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So the last time I defined a relationship, it went like this:
Me and my ex lying in bed discussing spring break.
He said, “So I’d be ok with not hooking up with anyone while I’m in the Bahamas. Would you hook up with anyone in South Carolina?”
I said, “Is that your way of asking me if we’re exclusive?”
He said, “Maybe.”
I said, “Ok then, we’re exclusive.”
And from then on, we were boyfriend/girlfriend.
Ok, so that was college — where your friends play just as vital a role in setting the status of your coupledom as you and your significant other do with their mocking “Oh you guys are totally a couple” or “where’s your boyyyyfriend” comments at which point you take a cue from them and give each other the appropriate title.
But in the real world, it seems this whole defining thing is much harder to do.
I’ve been dating this guy for over a month. We’ve hung out almost every Saturday night, talk a few nights a week, hook up sober and not only did he make us dinner reservations for V-Day without any discussion of it beforehand, but he had a dozen roses delivered to my apartment. (I know, so cute!)
If all of these things don’t signal he’s into me and considers us exclusive, then I don’t know what does.
However, I’m a girl, hence I don’t really like this gray area. I have this urge to establish that we’re a couple. And since I don’t want to seem too aggressive or pushy, I haven’t brought it up. But I can’t help but wonder and ask every one of my friends, when is the right time to have that conversation?
Should I wait another month? Should I wait for him to say something? Should wait til I’m nice and liquored up and blurt it out?
What’s your advice??
8 Comments
I had to do the same thing about a month ago. I went on 3 dates with this guy and we hit it off really well. 3rd date he asked me if I was his girlfriend, and I thought that might be too soon, so I said we’d see how it went (SO surprised to hear that come out of my mouth). Well 2 weeks later he’s going to Vegas with his friends…and I want to know if we’re exclusive..so the whole time he was at my house I thought of a way to ask him what we were…finally just sucked it up (right before he was leaving, ha) and asked him what we were doing. He said exclusive…so that’s what we’ve been doing…or what I’ve been doing at least. So good luck, he sounds like a keeper. By the way, I didn’t get flowers on Valentines Day (and we were already “exclusive” at this point) so that’s definitely a good sign!
I had this same problem last month too. We hung out regularly, hooked up (sober and not) nearly daily, said cutsie stuff to each other like “I can’t believe how much I already like you”, “you have the most amazing smile”, “I love being with you”, “You’re my favorite person because you make me happier then anyone else in the world”, Yeah we sickened our friends. But neither of us wanted to ruin a good thing by trying to define it so we just didn’t bring it up. Then one night he said “Ok so here’s the deal. I really really like you, and I don’t want anyone else to have you, soooo do you want to go exclusive?” And we’ve had a flawless month so far. But if he says something like, “So what are we, like, fuck buddies?” he doesn’t want to hear “umm, i guess so.” just a heads up. wish someone had told me that. (or maybe i’m just not good with hints) But is someone had than he and I would have been dating long before we started.
Well, I don’t know about you but waiting another month would irritate me. I mean, everyday (or everytime we are together) I’d be wondering if we’re excusive and that’s just ridiculous. Second, with most guys at least, if you wait for him to bring it up it most likely will never come up. And asking something important “liquored up” isn’t the brightest idea… Even though you were prolly kidding on that point. But yea, I would just ask. It’s simple and direct. I mean, if he’s doing all these things for you on v-day and everything else I think it’s a pretty valid question. I hate the grey area too. I’m extremely left brained so I like things to be a “yes or no” type of thing, not a “umm… Kind of…” or “it’s complicated” type of thing. Just ask him. And since you’re worried about being too pushy and what not I’d suggest asking when you guys are just chillaxin’ nothing big er special er anything like that.
Anyways this is getting pretty long so I’m gonna stop…
Take care and good luck with everything
I’ve been dealing with this problem for almost 5 months now and trust me it is NOT fun. We started out as really good friends (relating to this article… we met in the Bahamas and live in South Carolina) and it just kind of progressed from there. We never outright admit to dating but we are always together: strangers think we are an item, we go out to eat and he pays, sleep in the same bed, love some drunken PDA and have even met each other’s parents but its still unclear what our relationship status is. I just kept telling myself he will bring it up eventually. I think at this point it is too late to have the “exclusive” chat with him so I most definitely would not wait for him to bring it up… trust me, boys don’t really have to balls to bring it up themselves.
I have done this, so uncomfortable! You don’t want to seem pushy or psycho.
I maybe you could say, “so, did you get any flowers for any other girls for V-day?” (In a teasing way, of course) and go from there. He seems like a sweetheart, so it will likey be just fine
Demand a label. If he is sticking around he obviously likes you and is probably too much of a wimp to make the formal transition. I am having the same problem with my “boyfriend” at the moment. We agreed that we are a couple and he calls me his “girlfriend,” but we still act like we are just dating. I am waiting for him to call me back so I can demand an answer :)If he says we are, I will relax; if he dances around it further, ciao.
WEll i need some advice!Ive been seeing this guy like 7 weeks now! At first we were like Fuckbuddies!But then we started hanging out alot!And he bought me something for valentines day,well i was at his house tho that day! Then after couple days i wrote him a message if we were dating or FWB and he said he didnt want anything serious right now, so just friends!So i started hanging out with him more!And since 3 or 4 weeks I basically live with him now somehow!im always here, sleep in the same bed, cook him dinner!Well i talked to this other guy yesterday wanted to me him! then My FWB the guy i somehow live with was mad, i asked him what his problem was! Then after an hour being mad at me, he said if i wanted to fuck somebody else then i have to go home! He wants to be exclusive fuckbuddies! Does that mean he wants to date?or only that i dont fuck with anyone else?
Please help me, i really liek this guy!
Trish
everytime u have sex with 1 girl they like no if u there boyfriend y they no can jus have fun an no strings
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