Some girls lose their virginities to their first loves: some taller, older, handsome man (er, boy) who says I love you and kisses her neck and asks, “Baby, does this hurt?”

Other girls get drunk in basements off Jack Daniels when they’re 14, take off their shirts and find themselves straddling some younger boy on a bed in the corner of some dirty room, only to discover they are being watched by several on-lookers when they receive a swift slap on the ass.

…Or something to that effect.

Perhaps my first sexual experience has tainted my view of sexuality. I mean, how could it not? I guess some girls really do get the whole rose-petals-on-the-bed thing, but not every girl, and I’m here to tell the story of the ones who don’t.

As I’ve gotten older, I have started to respect my body a lot more than I did when I was younger. I think that the younger you are when you start having sex – the crazier, sluttier and down right dirtier things you do. If you start having sex later, you actually understand it – and your body’s responses to it – and everything makes a lot more sense.

In high school, sex was sex. I did it to say that I did, not because I particularly enjoyed it or even wanted it. This never really got me anywhere, except stuck in the sheets with senior boys who only wanted me naked, and didn’t really give a sh*t about anything that came out of my somewhat bitchy, bratty 16-year-old mouth.

Now, however, my views have slightly changed. My basic ideas about sex are as follows:

1. Monogamy is not natural. And kinda boring. I was in a relationship for 5 years, so I know how it is to be with only one person. It was amazing to be with someone I loved, but my thoughts (and his, I’m sure) about having sex with other people didn’t magically disappear when we were together. Of course, I was able to suppress my urges to ravage everyone from my math teacher to his best friend, but it didn’t make me want it from those guys any less. I think it’s human nature to desire more than one “mate”, if we’re getting scientific here. If monogamy is not your thing, then it’s not. You just have to find someone who makes you kinda forget those other people exist (love will do that to ya).

2. You love who you love. Male or female. Let’s just say that I think it’s perfectly normal to be attracted to members of the same sex. I don’t think that sexuality is as easy as “straight” or “gay”. I think that you can fall in love with – and be sexually attracted to – pretty much anyone. Love is such a subjective thing and I feel that it’s different for everybody. It can’t be defined by which body part someone hides in their panties and/or boxer briefs.

3. Love and sex can co-exist, but they don’t have to. A girl I really don’t like once said, “I’d rather have good sex than good love at this point in my life.” As much as I dislike her, this was the only semi-intelligent thing I ever heard her say. I understand that completely – sometimes, sex is what you want. Sometimes, love is what you want. Sometimes – if you’re lucky – you get them both. But most of the time, you’re lacking in one area or the other and left to use your Rabbit while you stay at home on cold, lonely Friday nights.

And sometimes you’re on the opposite end of the spectrum – lying next to a boy you love who just can’t seem to please you the way your Rabbit can. Such is life. So if what you want and need right now is sex, I don’t think you should be made ashamed to go after it. And if you’re feelin’ a relationship or don’t want to hook up with randoms? Then you shouldn’t feel ashamed to be “that girl”, either. My ex-boyfriend probably had a large influence on my thinking this way – as he thinks it’s completely okay to engage in sexual acts with multiple partners without feeling a damn thing for any of them – but what can I say? He kinda makes sense.

4. There will probably always be a double standard. I would love to deem myself a feminist, but then I’d feel like a horrible one for saying this: I just don’t think the double standard about sexuality will ever go away. Unless the stereotypes about women go away – like that they’re supposed to be beautiful, innocent, sexy and virginal all at the same time – I don’t think that the idea that men having lots of random sex = awesome and girls having lots of sex = slutty, will ever truly go away. I’ve even called girls “sluts” for doing stuff like participating in obscene public displays of affection in corners at parties and/or sleeping with a guy they just met. I guess that I do think that girls can control their urges and that guys should be the only ones out gallivanting – at least when it comes to girls other than myself, of course. And that’s probably how every other girl thinks, too.

5. Our culture is so over-sexed that it has kinda lost its meaning. I think that once upon a time, I would have never written a story like this. I wouldn’t have been able to. Sex was taboo – it was hush-hush and it was definitely not something you would discuss openly in a public forum like this. Although I think it’s interesting and exciting – it also goes to show that our society doesn’t place as much value on sex (or anything related to relationships, love, hell…even marriage!), or take it as seriously as in the past. I would love to say that I think one day chivalry and the whole “courting process” will come back – but I can’t promise that.

So basically, after re-reading this, I guess I’m a little conflicted about sex in this day and age, which I’m sure many of you are, too. We’re living in a time where sex is on the fore-front and it seems that everybody is having it and having it often – and then talking about it (or releasing videos of it!). Sex is natural: it’s beautiful and confusing and full of complication.

So, as much as I’d die for some kind of (what did I call it?) oh yeah…rose-petals-on-the-bed sorta thing, I’m not going to count on it. At least not for awhile (you know, until the guys around me are more worried about their stock portfolios than their stock of pornography, but such is life).

I’m sure there a lot of people out there who will disagree (perhaps strongly) with everything I wrote.

But this is me. And this is life.