Long relationships. While wonderful, they can often fall into habitual, routine types of lifestyles that – while comforting – can be dull and lackluster of any excitement or romance. Having been in long relationships myself, topping out at four years as my longest, I have a few suggestions (from my own personal experiences and the experiences of others) on how to keep that flame burning bright even in oldest, most exhausted – but still loving – relationship.

Set aside one day or evening for a special date night, just the two of you. With the hustle and bustle of work, school, friends, going out, parties and the rest of what life entails, it is easy to get swept up with all your other life obligations that cause you to forget that you need to spend quality time together. A movie, a nice dinner, a good conversation, a playful bedtime activity – just something that reconnects the two of you privately.

Put yourself before him. In an article I read in Women’s Day, it was suggested (and I can second that, as most of you can, I’m sure) that women tend to place other people before them. Dr. Fulbright says, “the more a woman looks after her health and welfare, the better she will feel and the more she’ll be in the mood for sex.” Who knew that caring for you more, and him less, would create a stronger sexual bond behind closed doors? Knowing that, I’m sure he wouldn’t mind you taking a little “me” time.

Be spontaneous. Dr. Kerner - in that same article - says that “long-term relationships are based on trust, dependability and predictability,” and, while that is the cement that holds you two together, it’s okay to step out of the box and try on a new pair of relationship shoes. Do something for your loved one that is out of the ordinary; be it wearing nothing but high heels when he comes over for dinner, writing him a cute love note and throwing it in a text book, or planning a weekend getaway to his favorite casino. Something unexpected will bring a newfound enthusiasm to your relationship; something you may not have had since the first few dates you went on with the boy.

Try out something new in bed. A sexual connection can fade over long periods of time or, at best, sex can become quick, routine and predictable. Yes, you both may be busy and only have 15 minutes allotted everyday for a romp fest, but that doesn’t mean those 15 minutes have to be as predictable as a Real World Episode. Go to a toy store (not Legos people, sex toys) and get some fun dice, scented lubricant or little games you two can play. Also, dressing up in lingerie can make you feel extremely sexy, turning both of you on, to create the type of explosive sex you two haven’t had in a while.

Relive the early stages. Remember when you two first got together, how exciting and nervous you were to go on your first few dates? Put yourself in that mindset again, as if kissing him today is just as new as the first kissed you two shared.

Do something small for each other every day; whether it is leaving their favorite candy in their car on the way to work, or renting his/her favorite movie for a nice relaxing evening. Don’t lose sight of the importance of spending quality time together – in any way you want. It’s what will keep that flame going through the longest – and even hardest – of times.