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After reading this article in Glamour, the only thing I can think is: Why would any woman ever date a baby daddy? (Conversely, I don’t see why a guy would ever date a baby mama, but for the sake of this article let’s just focus on the baby daddies)
I know what you’re thinking, “What if he’s super cute, funny, smart, has a great job—essentially the picture perfect prince charming, except for the fact he already has a kid?” Alright, so what if he’s Brad Pitt? I still wouldn’t date him. And yes, I wouldn’t date him just because he has kids.
While plenty of my friends wouldn’t turn down Brad Pitt, most of them also wouldn’t turn down a baby daddy. The way they see it, if you really, really like a guy and he really, really likes you, why let the fact that he has a kid come between the two of you? This is true. Very true. But let’s not forget that in most cases, dating a baby daddy means not only dating the baby daddy, but the baby mama as well. So, really, your relationship wouldn’t just be you and your man but you, your man, his kid and his Ex (or whoever happens to be his baby mama).
Essentially, dating a baby daddy is like begging the deities for major DRAMA — not to mention suddenly becoming semi to completely responsible for a child. Who needs all that? Right now, not me. Which is why I’ll be sticking to the super cute, funny and smart guys with great jobs who DON’T have babies. Lucky for me, there are more of those guys to go around.
What about you? Would you consider dating a baby daddy or baby mama?
[photo from www.aromababy.com]
12 Comments
I disagree completely, but maybe that’s because I’m a baby mama.
I think it really depends on the guy when it comes to how much responsibility you’ll have with the child and how much contact you’ll have with the ex.
I know in the situation of me and my ex, I have absolutely NOTHING to do with him and his relationship with his girlfriend, so it’s definitely not like she’s dating both of us and our child. She treats my daughter well, and that’s all I care about, so I stay out of it. I’m sure there many other “baby mama’s” out there like me as well.
As far as responsibility goes, I don’t know anyone who has a child who expects their significant other (unless they’re married) to be COMPLETELY responsible for their baby. I know when it comes to me, I am my daughter’s mother and I don’t expect any guy I date to take complete responsibility for my child, unless he is watching her for me while I’m doing something.. but that’s exactly the same amount of responsibility he’d have if he were watching a niece, nephew, or friend’s kid.. and I’m sure most of us have done that before, even if only for a few minutes.
As for the “drama” factor, it all comes down to a person’s particular situation. You could just as easily date someone who isn’t quite over his ex, or whose ex isn’t quite over him… or they’re still good friends, and you’re still having to deal with that drama. That definitely isn’t exclusive to people who have kids.
Basically what I’m saying is that I think it’s unwise to rule out a potentially great partner just because they have a child. For all you know, that guy and his baby could be the best thing that ever happens to you.
I definitely agree with April. I’m dating a guy that has a kid.
Just because he already has a kid doesn’t mean there’s any drama, I’ve dated guys who brought A LOT more drama into the relationship than my guy ever has.
Also I think having a kid has made him more mature and settled, definitely a nice plus compared to other guys his age.
I never thought I would date a guy that has a kid, and my Mom specifically told me before never to do it; but sometimes you just can’t help who you fall for.
I also am a baby mama and the thing about baby daddys you say that there aren’t many around, well mine never tells anyone about his baby, and so do several of my friend’s kid’s dads. So, maybe there are more than you think. According to him he does not have a kid. I would rather date a guy who has a kid and know that he takes responsibility for his actions that date someone like my kid’s dad who obviously has some more major moral issues than accidentally letting one swim past the goal line.
I dated a baby daddy…the only reason it didn’t work was because he didn’t TELL me he was a baby daddy. As long as people are upfront and honest and make sure everyone knows whats going on its totally cool.
So someone who has a child is basically rendered undateable? If you get divorced after children, or even if you have a child out of wedlock, you deserve to be single for the rest of your life because of the potential drama it might cause for the person you date?
No one’s saying that you have to date someone with children- that’s obviously your prerogative. But there are plenty of men (and women!) out there with children who would make great partners. Who’s to say that baby-mama drama is worse than crazy ex-girlfriend drama, overbearing mother drama, super-controlling boss drama? Almost everyone comes prepackaged with a few issues.
I agree with April and Sam. I’m dating a baby daddy right now, almost 2 years. He tries to alleviate drama in our relationship more than I do. I’ve dated some drama kings. He’s in college yet, and does his best to make sure he can see his daughter, 2, as much as he can.
He looks to me for interesting babysitting tips sometimes, but other than that he has never tried to thrown me into chaos that I couldn’t handle.
His ex and him don’t see eye-to-eye sometimes, and in the beginning I felt like I was dating her too for a little.
I think it depends on your coping skills with the information. I was wary because even as a babysitter, you never know how a child will take to you sometimes. But if you really do care for each other, it’ll work out, and the two “worlds” can collide smoothly with some elbow grease. The only thing his daughter is crazy about is if he’s hugging me because she’s used to him alone, and not me all the time. We believe it’ll work out though, everything takes time.
I think it does come down to the person you are as well as the person you’re dating. However as for one without kids, I believe that dating someone that does will take away from experiences that a couple could very well encounter together. For example going through parenthood should be shared in as many cases as possible and I feel like it takes away from the person in the relationship who hasn’t experienced such issues, problems, joys, and fun.
Yeah, I dated a guy that turned out to be a baby-daddy. Total relationship killer. If he would have been up-front with me when we started going out, that would have been different. But I found out he just ditched this girl and kid and she’s taking him to court… it just made me wonder if all the love and protection he promised me would disappear if we ever had some kind of scare or accident… I don’t think I could date another baby-daddy.
The worst, soul-crushing relationship I ever had was with a baby daddy. I don’t think I can do that ever again…
I’m late, but I need a little advice. I’m seeing a guy who has a baby, and I really like him, and I’ve always told myslef that I wouldnt get involved with someone who has a baby mama, but now of course that has changed.
The only thing I fear is him still having feelings for his baby mama, and them ever getting back togehter. They have been together on and off for years, but now he says there’s no chance of them getting back together because they don’t see eye to eye and just flat out dont get alone. She was recently in a wreck, and now he let her borrow his car so that she could get around. I waited to see if he was going to tell me, but I end up asking in which he told me the truth about the situation. He’s always there for his son which I think shows that he is a very mature man…always take care of his business, and I find that very attractive about him. He is a good man as well, but we we’re still getting to know each other.
So what should I do? Or is there nothing to do? A little advice here!!
Gabrielle, I wouldn’t worry about your man and his ex getting back together. I’m sure he will always have a connection with her because they have a child, but that definitely doesn’t mean they have a romantic connection.
As for him letting her borrow his car, that’s only something you should worry about if they DIDN’T have a child together. Think about it like this… most of what he does for her is most likely for the benefit of his child. The mother probably really needs to have a way to get around so that she’s able to take the child places or get to work so that she can keep a roof over the child’s head and food on the table, and I’m sure your ex understands that.
Also, the way he’s treating her.. even though they broke up and don’t really get along well anymore.. shows you how great of a guy he is. If he treats her like this, think of how great he would treat you in the long run. I definitely think you should give him a chance.
IM DATING A DUDE 2 WITH A KID BUT MY ONLY PROBLEM IS THEY ARE ALL ON MYSPACE WIT PICS AND STUFF HE B TELLIN HER HE LOVE HER AND SHE B LEAVIN COMMENTS THAT I LOVE YOU AND STUFF. BUT HE DIDNT KNO DAT SHE WAS PREGENT WE BOTH FIND OUT DAT SHE WAS PREGENT WEN WE WAS 2GATHER 4 BOUT 3 MONTHS AND WE BEEN HAVIN PROBLEMS ABOUT HER THEN SHE LYKE WOW IM PREGENT SO U KNO NIGGAS LOL HE DID THE RESPONSIBLE THANG AND SAID DAT WAS HIS BABY. NOW EVERYBODY KNO DAT WE GO 2GATHER AND THEY HAVE A BABY 2GATHER AND HE TOLD ME THAT SHE TRIED 2 FREAK HIM. I WANTED 2 BEAT THE HELL OUT OF HER. BUT THE ONLY THANG DAT STOPED ME WAS HIM AND MY FRIEND Y YA FEEL ME. ALL I WANNA IZ WHY IN THE HELL THEY GOTTA ACT LYKE THEY 2GATHER. I DONT LYKE HER 2 SAVE MY LIFE I LOVE HIM AND SO MUCH IN LOVE WIT HIM AND HE FEEL THE SAME WHY ALL I WANAN IZ WAT SHOULD I DO WE HAVE BEEN 2GATHER 4 8 MONTHS
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