Okay, maybe “new” is not technically true. But hear me out.We all have that old once-loved pair of perfectly worn-in shoes that are still perfectly functional but are (a) out of fashion, (b) scratched up, or (c) both. Such shoes can often be found at the back of the closet, in hopes that their exteriors will suddenly heal and they will rise, phoenix-like, from the ashes of their fashion faux pas.

But there’s a solution! You can revamp them!

“That’s retarded,” you say. “I mean, yeah, I can take them to a tailor to get them revamped–if I want to spend $80.”

“Listen,” I reply, “for you are the one who is retarded–you can fix them up yourself!”

How? Two words: spray paint.

I ain’t freakin, I ain’t fakin’ it: spray paint works great on leather shoes. Plus, metallics and neons, both of which are very in right now, are two very available spray paint colors.

So grab a can of spray paint (or two, if you’re feeling really creative!) and follow these instructions for your new pair of shoes! Well, new for all intents and purposes.

(1) Find the right place to create your masterpiece. You should set up next to an open window (you don’t want to asphyxiate, right? the fumes are pretty toxic). Spread out some newspaper or old magazines so you don’t stain the floor. And, I mean, REALLY spread ‘em out–don’t underestimate the distance spray paint can spray.

(2) Double-check that the window is open.

(3) Shake your spray paint in the can for about 2 minutes to really loosen up the paint.

(4) Stuff more old newspaper inside your shoes. This helps it keep the shape and also keeps paint from getting on the interior.

(5) Take your sad old shoes and spray the heck out of them. Try to keep the coats of paint steady and consistent. Spray quickly to keep the paint from dripping.

(6) Let it dry for a half hour.

(7) Repeat step 5. Cover that muthaflippa!

(8) Put your shoes outside (if you can’t, put them right next to an open door or window). Let them dry for about four hours, give or take an hour. You want to make sure that they’re dry enough that, when you touch them, no paint comes off on your fingers.

(9) Once they’re completely dry and you’ve brought them back inside, you can remove the newspaper from inside the shoes.

(10) Wear those puppies! Await compliments on your new shoes!

[Image courtesy of http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2392/]