Loading ...
Put this under Things You Should Not Do If You Want To Remain A Happy Person: finding out what your ex is up to now.
To preface, I’m not talking about the person you dated for a month who you kind of cared about but never enough to commit and / or introduce him to your friends. If you want to look through that guy’s Facebook or Myspace, go ahead. Seeing him with his arms wrapped around another girl will probably do nothing but make you kind of glad you’re no longer seeing someone who thinks weird neck tattoos of skulls are cool.
But look, if you loved the dude (or chick), and it kind of ripped your heart out when things ended, do yourself a favor let them remain a mystery. Don’t try to find them on Facebook if you’re not already connected, unfriend them if you are, don’t ask mutual friends about who they’re dating, and for the love of god, DON’T GOOGLE THEM.
I am a naturally nosey person, but after The Big Ex and I split up years ago, I refused to seek out information on the girl he started dating a mere few weeks after our 4 year stint ended. I knew my friends had info, I could tell by their eyes whenever they tried to jump away from the subject, but I never pressed them. And when information was accidentally spilled to me, I made a conscious effort to change the subject and told people “I really don’t care to know”. It was hard, because I did care to know, but I knew that need for knowledge was coming from a macabre place in my brain that loved to torture the rest of me. He was happy with someone else. That was painful enough. I didn’t need to know if she was prettier, thinner, or more talented than I was, and I certainly didn’t need to see any pictures on Facebook of them making out on the streets of NYC.
If you’re still smarting from a breakup, even if it’s years later, the more information you find out about your Ex, the more crippled you’re apt to become. So you find out he or she is living happily in some small town in California — you probably won’t be able to travel the entire state without schizo-ing out a little that you’ll run into them. If you find out they’ve moved on to a new partner while you’re still single, those lonley nights are apt to become a little lonelier — because what are you doing wrong that you haven’t found someone else too? And what if their name pops up on a Google search next to some crazy award or accolade? Even though you’re awesome…watching someone who hurt you continue to prosper just don’t feel good.
Since there’s an exception to every rule, most likely there are people out there who can read the Encyclopedia Britannica on their Ex and feel fine about it. I have never been one of those people, and I’d wager there are a few people like me out there. So look, to all of you sensitive types, I know you want to know what the Person Who Kinda Broke Your Heart is up to, but for your own health — do something else instead. You’re a good person, you’re doing great things, and someday you’ll find someone else. Don’t waste your time soaking up the sucky, soapy water of heartbreak all over again.
[Agree with these thoughts? Have rentching examples? Share!]
13 Comments
Damn coincidences. I just looked up my ex and then opened up college candy to find this post at the top of the list.
Good advice, darlin’.
yeah…clicked on mine yesterday to find that he not only has a new someone but is freaking engaged!
I’m going to go ahead and click the “block” button before the engagement pics come up because I know I won’t have the will-power…
thank so much for this post. after just ending things with a boyfriend of a little less than 4 years, i find myself constantly thinking about what hes up too. and this post has convinced me to stop because your 100% right. thank you again!
WOW!
this is EXACTLY what i did after a 4.5 yr run w/my ex and it probably saved my life. i deleted myself off facebook, myspace and everything possible so i had 0 contact. i knew he was dating one of my ‘friends’ and i knew that my other ‘friends’ were trying not to make it obvious. i played dumb the whole time and ignored it…with a lot of alcohol in the beginning nonetheless- but i did!
i dropped almost everyone who was trying to play me in my life and i’m so thankful for it. My bff is the nosiest person i know alive and i knew she was Sherlock holmesing his profile month and month. But i told her straight up with anger in my voice that i simply did not want to know ANY THINGGGG.
I went off in the world on my own , and i didn’t know what was going on with the one person who as my best friend from childhood. yes, i was alone a lot of the time… i cried, i ate, i gained weight…all those things but now that i haven’t turned my head back since, i have no regrets and i never think about it anymore. you come to realize… i dont KNOW THIS PERSON ANYMORE.
*SO*
… so one of my fav sites is ‘hotchickswithdouchebags.com’- i go on it…and what DO YOU KNOW!?!?!?
THERE’S THE EX STARING RIGHT BACK AT ME THRU MY LAPTOP SCREEN!
i spit my sprite almost thru my nose.
after 2 years of completely unplugging myself and disappearing…i was faced with my biggest fear of seeing him/his pic.
guess what?
i didn’t feel a THING. In fact…i laughed. ..and i realized that i had conquered all my fears and all the pain had slowly been cured my time!
GIRLS GOING THRU A BREAK UP: DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND FOLLOW THIS RULE!!!
You people are pathetic. If you have to unplug yourself from reality to prevent your ex from interfereing with your life, what are you accomplishing? So you give up all your friends, things you like to do, even gain weight and think you actually did something good?
Haha I resisted the temptation to look up my ex for about a year when I went off to college, but then I gave in when I saw that we had a mutual friend on facebook. At first it kind of hurt to see that he had acquired a cute new blond girlfriend but then I realized that he hadn’t acquired many friends during his freshman year–she was pretty much the only one who wrote on his wall. I almost wished he could see my profile and all of the new friends and boys I had made. So in a sense, it was empowering. But I don’t want to become the crazy stalker ex so I haven’t looked him up since.
For either Girls or Guys it is a bad idea to go stalking ex’s. Jeaz, there are SOOO many peeps out there and getting upset over one is useless. Especially in today’s use-it-and-lose-it society (girls don’t deny some of you act just like us guys do). Hey, I am no saint and have been a sinner at times, even have a regret or two, but if you’re focused on what you’ve left behind, you will not be able to see what lies ahed.
Now go up, and look around!
(I think I got that from Ratatouille)
I got dumped by a girl who I met that is going to be at my college this fall. We originally started as friends and I thought it would be a good idea to see if she’d want anything more. I was going more for a fun summer “fling” at first but then she started being clingy, calling me alot just wanting to talk and all that, and her friends sent me a few messages on facebook saying that I was hurting her by not asking her out, so I did even though I wasn’t looking for commitment so I sort of had to make myself fall in love. I fell for her and then it turns out that she didn’t want a relationship after all (I found out she was manic), and so she called off the relationship and started talking to a bunch of other guys. It’s hard to avoid her since she signed up to be in the same dorm as me and she wants to be best friends, but now I get to see everyone she talks to and it’s really hard :-\
Great advice, but far too late for me… The other day I was terribly bored, so I googled my ex. And it wasn’t pretty. Not only is his carreer booming, he and his new girlfriend (they started dated only weeks after we split, now they are together for several years) moved to another country (for HER job, not his) and he gave her the same petname that he used for me. How tacky is that?! I should have read this post sooner…
funny thing===mine added me to his. oh well he can suffer while i continually have amnesia on who he is……and he texted me after he changed his number too. why am i going to keep in contact with him? so i changed my number and got a new phone-without his # in it. but i know i have better fish to fry—-
I broke up with my boyfriend three-four months ago. To get over him I deleted him off my buddy list and deleted his number off my cell, and then refused to click his name on Facebook or Myspace. Now, I’m pretty much over him. Kind of. I still like him a teeny bit but I can easily go to his page w/o breaking down and start crying. It’s gonna suck seeing him at college though…
this is amazing advice. i recently broke up with my boyfriend of 4.5 years and i have to say it is by far the HARDEST thing i have ever done. we live in the same area, have tons of mutual friends, have family connections, etc - so its pretty much impossible to get him out of my life completely. we also didn’t break up hating each other, so i didnt want to ruin that. however, my ex is definitely the flirty type (main reason i broke up with him) and the first month was torture for me, seeing him add all these new girls on facebook, that i didnt know and that i couldnt ask him about. he also removed tags from all his tagged photos and deleted pcitures of me from his profile photos album. facebook is the WORST thing to have during a breakup. i wish i could just deactivate it but its my main source of communication with my other friends so that wouldnt really work out.
anyways, i decided i wasn’t going to click on his profile anymore. EVER. and its been a week, and so far i havent. i can still see the thumbnail of his picture when it shows up sometimes in recent updates, etc. but i haven’t clicked on it. dreading the day that its a picture of him with another girl but i’m sure its only a matter of time. ignorance is bliss. believe me.. what you don’t know can’t hurt you.
i want to meet you
Post a Comment