While enrolled in college one has to adapt to many changes in environment, surroundings, and vernacular. We all went through that fateful day when Mom and Dad dropped us off and we were suddenly thrust into a world of roommates, a brand new campus, and slang completely unique to the college atmosphere.

Call my (then) 18-year old self a prude, but if there’s one piece of advice I wish I had back when I started school it would be knowledge of the best (and worst) pickup line ever created:

“Hey, you wanna go watch a movie?”

As a naive freshman you may think to yourself, “Of course! Wow, college guys sure are nice,” but truth be told, “watching a movie” is probably going to involve a surprising amount of time in a bed. It’s truly the best cop-out come-on any adolescent guy can imagine. “Wanna go watch a movie?” has it all. Who doesn’t want to watch a movie? It’s benign enough to sound like a nice guy who’s just down to hang after a particularly awesome night of partying, but has enough sexual undertone to keep guys from feeling completely guilty when some poor girl starts to freak-out mid makeout. If he actually gets you through the front door? The hard work is done.

But, wait! There’s a catch! (You knew it was coming, guys.) What about the movie selection? If it’s too girly the guy comes off looking, well, girly. Too macho? He’s not sensitive enough. This is why, after looking at my guy friend’s expansive DVD collections, I’ve noticed a pattern and feel the need to share my knowledge with the world. Write this down:

If it stars Will Ferrell it’s probably a “wanna watch a movie?” movie. If it’s by Pixar? “Wanna watch a movie?” movie. Hell, any comedy is a “wanna watch a movie” movie. And beware of any dark indie drama you may not have seen but have heard about (do you know how may guys got laid when Eternal Sunshine came out on DVD?)

Once the movie’s picked out all he has left to do is make sure his roommates are out of sight and his apartment isn’t a biohazard. Is it the most gentlmenly way a guy can get to you? No, probably not. But they try.

Besides, who has 10 bucks to spend on the movies anymore?