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It seems like everyone’s parents are divorced, and every time someone finds out that my parents are still married after 26 years, they act like my family is weird.
Masses of my friends who come from a ’split’ family love to assume that my family is NOT split simply because my parents are still married. Boyfriends assume that because I have parents that are still married that I too must want to get married.
Well, not only do I not want to get married, but I wouldn’t be surprised if watching my parents all of these years has played a role in that choice.
Sure, they’ve been together for a long time. They’ve stuck it out through thick and thin: cheating, emotional abuse, money problems…you name it. But they don’t make me want to get married.
They’re apocalyptically wrong for each other, first of all, and they’ve stuck this thing out because they believe that staying married is a religious duty. EVEN THOUGH they were both married and divorced before meeting each other.
My mom never really forgave my dad for cheating on her. She has held it over his head every day in every way possible for the last 22 years.
He messed up, but now he’s not even allowed to have friends. And it’s been this way my entire life.
Their communication is on par with a madman screaming at a brick wall. My mom screams, my dad ignores….REPEAT.
My mom is so obsessed with money that she 100% controls my dad’s finances. She checks his receipts daily and instigates full out war if he doesn’t pay attention to her.
Does she need therapy? Hells yes. Maybe they both do. But you know what? They’re not getting it. All they’re doing is staying married. They’re watching American Idol together on Tuesday nights and waiting to die.
I really believe they’d be better off divorced and ever since I found out that parents could get divorced when I was a little girl, I have wanted for my parents to. But they won’t.
I am not impressed by the longevity of their marriage, unlike so many of my peers. In fact, I’m utterly and thoroughly UNimpressed.
I commend those couples who stay married and are HAPPILY married. However, call me crazy, whatever, but I don’t believe in staying unhappily married — ESPECIALLY because my parents still are.
12 Comments
Honestly, I thought I was the only person who felt this way. My parents have been married for 20 years, and for awhile things were really bad. I thought divorce was the only way things would get better.
They have gotten a little better - because my dad now lives in another state for months at a time. He comes home almost as often as I do (like um, for 3 months out of the year?) and when my parents do see each other, they actually seem to …LIKE one another. Crazy.
Either way, I totally get where you’re coming from.
OMG!!!!! FINALLY…someone who feels the same way!
My parents have been married for 21 years…(WOW) I specifically remember asking my mother at age 11 why she doesnt get a divorce!
Physical, emotional, verbal abuse. Cheating money problems you name it…they dont even sleep in the same bed….it’s so crazy! I hate it…they feel like their doing it too keep my mother and i happy but really it just drives us nuts and just all around painful…
FYI…. I’m never planning on getting married….nor was I a little girl who every pictured myself ina wedding dress
That’s the same way with my parents too. the over obsessive but not wanting to be together type of thing.
reading this, i could have sworn you were taking thoughts out of my brain.
My parents are still married, only because if they divorced they would lose the house and being that my sister is still in high school, plus the fact that paying rent on two appartments(his and hers) plus two college tuitions (mine and my brothers, plus my sisters in 2 years) they would be up to their asses in debt. They sleep in different rooms and constantly tell me not to marry for love because you’ll end up unhappy.
I appreciate them staying together for us, and although the arrangement is weird and does have its occasional problem, it does work. It also, however, worked in convincing me that marriage is not for me. They are one of two couples, out of all of my friends, whose parents are still together and seeing how terrible their situation worked out, i have decided its not for me.
We just live in a world now where marriage is not a vital part of life, and i’ve decided its not for me.
Wtf! Why would you wish this on your parents!? I’m sorry but i don’t care if it is a fashionable thing…which just make me even more sick but having parent divorced is a horrible thing to wish for. I had to go through the whole event at such a young age and it traumatised me. WHY! It is awful to see the two people you love stop lovng each other, shouting and arguing at one another. It isn’t a great experience why oh why would you wish this. It is painful and tiring…it tired me emotionally and physically to the extent that i will never get married cuz i am too afraid to inflict the same pain to my kids.
Although I understand your point A.L., it’s different when you’re older and can see how unhappy it makes your parents. If I had seen my parents being unhappy being together but doing it anyway without any good reason, then I would wish for them to get a divorce in order to find happiness.
Granted, my parents divorced out of the blue almost 2 years ago and although it was hard, I’ve accepted it and my mom is now getting remarried tomorrow. I know she’s happy and that’s what matters and that’s what I care about.
This is such a problem now a days. Divorce should not be such an easy option. If it wasn’t it would force people to work through their problems, get counseling, try and bring back the memories of better days. My parents have been married for 24 years and i know they’re unhappy, my mom constantly calls my dad an asshole and he bitches her out for not listening and talking to him (NO ONE can talk to him, he has such a bad temper)but occasionally they’ll be really sweet to each other, they still sleep in the same room and they stay together because they made a commitment to each other. A commitment that should not be broken unless there is some danger in the relationship. We’re a family and families stick together and work through their problems, they don’t give up on each other. If your family gives up then who the hell can you possibly rely on? Divorce is fucked up and you’re pretty much giving up and taking the easy way out.
And if someone cheats on you, they can never be trusted again, because if someone is willing to cheat then they obviously don’t love you and if they don’t then there is nothing to stop them from doing it again and again. You can forgive them but get out of that relationship and find someone that truly does love you. (this is another way i would approve of a divorce because if someone is cheating then it puts your health in danger, and no one deserves that).
I’ve begged my dad for years to divorce my mother. It never happens.
I AGREE with you 104583059%! i too, like the others, thought i was crazy and the only who wished divorce upon my parents. my family and family friends also constantly tell my mom to divorce my dad but she doesn’t want to, because “it’ll tear the family apart”! like the constant memories of child abuse and spouse abuse WON’T?! what the fuck is that? she stayed with him after he always accuses her of cheating and he totally is cheating behind her back, by the way! also he’s unemployed and beat his kids and wife in the past! and every month they always have that one huge fight where he’ll say things like “fuck you and your ugly face! you’re aa stupid, dumb ass bitch, just divorce me right now and leave me!” and she NEVER DOS IT, i swear i’ll have to get the divorce paper FOR them, the next time it happens. fuck, i hate it. i’ll probably never get married either if it fucks me up like it did my parents.
My parents are still married after 18 years (I’m 18) for a few different reasons but I don’t think one of them is that they still love each other. They were both divorced before they married each other and fought on their first date. The problem is how different they are. I would like to get married one day but I know that I should marry someone who is similar to me. No need to be scarred for life, it’s more an opportunity to see what doesn’t work.
I absolutely understand where you’re coming from. I’ve been fortunate enough to have parents that have loved eachother throughout their entire marriage (almost 35 years), but I’ve also seen so many families draw out the pain by trying to keep it together.
I have to disagree with Casey about cheating. I think you can love someone and cheat on them. Its not really a matter of love. I feel like its about satisfaction, selfishness, validation, and probably loads of other things. I’m not exactly a psychologist, but those seem to be among the real issues involved when someone cheats.
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