Comments on: The New Sexual Stigma: Remaining A Virgin In College

By: Rose

Rose — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:11:13 +0000

haha thanks for this post! i was wondering if ANYONE who blogged on here was a virgin! and woooo here you are. I feel the exact same way as you, in that i just haven’t found someone who is worthy of my virginity! thank you thank you thank you for this post again my fellow V card holder!

By: cali

cali — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 00:12:25 +0000

FINALLY! Someone to relate to! I get the SAME EXACT REACTIONS! Hahaha plus do you always “win” at ten fingers? I hate playing that game cause I always end up with 8 fingers while everyone is already out.

Anyway it’s all true. I’m sure there are others like us out there so yea don’t think just cause we haven’t had sex means we are about to jump the next guy we see or that we feel uncomfortable talking about it. We are obviously very strong and confident women to have held out till now.

By: M.L.

M.L. — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 02:33:46 +0000

Amen to that! I’m a virgin in University and let me tell you, apparently we are strange just because we haven’t screwed several drunk intellectuals. I’m not a virgin for religious reasons, I’m not conservative, I’ve had been drunk encounters that have been pretty hot and heavy BUT I still maintain my virginity.
It’s not that I see having sex as a big deal, I just feel that its something that I need to do when I’m ready, with the right person. I appreaciate that my friends have sex and enjoy themselves but I don’t appreciate being made to feel “bad” about not sleeping around.

By: tasha

tasha — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 02:38:37 +0000

i hate it when people just pity someone because they’re a virgin. when it comes time to have the “talk” with my kids i dont want to tell them that i lost it after a drunken night with some guy that i had met only an hour before. im not waiting on marriage either, just a guy that is not such a jerk about the whole thing.

By: dora

dora — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 20:53:31 +0000

I totally agree.
I’m a 20 year old virgin too..
and everyone’s all surprised whenever I tell them that. It’s so ridiculous that everyone expects nobody to be a virgin once we’re in college.

I love to party and go get drunk…
but I don’t want to be one of those girls that loses it to some ugly guy one drunken night.

Besides…
we’re definitely cooler than some nonvirgins out there anyway.

By: Britt

Britt — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 21:02:07 +0000

Wow, I was beginning to think I was alone! To be honest, virginity isn’t all that important to me, but I still remain a virgin, and I don’t plan on losing it to some guy I met that night.

By: maedchen

maedchen — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 23:27:58 +0000

i’m a college student and virgin as well. for now, i’m not having sex because i don’t need to. my sex life at the moment is more than satisfying so i don’t feel the need to go all the way with anyone. anyway, i don’t have the time or money right now for birth control pills and frequent checkups with a gyno, and i wouldn’t feel safe having sex without either of those.

By: Liz

Liz — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:46:23 +0000

Finally!!! I was beginning to think i was the only one! Same here, no religious reasons, just haven’t found the right person. I still go out and have fun though, there’s more to life than just hooking up with random drunk guys whise names you dont remember every weekend, you know…

By: Liz

Liz — Sun, 30 Mar 2008 00:46:48 +0000

*whose names…

By: jen

jen — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 04:31:28 +0000

thank you SO much for posting this! i feel the exact same way. i’m not holding out for marriage or anything, just for the right guy to come along. we’re not prudes, wierdly religious, cant get any or anything like so many people interpret us to be. i love to party and have had more of my share of hot (frequently drunken) encounters. i just want my first time to be with someone i love. i dont think that is such a huge problem!! we should be respected!
love to my fellow virgins!!!

By: Abby

Abby — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 20:02:53 +0000

I totally agree with everyone! I am also a virgin by choice, and get the same reaction from several people. I am waiting to have sex until I get married for religious reasons, but that doesn’t stop me from having fun! People seem to think that because you’re a virgin you have NO experience with the opposite sex (or same, whichever floats your boat). Glad to know there are others in the same situation! I also love to party and have had spicy encounters, but none have gone far (though I’m still drunk, I don’t loose my morals, contratry to what some may say). You’d be surprised by how blunt some people can be - i actually had a “friend” from high school say to me, “so abby, you still a virgin?” like she was checking up to make sure i’d cashed in my V-card. Ridiculous! This is a personal choice, and I know that because I’m waiting, it will be even more special.

Power to the virgins!

By: Ellie

Ellie — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 03:57:52 +0000

This is a truly amazing post. Out of my female friends at college, I’m the only virgin (though a couple of my guy friends still have their v-cards) and I hate when people assume things just because of my virginity. The worst is definitely that one more experienced friend who feels the need to tell you that “your first time won’t be like a movie, it will be awkward…”. No need to sound like my mom haha. And I definitely agree with most of you above, being drunk doesn’t just make my morals jump out the window, leaving me to jump into bed with the first random person who asks.

By: Mary

Mary — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 16:55:25 +0000

Numbers 4&6 should be in bold type…in my experience they are the ones that people are least likely to believe for whatever reason.

By: Che Mikoyan

Che Mikoyan — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 19:31:57 +0000

Jess:
Your column coincided with a recent article in the New York Times about a club at Harvard college that promotes virginity. Reading that article, I was overcome with sadness for the members of that club.

As with the participants in that club, I hear you denying this disposition has anything to do with your religious upbringing. Perhaps. But I gotta tell you–as someone who’s been married for several years–the idea of a young person squandering the opportunity to explore their sexuality before making a permanent commitment to monogamy is, well, sad. Its like saying I’m not going to try any food until I find the right dish. You can’t. The “right dish” is almost certainly a chimera, but even if it isn’t, how the hell are you supposed to find it without gaining a personal knowledge of your own tastes? Do you think you don’t have them? Do you think you know them already? Please.

Monogamy may or may not be natural, sustainable, or sane, but celibacy followed by monogomy is pointless to the point of heartbreak.

Save yourself Jess and explore partners. Because once you’re married, you are (more or less) stuck. Certainly, you will never have a better opportunity for the self-discovery that youth offers.

By: herpesfinder.com

herpesfinder.com — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 08:46:32 +0000

it’s a hard thing! it’s reported by a STD dating site STDromance.com that 1 in 4 teen girls have an STD!

By: Carly - Grinnell

Carly - Grinnell — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 01:33:29 +0000

Uh, Che, your comment is just about the most offensive thing I’ve ever read on the site. What kind of authority do you have to tell Jess that her choice is wrong? It’s her CHOICE (and mine too, by the way, and I’m quite a bit older than she is), and it’s incredibly insulting to claim that someone’s choice in such a personal matter is wrong.

Some people have enough respect for sex not to compare it to a Big Mac.

BTW, I’m sure your spouse would love to hear that you consider yourself “stuck.”

By: Erin

Erin — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 06:36:00 +0000

Two words: Amen, sister!

By: Ashleigh-Anne

Ashleigh-Anne — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 15:19:40 +0000

wow, i feel the same way. i was actually talking to my friend about this last night and she was saying she would prefer she was virgin and that i should be proud i am one. being in university, it seems like thats the only thing to do, to get drunk and have sex, but i honestly just want to lose it to someone who loves me and not at a ridiculous dorm room on a night of drunkeness and wake up alone the next morning. so yeah i agree with everything you wrote thanks!

By: M.B.S

M.B.S — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 07:44:41 +0000

I agree with you, girls,do not loose your virginity except to your husband because if you loose them with anyone he will finish and never come to you again. Best regards

By: kevin

kevin — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 00:46:53 +0000

I personally think you are very hotttttt. And in all honesty, if the situation arose for sex and you were the person that I would be in the bed with, it would be like going to heaven, but there is nothing wrong with being a virgin and I totslly respect you for that.

By: Justine

Justine — Wed, 16 Apr 2008 03:49:55 +0000

I hear you! I’m at SU now, and I feel the same way:) Good to hear I’m not the only one! It’s SO not a religion thing, more so that I can’t find a guy who’s worth all the emotional drama that comes with.

But good to hear it! Love your blog:)

By: Kenny

Kenny — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 04:32:42 +0000

Well, I most say that thats exactly some of the things that I go through everyday at school, or just throughout everyday life. I’m 20 years old, smart have plenty of friends, but I’m a man instead of a woman that is a virgin, I’ve had plenty of opportunities to have sex with girls and just like you I felt why should I give something so precious up to someone that I feel did not deserve this from me.I mean I can’t seem to find one single woman that is a virgin anywhere and how do you ask someone something like that and expect them to tell you the truth.
Sorry, about that I’m getting off the subject well, I hope that you can keep it up and find you a good man.

By: BubblyDub

BubblyDub — Thu, 01 May 2008 01:10:31 +0000

Hi Gr8 page I would just like to say that I am a 26 year old virgin and I’m finding it increasing more difficult to remain. Most of my friends have lost their virginity and they dont seem to understand why I choose to wait. Most guys I enter into relationships with have previously slept with their partners and most cant understand my reasons why. I guess my main reason is moral and I am a spiritual person who is a christian and believes in god, and also it is very worrying and difficult for women ensuring they are adequately protected against pregnancy -(one friend, a girl I used work with, became pregnant from a random stranger she met at a party from a one night stand, sad but true) It certainly makes you think anyway I hope to remain like this until I do marry.But I am looking for advice from both a male and female about how I can justify my reasons to my boyfriend / future partners as they never seem to understand my reasons, it seems impossible to find a man who does. (F-Dublin/Ireland)

By: Jaime

Jaime — Sat, 03 May 2008 18:32:17 +0000

Some peoples’ comments on this article are actually offensive in my opinion. I think it’s rude to assume that every girl who has lost her virginity did it with someone who she met at some party while she was drunk out of her mind and within an hour was jumping his bone. I personally have been in a relationship for 2 and a half years, and i am not married, but needless to say we are having sex. What i am getting out of this article is that you put men off by acting like you are way too good to have sex with them. Maybe that’s why you can’t find the right man to lose it to.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Tue, 20 May 2008 04:55:10 +0000

What a hideous comment to make, Jaime. I don’t think that people assume that everyone loses their virginity casually. And maybe it’s good if virginity makes someone seem “too good to have sex.” Putting that barrier there means that a person will not only have higher standards, but that potential mates have to get to know you first.

By: Sara

Sara — Tue, 03 Jun 2008 19:37:47 +0000

Look both sides to this are ignoring the real issue. Some women who consider themselves virgins are not. If you engage in any activity where breasts, vaginas, penis, buttocks are touched, massaged, what have you, then you are still engaging in a sexual activity. Girls that only engage in oral are still engaging in sex. Let’s not make naïve statements and take ignorant positions. At my university my best friend was a devout Christian who would only have anal sex since it wasn’t forbidden in the bible. The real issue is about SEX. There’s no talk about having a good sexual life. As mature adults we must engage in safe and experimental sex so we can learn our likes and dislikes. What if you wait to marry and then once married two years find out that your husband is into something kinky you don’t like or the other way around. Nobody’s fault - the two of you never discussed it because it wasn’t an issue and some people find out they like things by accident during a sexual encounter. My husband was a virgin when we were married and I liked my hair pulled and getting spanked both very normal things. He couldn’t bring himself to do it and so we ended up seeing a therapist. Four months later and a lot of awkward situations we’re as happy as we can be. He admits that if he had just opened his mind and heart when he was younger and experimented it wouldn’t have been a strain. There’s nothing wrong with sex as long as it’s safe and consensual. By the way - even dry humping to him was forbidden cause it’s technically mutual masturbation.

By: Jill

Jill — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 16:00:38 +0000

Oh thank God I’m not alone.
Great post. I feel SO much better.

By: Chante

Chante — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 07:38:56 +0000

It’s amazing how this world is so loving to every other lifestyle, but as soon as you’re different (in a typically Christian connotation) all the sudden something is wrong with you.

And that’s when irony just isn’t funny. :/