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Q: Is it taboo to date a guy 6 years older in college?
A: I honestly laughed out loud when I saw this question in my inbox. As anyone who knows me can tell you, I have a soft spot for the older men. When I was 19, I found myself newly single after a two-year relationship. After about a week of crying in bed and eating ice cream, I decided it was time to date–and I had eyes only for older men. For two years, I dated men that were anywhere from five to eighteen (that’s not a typo!) years older than me.
What did I learn? From 18 to 38, men don’t mature all that much. Relationship angst is relationship angst, no matter the age difference. Of course, maturity level of both parties is a huge factor. Without fail, every man I dated in that two-year period would marvel at how mature I was for my age. It’s true–I’m a bit of an old woman trapped in a 20-something’s body. Dating older men worked for me because even though I was still in school, I wasn’t living on campus and was no way involved in the college social scene. And I much preferred being taken out to a nice restaurant and enjoying a glass of (illegal) wine with dinner than doing a keg stand with my significant other.
In your case, six years can be a total non-issue; he’s only a few years out of college and may very well be on the same wavelength as you in terms of relationships and lifestyle. You’re also less likely to run into the Peter Pan complex that was present in many of the older guys I dated, especially the 30-something-musician-still-waiting-for-his-big-break type.
So, taboo? I’d say definitely not. Go for it. It’s a cliche for a reason: you’ll never know unless you try. Despite all of the bad apples I found in those two years, I also found myself a good one: a well-read, smart, interesting 34-year old that I’ve been dating for eight months. You’re both adults, so see what happens and don’t rule out the older men all together if it doesn’t work out; age difference is insignificant compared to maturity, compatibility, similar values, and, most importantly, how happy he makes you. Have fun and let us know how it goes!
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5 Comments
I’m 21 and dating a 32 year old. It works for us, that’s all that matters.
“and, most importantly, how happy he makes you.”
Nobody can *make* you happy. You can enjoy being with them, but you have to make yourself happy. Someone else can’t do it for you.
This along with her assertion that men don’t mature much between 18 and 38 is rather telling. It says that she’s really looking in the wrong places and is trying to convince herself, and others, that her view on things is the “normal” one.
She’s looking for happiness to be provided by someone else, and, apparently, has only had relationships with immature older men from her age/maturity statement.
Trust me, the majority of guys I’ve known mature a lot between those years. Sometimes it’s because of joy, sometimes tragedy, and sometimes it’s both, but it’s been my observation that a lot of men mature a great deal before they hit 40.
As a 20 year old I got into a relationship with a 30 year old, after finding the guys I dated before, up to the age of 25, always seemed to be too immature. Just my luck, after hiding it for 6 months, this guy turned out to be immature, stupid, and just great at hiding it. He acted all lovey dovey all the while cheating with not one, but 4 women (that I know of), mostly exes. Apparently he has a complex that says whenever an ex wants him back he has to dip it in them. Yeah, I don’t give up completely on older men, I just am temporarily giving up on ALL men - and again finding out how great it is to be able to focus all my time and attention on ME!
But none of my friends or family found the age difference odd, though I have always been more mature than most people my age after life making me grow up fast. I am in college now, but by 16 I was out of HS, had my LNA, and had a good paying, full-time job for 2 years before starting back to school.
I’m 19 and dating a 30 year old. We met in a class (he went back to school for a new degree after having worked with one for several years). We were both quiet and kept to ourselves, focusing on the course work and not texting or surfing the internet during lecutre. Eventually we got partnered up for a project and just hit it off.
He’re the part that clicks best for us–we’re both serious in our studies and jobs, but goofy as hell when we’re just hanging out. We just clicked. Our interests and hobbies and tastes in music, art, fashion, movies just work well together.
He may have a lot of experience in a lot of different areas (not just in the sack, ladies!), but his ideas have never caused me to change who I am. I’m learning about who I am, and often times disagree with him on some opionion of something, but we never let that turn into an argument and he’s never angry that I’m not just like him.
I know that my mom was worried that he was going to brainwash me and take over my life and that I was going to drastically change. But none of that really happened. I mean, when we’re hanging out he usually chooses the movie or picks what time to go to bed, but he’s not controlling me. I’m just a naturally laid back, go-with-the-flow person, and he’s a little more assertive. But he’s assertive with restraint. Before choosing whatever he wants to do (be it watch an action movie or go for doggy style), he ALWAYS asks me if it’s okay first.
So, I say that big age differences don’t really matter, as long as the younger person is mature enough to think for themself and the older person is ALSO mature enough to allow the younger person to think for themself. It would have been easy for me to say, quit school when he graduated and move to the big city with him, but I have my own goals and ambitions, and he wants me to have the shot at obtaining them.
We live about 800 miles apart now, but we’re making it work (so far). It’s not as though I worship him, or have my heart set on marrying him. We work well together, and I’d like to just get as much time as possible with him while I’m in this relationship. And we’ll see where it goes from there.
It’s not about age. It’s about maturity, respect, attitudes, outlooks, and passion. If all of those are there, I’d say you’re on your way to establishing a great relationship.
I believe that in most cases, girls dating an older guy are less mature than girls dating guys their own age. My girlfriend (now 19) dated a 27 year old guy when she was 15- she said she thought guys her own age werent mature enough. Even though i like her, i find that she is less mature than most guys her own age. I am currently 21, and the thought of dating a 15 year old girl seems almost pedophilic! Guys find it easy to controll girls who are much younger than them. They make them feel more mature by opening doors to things they wouldnt normally be doing and that makes them feel special. Young mature girls dont date older men. Immature men date immature young girls.
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