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“Who did this to you?” a new friend asked me yesterday when she noticed my near gagging at a couple holding hands crossing the street in front of us. It was followed later by a, “Damn…I would never date you!”.
I come off to everyone as a jaded and heartless b*tch, I guess. But that’s not really it at all. It’s not my lack of emotion that makes me steer clear of relationships. On the contrary, it’s my abundance of emotion. Sound silly?
Well, yeah. It is silly. But it’s how I am. When I really like a guy, I’m f*cking worthless. Every moderately aching emotion makes me want to puke all over everything around me. Love hurts…it’s not just a song, people. Sure, I feel ecstasy. I feel love. To quote songstress Feist, I feel it all. But when the pain comes, it kills me. I lost fifteen pounds in two weeks once after a breakup that I couldn’t emotionally handle.
So I should probably get my emotions in order, huh? Maybe go to a therapist…get on some meds…develop an addiction just so that I can…ignore my emotions? It doesn’t make sense to me to do that. But I will work out frequently. I will keep my social circle growing and I will keep working my ass off with my career.
Nonetheless, it seems to me that no matter how healthy I am outside of relationships, I’m still way too overly emotional inside of them. I don’t want to be, but it’s hard to shake. I’d rather be alone than deal with the choking feeling I get when I find out that someone I’ve invested my heart into isn’t any good for me.
I don’t know WHO did this to me, but I know that it’s how I react to ‘love’. (See? Even just there, I had to put love in quotes…)
Am I the only allegedly ‘overly’ emotional girl out there?
6 Comments
im underemotional, never “fell” and basically not care to. It happens when it happens
emotions are the realest thing that you have and i dont think that it is a negative thing to be “overally emotional,” as you put it. It makes you real, and you’re not hiding them, or covering it up like a lot of people out there… be glad that you arent apathetic about everything!
It’s OK to be emotional. I had a very wise person (OK, a therapist) once tell me he would be more worried if I (you) didn’t show emotion. Just try to enjoy the sensations of being alive.
I’m the same way. I can only think about the person I’m seeing if I am seeing someone. Every song reminds me of them, I only want to tell stories about them when I talk to my friends, I envision our future together, etc. It makes no sense. I have been burned by guys before but it feels like I still can’t wake up and see that reality is nothing like the love story in my head. I don’t know what the solution is, and it does feel good when I get so lovey-dovey about someone.
YES!! Me too. Exactly. All of it. Better to be emotionally unavailable than let myself fall and have it hurt that badly when it’s over. Right?
This is exactly what I think too. I find it unhealthy for me to be so emotional at times. I’m quite stable in my every day life. But I do have a boyfriend now, which is rare, because I hate getting close to people. I’m very attached to him, and when he tells me he loves me I choke up! Not because I dont love him, I really do. But because I’m not used to hearing it. I don’t know how to respond. I feel uncomfortable. I wish I could tell him how I feel but it’s so hard, I dont know where to start. So yes, I too feel emotionally unhealthy!! I’m trying to find an answer/ cure without spending a fortune on a therapist. I have my own theories… my dad left when I was 4. I’m not very close to any of my family. We’re not a huggy/ lovey type of family. I have also noticed it’s been a million times worse since I started taking the pill. Of course I only went on the pill when I was with my boyfriend so I can’t tell either way what is the cause. But, whatever it is, I know I’ve gotta snap out of it!!
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