Here at CC, our opinions on love, sex and relationships cover pretty much the whole spectrum of ideals (and according to the fantastic discussions amongst commentors, so do yours, lovely readers). However I think we can all agree that long distance relationships are difficult.
Whether you are a serial LDD-er (long distance dater, obvs) or this is your first case of separation anxiety, remember that a summer break is not a relationship death sentence, but more of a Paris-esque mini lockdown with time off for good behavior!
The most important aspect of a long distance relationship (as in any other healthy one) is communication. Beyond the obvious (calling, texting, IMing), it’s important to create an open channel of expression that allows you both to clearly explain your thoughts, feelings and, most importantly, expectations throughout this relationship vacation (not the Speidi version).
Before you two lovebirds separate, talk about the impending geographical issue. Discuss how you’re feeling about it (nervous? anxious? scared?) and why. Bring up your thoughts on the social scene and parties. I’m not a believer in strict rules governing your right to party (thank you, Beastie Boys) but your definition of a good time might be quite different from his (Is it ok to flirt shamelessly but innocently for free drinks? Are you cool with a night at the strip club with his boys?). By talking about problems like wandering eyes or drifting apart before they happen, you can easily avoid them. And by establishing a sitch where you can freely talk about stuff like that will help you stay secure in your union.
Now that you two have gotten all the paperwork out of the way, enjoy your last night together and prepare to start a new chapter in your relationship that will only strengthen it, if done correctly.
An easy way to feel close without physicality it to try to maintain a routine. Designate phone time during breaks at work. Text each other during boring lectures (not that I’m encouraging you to neglect your schoolwork or anything.) Watch Jeopardy together and race each other to IM the answers. Winner gets paid in sexual favors (keep tally for the reunion!). Remember that, yea you guys are apart and that sucks, but some of your favorite things to do together can still be done at a distance.
That said, shake it up a little bit and surprise each other. If you know he’s hanging out around his apartment with nothing to do, order his favorite pizza and have it delivered to him, all expenses paid. Get your guy friends or brother to challenge him at Halo and talk smack to him through their head piece until he figures out it’s you.
For a more timeless surprise, never underestimate the power of snail mail. He gets calls and e-mails from everyone. You know who he gets mail from? Bill collectors. And his Grandma on his birthday. Imagine his surprise when he gets a legit, full blown love letter from his favorite person in the whole wide world.* Does he have a hobby? Get him a subscription to a cool guy mag. Are you an Iron Chef? Bake him his favorite recipe à vous and ship that deliciousness his way. (Or try any of these to remind him jusssst how much he misses you.)
Of course, the best surprise you can deliver is your wonderful self, but that’s a little cost prohibitive via UPS. Unless they ship humans, cause, um, done. Anyways, if you have the coin to splurge on airline tix (make that money, girl!), get the cheapest tickets known to girl-kind. If not, consider the alternatives. Split the gas with some friends if he’s within driving distance. Grab a few of your girlfriends and get a car on a train (I’m not sure if it’s legal, but a bottle of your preference could make it quite a fun ride). Consider meeting him halfway somewhere that you both would love to visit, like a theme park or cute town, that happens to be inexpensive. Seeing your boyfriend? Sweet. Going on an impromptu vacay with said studmuffin? SWEET!
When it comes down to it though, the hardest part about LDR’s is keeping it hot. Done and done. Embrace your inner sex kitten and fire up that webcam babydoll! If that’s a little too American Pie for your tastes, start out slow with some suggestive texting or phone sex (if you can keep a straight face). Send him sexy pictures (nothing too risque though, you never know where those will end up). If the wonders of modern technology just ain’t your thang, simply assure your boyfriend that the temptress he left behind is ready and eagerly awaiting his (or your) return.
While you are apart, though, revel in your newfound freedom! Not that he kept you tied up or anything– unless you’re into that– but emotionally and time-wise, a boyfriend most definitely occupies the majority of your schedule. This means more time for your long lost girlfriends! Bring on brunch, sleepovers, girl’s night out and chick flick marathons. No matter how much you miss your guy, your girls will more than make up for his absence. Another benefit? Alone time! Enjoy the time you would usually spend with him all. by. yourself. At first it might feel like you’ve just been surgically separated from your Siamese twin, but eventually you’ll crave time to lay around, read a book, or just chill on the lonesome.
Being apart can be hard, but if you make the effort to maintain your already awesome coupledom, this trial will only make you stronger (cheesy, but true). And whenever you get sad or lonely, mentally play your reunion (running hug, big kiss and goofy smile, the works!) and how much more you’ll appreciate each other then.
*Additional benefit: a reciprocated love letter, leading to a Notebook style correspondence that will lead to a torrid reunion and leave you with priceless sentimental scrapbook fodder. Mmm scrapbooking.

5 Comments
i’m in one of those right now…
and yeah, it sucks. i miss him like crazy.
but at the same time i talk to him every single day. i even made him watch project runway with me last night
in april when the semester was drawing to a close, we discussed what would happen this summer.
we haven’t been together long, so agreed that we’d be open this summer. we both could see other people. we tell each other everything, and he even jokes around when i tell him about guys who i think are cute. but so far neither of us has done anything with anyone else…honestly i think it’s because neither of us get out of the house much.
he lives 400 miles away so i drove to see him as a soon as i got my first paycheck from my summer job. it was amazing. i also finally got to meet his family, see where he grew up, etc.
like i said we talk everyday, not at scheduled times, but we somehow manage to get ahold of each other. we send each other pictures(ranging from G to R rated :P), and i’ve even written him a letter.
i guess what i’m getting at is that a LDR isn’t the worst thing in the world. we’ve been making it work everyday since may 1st when i left. and there’s nothing i look forward to more than seeing him in august. we’ve definately grown together the last 2 and a half months, instead of apart like we both thought we would
I’m going to California next spring semester for 4 months and will be apart from my bf of 3 and a half years. We’ve had some real intense talks about the super long distance subject (we live in Wisconsin!) and though this article really isn’t directed toward my situation, I got a bunch of really great tips to keep the love going, when when I’m 2000 miles away!
I dated a girl once for 2 years, with probably 21 months of those spent completely apart. The relationship really didn’t work at all, partly because the distance kept us from being normal together. Mostly, though, we couldn’t stop being jealous of the time the other spent with anybody else. A missed phone call or a misspoken word became a symbol of the trust that did not exist between us. It was a strongly emotional relationship, but we spent so much time distrusting each other that the love barely got in.
I’ve been dating another girl now for 5 years, and this is our 3rd summer apart. It’s hard to go without that touch, and not just sexual — it’s impossible to bond through an ethernet cable. But cell phones, IMs, and web cams take some of the sting off, and having visits to look forward to definitely helps.
What Kevin says is interesting, because I’ve been in a relationship for almost 3 years with the vast majority of the time spent apart, and it’s working very well. I think the key is that we trust each other and we have a firm foundation. We’re committed to each other, so I don’t worry if he goes to hang out with somebody else, and he doesn’t worry if he calls a few times and can’t get ahold of me. We both know that we’ve made each other a priority, even though we’re not in the same spot.
I think you just have to be committed in order to make LDRs work. If you say you’re going to call at a specific time, CALL AT THAT TIME or else let the person know ahead of time why you can’t and when you will be able to. If it’s meant to be, you know, then it’ll be.
My boyfriend and I practically live together during the school year, so when he left for Taiwan a month ago to study abroad for 7 weeks, I almost went mad with anxiety. Because of the time difference we don’t get to talk often, and his correspondence with me is pretty inconsistent because of all the field trips and work he’s doing over there. We try to Skype as much as possible, but still, there are some nights where it’s almost too hard to handle — not being able to hear his voice or look forward to seeing him anytime soon, etc.
It’s been tough, but I agree with the cheesy part of this article, in that I really think that it’s making us both stronger as a couple and stronger as individuals. And I think the distance has actually made us appreciate each other more, which is something I think often gets overlooked when you see someone and spend time with them everyday for 24 hours a day. When I see him again (in just 3 more weeks) I think it’ll be a really special moment, because it’ll be nice to return to each other again after having equally amazing, yet independent summers.
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