eye-contact difficult. In regular conversations I never seem to know how long to hold contact and it just feels awkward, but it’s also awkward not making eye-contact. Even with my boyfriend it took a while before we could look into each other’s eyes without blushing, and even now, after a year we still giggle and look away, then look back.
No wonder why women are not marrying until
age 40+. No one is making eye contact. How are you going to meet anyone without making eye contact? This is not helpful in dating “it totally freaks me out.” In Brazil women look at and smile at men more than in the US. It is very odd when women are not only not looking at you but have an uptight look on their mouths.
Like every other girl here, I know exactly what you mean. I saw someone on the bus today and he was cute (not totally hot, but cuter than most guys I’ve seen all summer). We locked eyes… We locked eyes again… He looked away and smiled. Suddenly the bus got ten degrees hotter and I couldn’t bring myself to look in his direction again at all. I changed the song on my ipod five times, I played with my necklace, my eyes darted around. He ended up getting off the bus a few stops before me and I saw him looking in my direction as the bus zoomed by. Seized with sudden regret, I got off at the next stop. Alas (yeah, I said “alas”), the next stop was blocks away and he must’ve reached his destination already. My poor friend had to drive in the wrong direction just to pick me up and hear my lame story. Lesson learned? Maybe.
I got out of the habit of making eye contact (it’s not just for meeting people, but for maintaining connection with friends) while I was dealing with a horrible break-up that left me dejected and depressed.
I’m now forcing myself to regain my confidence and get back into the habit. Here’s my trick…
1. Start with friends (male or female) and family members who really care about you. Consciously make more eye contact than you normally would throughout daily conversation.
2. Then move on to making eye contact with people you will never see again… it works best in a busy area where you can “mess it up” and just move on.
3. By the time you get used to looking into the eyes of completely random people you’ll be ready to really connect with someone you find attractive… hopefully without freaking out too much.
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