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Here at CollegeCandy, a lot of the writers are constantly criticized for their sexual choices so much that the word “slut” can be found in just about any article related to sex. Other females (and some males) feel that it is important to pass judgement on others who do not share the same beliefs and practices as themselves.
I am one of the many college girls that sees no problem in being young and enjoying a little (or a lot) sex every once in a while. But as thousands of college freshmen are planning on partaking in some type of sexual activity once arriving on campus, many of them will forget about the most important thing: being safe.
On a recent outing with some girlfriends, we encountered a group of men on a street corner belting out bible verses and holding large signs displaying all the things God supposedly hates (pre-marital sex, homosexuality, drunkeness and so on). As one of the men saw us walking by, he stopped mid-verse, turned to us and said “Did you know that 1 in 4 teen girls will catch in STD?” We all looked at him in disgust and walked away (the nerve!), but secretly I wanted to hang my head in shame, because I was the one girl he was referring to.
Before I left for college I never really thought much about hooking up in college. I had just broken up with my high school sweetheart and had no interest in seeing any other boys. I just laughed as my mother handed me a box of generic condoms, told me to be safe and kissed me goodbye.
Things started out pretty normal at school, until one night. I was in the middle of a pretty intense hookup with Derrick*, a laid back fellow freshman who was the complete polar opposite of my arrogant and popular ex. A friend of a friend, we constantly found ourselves at the same parties and happened to find ourselves alone one night. After some chatting and a couple of beers we decided to go back to his place. He was great in bed and had no problem with wearing a condom, except for oral sex.
So we continued to hook up on a regular basis. And everything was fine, until I visited my gyno during Winter Break only to find out that I had contracted HPV.
I was so hurt, ashamed and angry that I couldn’t bring myself to cry. When I called to Derrick to inform him, he told me that he was fine (many guys assume this since many of them don’t show symptoms) and that I was just another dirty slut. I felt depressed all the time and even thought about suicide; I felt that I didn’t deserve to live any more because I made such a stupid mistake and had became just another teen statistic, something I told myself would never happen.
After keeping my situation to myself for so long, I finally had to courage to tell my best friend what happened. Between comforting me and quieting my sobs, she told me that 1. My life wasn’t over and 2. If I just took care of myself I would be fine.
Today I’m doing somewhat better. I’ve been eating healthy and exercising to regulate my immune system, but I’m still coping with the fact I’ll have to live with the virus forever, unless someone miraculously finds a cure. Months after my diagnosis I find it very difficult to approach guys. I’m not sure how or if I will tell a guy about it, should we decide to have sex. I constantly find myself wondering how I could have gotten this, despite my efforts to be safe. I try to live my life like a normal teen, but every time I think about sex my HPV status stays in my head as a constant reminder.
So go ahead and call me every demoralizing name possible, but your harsh words are nothing compared to the numerous mental beatings I’ve put myself through. I hope that every fellow girl reading this will realize that you are not invincible, and that by not protecting yourself my story could easily be yours. So please , wear a condom every time you have sex (including oral and anal) and don’t be afraid to talk to you doctor about getting tested for STDs every couple of months. It’s important to truly consider who you want to have sex with, since HPV can be transmitted, even with the use a of condom.
(For more info on HPV/Genital Warts click here)
15 Comments
Great article! Thank you so much for sharing. So many girls have gone through something like this. Its important for people to speak up!
Honestly, as much as I support you for bringing up this issue, you don’t have a healthy attitude towards it. Yes, all the facts that’ve stated are correct but if you look at statistics, 80% of women get HPV at one point or another. Also, it doesn’t stay in your body forever, it goes away. As for your partner, there is no test for guys that can determine whether or not they have HPV, so they can have it without knowing it. If you have sex, you can get HPV. One partner or many, condoms or not. In fact, you probably will. You should be responsible but there is no need to feel you’ve ruined sex for yourself forever. Your article makes it sound more depressing than it really is…
That’s really brave of you to put yourself out there and to share your story, especially since so many articles on this site mention sex (my own posts included).
But, based on your article, I don’t find any reason for anyone to call you a demoralizing name. It seems like you were as safe as you could be– it was one guy, over a long period of time. This goes to show that HPV (or other STDs) can happen to anyone.
I’m sorry for your situation, but you really shouldn’t beat yourself up so badly. Don’t let the virus dictate who you are as a person.
Sorry this is so long. I just want to give you a hug!
The thing about HPV, though, is that it can be transmitted via torso to torso contact, abdomen, and other skin. It is not limited to sexual contact. Safer sex exists, but safe sex does not.
http://hpv.emedtv.com/hpv/when-can-a-person-contract-hpv.html
Slut!!! I hope you get AIDS. That’ll teach you.
I just read this article and decided to scroll down to leave a comment for you to say something encouraging to the writer of this article. I can’t help but have my blood boil when I read comments (or hear comments) like the one Rovelyn stated.
I’m not going to throw fighting words, but Rovelyn, you should be ashamed of yourself. This individual who wrote this article is trying to reach out to whoever will read this and hopefully help others make smart choices. Yet, you dare to call her a slut for having a sexual relationship with 2 guys? AND you “hope she gets AIDS?” I can’t believe you would say that to anybody. You have a problem.
Anyway…
To the writer of this article I admire you for sharing your story, and best wishes to wherever your life leads you.
yeah, ignore what that idiot rovelyn said.
it is really brave to speak out, i sort of know how it feels, but i dont have an std, i just had something unusual happen to me.
i was misdiagnosed for about a period of 4 hours… what happened was i decided to get checked for all STDs, and the nurse called me, and said i had herpes. then i get another phone call, where they asked me to come in right away, and i was told that the nurse read my information wrong. i never wanted to kill another human being so bad in my life.
but moving on… i remember during that 4 hour period where i thought i had the std and i didnt, thoughts of suicide were going through my head, and i remember wondering how i would ever date again. I think the important thing to remember though, is that 1 in 4 means there are plenty of others in the same situation, though many stds are undetectable until theyve caused more severe damage/symptoms, so its easier for the younger ones to not get tested and ignore. These high statistics make it seem ridiculous to me that there is even a social stigma attatched, being that it doesnt even take promiscuity to get an std.
i just cant praise you enough though for writing this article, its something no one talks about enough. a lot of people are in the same situation, and theres no reason to blame yourself at all.
im just wondering though… why the study only on teenage girls? how many teenage boys have stds?
Did anyone else think Rovelyn is being sarcastic?
Anyways, I wish there’s a way to have fun and be totally safe, but sadly it’s utterly exhausting to rule out all the risks. HPV is really easy to catch, so other than not hooking up with strangers and really finding partners you can trust, the only other way to stay entirely clean is to have no sex and not touch other people very much :-/
Seriously?? I was upset when I first found out I had HPV but…this article sounds like something I would write if I found out I had genital herpes. 80% of women will contract HPV in their lifetimes. Tons of my girlfriends have had it-none of whom I would label as a “slut.” My MOTHER contracted HPV at one point in her life. The only thing about HPV is to get checked every 6 months by the gyno until you get two normal paps in a row, then you can go back to once a year. Not all strains of HPV are cancer-causing, either.
Sweetie, HPV doesn’t make you dirty, and it doesn’t make you promiscuous. It’s a bit like chicken pox-a lot of people get it, and for most people, it dies and the virus lays dormant in your system. I’m sorry you felt the need to beat yourself up over it, because it’s nothing to be ashamed of.
Darcy, I was thinking the same thing. But none the less her comment was uncalled for.
to the writer, I commend you for writing this. This was a very well written article on a serious matter. And I know people who can relate very well to your story. I want to forward this to all of my friends, because this is the kind of advice people need, that if you’re going to have sex, you HAVE to be safe. Good luck with everything.
Rovelyn, HPV, not HIV.
To all the commenters saying that HPV is no big deal, you are forgetting that its also the virus that causes genital warts. So its not necessarily just a “you might get cancer some day” kind of thing. You can be fighting outbreaks for the rest of your life, much like herpes.
girl, what are you freaking out about?? Everyone gets HPV– girls who say they don’t/haven’t had it probably are asymptomatic so they weren’t tested, or they don’t go to the dr. enough. (seriously, I have had friends who have NEVER had a pap smear tell me how clean and STD-free they are: WHAT??) Anyway, the point is, its not something to freak out over. Yes, HPV can cause warts or cervical cancer, but all you have to do is be healthy and it will go away! Mine went away in a couple months without doing anything. Its transmitted by, like, ANY sexual contact. So for those of you who think you don’t have it, I bet you do. But its not a big deal.
I am actually really insulted by Shar’s comment. I found out recently that I’d contracted genital herpes (from my boyfriend of two years mind you) and I try hard to keep my head up about the situation. I have a really hard time not feeling shameful about this issue, but it’s people with this attitude that make me forever insecure.
I’d like to add my thanks for writing this article, more people need to realize that the stigma attached to catching something is a bit unfair, and somewhat hypocritical.
Catching something from sex means one thing- you had sex with someone who wasn’t a virgin.
I feel like any sexually active person who judges others for catching something is doing it out of a bit of self fear- that it could happen to them, and they want to feel better for not having (or knowing they have) something. If you know someone who caught something you should be supportive, not judemental.
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