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I spend a lot of time telling myself to relax.
Relax, I tell myself. It’s okay that you didn’t have time to straighten your bangs this morning–no one is looking at you. It’s okay that you just said something really stupid to a tourist on the subway–no one is noticing you. No one else really knows you exist. RELAX.
Unfortunately, my seemingly-insane paranoia was validated yesterday.
My boyfriend and I went into a diner that I haven’t been to for about three years. And this is Manhattan, right, so there have been millions of patrons since the last time I’ve been there. And I was never a regular customer or anything like that.
So yesterday I’m in this diner and the waiter brings me my cup of tea and he says, didn’t you used to wear glasses? i remember you–you came in here a few years ago.
People are looking at you. All the time. We are noticing each other’s eyes and hair and bodies and clothes. And it’s not just women.
And I have to wonder, what crazy thing did I do or say to this waiter three years ago that made him remember me?
In this time of Missed Connections and gossip websites and obsession with the minutia of strangers’ appearances, I am becoming alarmingly, preteenly self-conscious about every stupid little thing.
Is this just me? Or am I just nuts?
[Had an experience like Sara? Have you become MORE self-conscious as you’ve grown up? Let us know!]
3 Comments
Haha yes. When I was little, apparently I really liked the Arby’s sandwich called “The Big Montana”, which I think consisted of a quarter pound of roast beef on a bun. I probably actually only had it once at Arby’s, and came back about 6 months later and ordered another. I was shocked that the people there actually remembered. I think they said “Hey, aren’t you that little girl who likes ‘The Big Montana’”. Thankfully, at that age I was too little to be embarrassed, but now I would be mortified.
Although, I guess an 8 year old gymnast being able to down such a manly sandwich was a little surprising.
I have those moments too, but I’ve come to realize that being paranoid and worried about other people is simply just a waist of my time. You know it’s really wonderful when someone notices us, maybe not always for the stupid things we do. In all honesty, would you really want to walk around invisible to everyone around you? I certainly don’t like to be ignored, especially when I’m trying to be seen or heard. Look at it this way: Perhaps the reason you were recognized wasn’t because you said or did something silly or stupid, but because you are memorable. I’d like to be memorable over invisible any day. You?
Haha, yes. And at the strangest times!
I went to a McDonalds when I was in middle school one halloween night with a bunch of friends and YEARS later I went back when I was a sophomore in highschool I believe and one of the guys working asked if I was there a few years back on a halloween night and said I had filled out nicely [creepy but also couldnt blame he noticed since I had gone from about 200lbs to 114lbs]
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