A friend of mine began dating a girl. And by “began” I mean, slept with her the day they met.

Since then, he has been seeing this girl on a daily basis. He likes hanging out with her and he loves the sex. He insists that she is not his girlfriend, yet the amount of time they spend together tells a different story. A story that:

1) I am sure his lady friend is reading

2) makes it seem like this little relationship is turning into something more serious.

Yet, as he tells me, he doesn’t want a girlfriend. And “it is too early to have the relationship conversation, anyway. We are just having fun.”

I started thinking about his situation – how I would feel if I were him, if I were her, and just about the whole dating thing in general.

Dating for our generation is clearly a lot different than when our parents did it. Way back when, in the days when they were young, dating was a fairly structured process: boy eyed girl, boy asked girl on date, boy met parents, boy and girl went on a few more dates, boy formally asked girl to be his girlfriend, boy gave girl pin/sweater, boy and girl were officially a couple and held hands (and sometimes necked).

Now, things look a little different: boy eyes girl at party, boy walks up behind girl and starts “dancing” with (rubbing himself against) her, boy and girl go back to someone’s dorm room and hookup, boy and girl send each other late night text messages, boy and girl hookup and hang out on a consistent basis.

And neither party brings up the relationship topic.

While the dating culture of our parents’ days seems too formal so old-fashioned, there is something to be said about the formalities it was built on. The structured approach to courtship created open lines of communication so both parties involved knew exactly where they stood.

No wondering if he was going to call.
No internal debate over whether he liked you or was simply drunk and horny.
No going crazy wondering if he feels the same way about you as you do about him.

The modern day approach to dating – hooking up now, asking questions never – is a recipe for disaster. We walk into these situations completely blind just asking to be hurt. We pretend it is all casual - because we would be crazy if we had the “couple talk” so soon! - yet we get sucked further and further in without knowing what the other person is thinking or how things are going to turn out.

And usually – for one person involved – they don’t turn out well.

I watch my friend and I understand where he is coming from, yet I can’t help but feel bad for this girl. But is there a way to fix it, or are we all simply prone to the inevitable confusion and pain that comes from our current dating culture?