Solid French Top $36, Solid Hipster Tie Bikini $34, both from J.Crew

I know I recently praised the return of the one-piece bathing suit, but today I stumbled upon the most adorable bikini — and I’m pretty sure I would have died if I hadn’t instantly bought it and splurged on the express shipping so that it will arrive at the currently sunny and delicious Dartmouth College asap.

Only the cool kids have summer school, believe you me, and I plan on spending a good chunk of this beer-infused summer camp sporting this little number. The question isn’t whether it’s appropriate to wear a bikini to class, but whether or not it will help me finally seduce that hot government professor I’ve been eyeing since last semester — that was a strictly theoretical example of course.

But more about this swimsuit. Tell me this isn’t the pinnacle of cute? I can see myself sunning on a nice polka-dot towel, pearl earrings, coral toenail polish with a Nalgene full of Malibu and pink lemonade by my side.

If you currently reside within a 25 mile radius of Hanover, you are strictly forbidden to buy said swimsuit under penalty of my wrath, slightly less, but still a terrifying wrath if you buy it in another color. For those who live in other areas, feel free to purchase with reckless abandon.