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When one of my friends gets a new boyfriend, I either hear an “Oh, we’re going to be together forever” speech or an “I don’t think I like him that much, we’ll probably break up soon” comment. I’ve always thought of myself as falling in the middle of these two categories, but an argument with my boyfriend made me think of how long I thought we could really go.
Even though it’s still the summer, my best friends and I have started talk of what to do for spring break. We were thinking of more people to invite and I brought the request up to my current boyfriend.
“If we’re still together by March, would you want to come to Mexico with us?” I asked.
“What do you mean ‘if’?” he replied. “Are you saying you think we’ll break up in the next few months?”
This exchange of words was followed by a rather long argument in which he thought I was being mean and I thought he was being unreasonable. I mean, if you’ve only been going out for 5 months, how far in advance should you really plan? Don’t get me wrong, I’ve planned parts of relationships before but they’ve never quite turned out the way I wanted.
The only long-term relationship I’ve ever had was with a guy who was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything basically, and I thought it was one of those “Oh, we’re going to be together forever” type deals. We were so ’serious’ we had even talked about baby names (I cringe even typing that). Fast forward a year and a half later and we had broken up because I had finally realized what a jealous control freak he was. Not exactly the “forever” scene I had thought of. But I’ll chalk that one up to being 15 and dumb.
But then my last relationship consisted of me buying a Christmas present for my boyfriend three weeks in advance, assuming of course that we would still be together by that day. To my surprise, he dumped me two weeks before Christmas and I was left with tears and a pair of non-refundable gauge earrings. Not to mention I felt completely stupid for thinking we could keep our relationship intact for a few oncoming weeks.
So after all of that, I am definitely hesitant to think more then a few days in advance. Who knows how things will go tomorrow with the boyfriend let alone seven months from now? But is it better to be safe then sorry when in a relationship?
Or should we all just toss our doubts to hell and plan our honeymoon with the guy we’ve been dating for a couple months?
[photo from jupiterimages]
7 Comments
I’m thinking that totally going and planning your relationship right away is too much. You don’t have to be completely hesitant, just enjoy what you have while you have it. The longer you stay together though, like more than a year or two, it’s ok to think about the future a little bit.
“The only long-term relationship I’ve ever had was with a guy who was my first boyfriend, first kiss, first everything basically, and I thought it was one of those “Oh, we’re going to be together forever” type deals. We were so ’serious’ we had even talked about baby names (I cringe even typing that). Fast forward a year and a half later and we had broken up because I had finally realized what a jealous control freak he was. Not exactly the “forever” scene I had thought of. But I’ll chalk that one up to being 15 and dumb.”
wow, you just described my first relationship PERFECTLY. i think you’re right, though, things are always subject to change and you don’t know who you’ll be with in a few months.
I’m currently in a long distance relationship, but I would never say “If we’re still together” because that implies to the other person that you’re going to break up. You can’t plan a relationship or what happens. And you can wait until as late as December or January to book a spring break trip.
wow! i’m trying to figure out the exact same thing right now. my girlfriends and i are trying to put a down payment on spring break before september, and now im facing a similar dilema. do i shack up with the girls ? or is it safe to plan 7 months ahead and get a room with the boyfriend …. so funny to read this right now! let us know what you decide
I agree with you that your boyfriend was being unreasonable by getting so upset, but I think next time you should just leave out the, “if we’re still together,” part because like CC said, it implies to the other person that you’ll be breaking up. If you had simply asked him if he wanted to go, he may have said yes and if it turned out that you had broken up when those plans rolled around, then you’d adjust those plans and have a good time without him!
I don’t even bother addressing the topic of how long or short my relationships will last. That’s not to say that planning for the future is out of the question, but it’s better not to attempt to predict the future, or to darken it with thoughts of breaking up.
I was broken up with on Christmas Eve. While trying to tell him that I loved him. For the first time.
I just got home from a road trip with a good friend and she spent a lot of time talking about her boyfriend. They’ve been together for three months and they have a date chosen for their wedding (in 2011). I think that’s a little much. I’d be afraid to think about that kind of stuff, lest I jinx the relationship.
-J (http://killjill.wordpress.com)
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