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I used to have physical standards for guys. I really did. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I had a “type”. Every time a skinny, tattooed, gorgeous guy with dark hair came into a room…my friends knew to not even bother asking me what I was doing afterward. They already knew that the answer would be…well…HIM. I liked the fact that I could seemingly always get the gorgeous guy…or at least gorgeous to my own tastes.
But after three years of f*&king around with my own personal runway of boys that couldn’t offer me much more than unreliability; I started to get bored.
And since that time, I have legitimately at least SORT OF fallen for FOUR guys who I would have called ugly pre-boredom days. And while I won’t run off with the idea necessarily that they too were all unreliable assholes (even though they pretty much WERE), I will say that I was wrong.
I was wrong to justify my attractions to not-so-hot boys with my certainty that they redeemed themselves in other ways. Maybe Luke WAS brilliant. He could spell EVERYTHING right and his talent was jaw dropping. But that didn’t make him any more emotionally available to me. That didn’t make him NOT ignore me when we were out in public. And it certainly didn’t make him any more attractive during the mornings after.
Eric definitely wasn’t a looker, either. So I convinced myself that it was all FINE because he was charming and told me I was beautiful every day. However, in retrospect, he was still far below sub-par intelligence wise and a total instigator if I’ve ever met one.
Ryan was that guy my friends referred to as a “caveman” because he had such a huge forehead… accompanied by some other very mediocre features. He was smart and his personality attracted me to him…but does that change the fact that he was in a long term relationship all while doing much more than flirting with me? Of course it doesn’t. And Clay was probably the furthest from gorgeous guy I have ever dated. A hairy back simply isn’t on my list of “what I want in a man”. Yet, I told myself that his body didn’t matter..that it was his SOUL I liked. (Gag me; I’m retarded). Turns out his soul was pretty screwed up. And his time was non existent. And his priorities were whacked.
What I’m saying, girls, is this: Falling for that guy who you’re not THAT attracted to happens and I think it’s okay. However, don’t make the same mistake that I have made over and over again and justify your attraction with other qualities you THINK the guy has. Because believe me, if you’re meeting guys like I have met, they will let you down, regardless.
You have to be hanging with a dude because it works. Not because you expect something and certainly not because you’re expecting something because of something else he is lacking. With that said, if you’re trying to stick with an “ugly” guy cause you’re hoping he’ll be “nice enough” to make it worth it–give up and get back out to the field.
Most of ‘em can be assholes, so might as well be sleeping with a hot one.
10 Comments
you’re basically just saying that you dated guys simply because they showed an interest in you, not necessarily the other way around. that’s how I used to date, in high school and a little bit in college. I’d let myself be pursued and I would date guys I didn’t even like because I thought I liked them since THEY liked ME. My feelings didn’t matter. I eventually realized that relationships like that can never work out.
Wait, I’m confused. Are you saying don’t date ugly guys because they’ll turn out to be SOBs? Or just that you gave a bunch of not-so-attractive guys a chance, and it turned out bad?
I mean it, really, I’m confused.
I’ve never had the expectation that ‘this guy’s not so good looking, but he might have other redeeming qualities.’ I like to know a little more about the guy before I date him.
And in that, I’ve never dated a guy I wasn’t also physically attracted to. Even if he’s not a looker, me liking his personality makes him physically attractive to me too, in time at least.
it’s cool to see this from a woman’s perspective. i also think this is a behavior most women think they possess in theory but not in reality. guys are just as guilty of this, folks… hear me out: of course nobody wants to be sleeping with the town slut or one eyed joe, but a person’s standards are malleable and go up and down regardless of what we consciously wish to believe. after a long dry spell, most people i know will sleep with an easy lay, even if that person is below their normal standards.
that being said, if you’re going sleep with someone you’re not interested in past what’s between their pants, let it be known so feelings don’t get hurt (guys AND girls). there’s nothing wrong with hook-ups, as long as that’s all that’s expected from both people.
- t
What a colossal piece of shit article. This website is nothing but mindless drivel for idiotic college chicks who have no interest in learning anything or being a productive citizen whatsoever. Girls who read this website are just waiting for a man to come along, pay off their student loan and buy them a ring so they can sit at home, gain 80 pounds and read US weekly. This website is a prime example of why the womens movement failed. I hope you all get herpes and your cats die.
Wow. You’ve completely broken into our psyches and figured us all out.
How do you live with the total genius you are??
Very well. Thanks for your concern.
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I’m curious-WHAT about this article lead you, “Men, Everywhere”, to believe that my stance on dating ugly guys has ANYthing to do with a college loan payment or ring from a man? My article was ONLY about the fact that I’ve learned to overcome my problem with justifying myself for dating people I’m not attracted to. Please do go ahead and include yourself on that list.
Fuck all of you.
Have a nice day!
The problem is that it’s too hard to become friends first. When I meet a girl, the first thing she probably thinks is: Is this guy trying to hit on me? Truth is, I’m probably considering it, but I’m not like every other idiot. I’d want to see if we get along, if we can actually hang out and have a good time without trying to hook up. Once that’s possible then maybe we could both consider actually dating, otherwise just being friends is straight.
I had so many girls as friends back in grade school, that’s when it was easy, it wasn’t always about dating, it was about playing outside, working on projects together, talking about stupid things, enjoying each others company, getting to know each other. There’s really nothing that men and women can do these days that can start those kinds of friendships between strangers.
After a few tries to become friends with girls and trying to actually hangout, they always thought it was about me trying to get in their pants and I was playing some “lets be friends” game to keep hitting on them. Sorry ladies.. not today.
Since those experiences, I don’t give most girls the time of day who act like that, I mean if I try to be friends and you shut me down b/c you think I’m being some creep who wants to hit on you. Your not worth it.
My advice to girls. Try not to always want the approval of the so called “gorgeous” guys. Basically.. the girl who doesn’t know or doesn’t care that she’s good looking, is the hottest one in my eyes. That’s the first check box on my list titled “Marriage Material”, it also happens to be the first check box on my list titled “Awesome friend”.
** Keep in mind, when I refer to a girl as good looking, this means any girl, whether she’s considered good looking by popular opinion or not.
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