The first time I chopped a nice frontal fringe, I was in college. I never knew the hard times that came with growing out your bangs because, well, I never had to. So I saw my stylist and cut some bangs because the regular old blonde needed an update. But until today, I never realized the statement my bangs were making. I thought I just needed a change.

Apparently bangs say so much about you, that the New York Times felt the need to write an article about it. Oddly, older women aren’t jealous of the tight, svelte bodies of their younger counterparts. They’re jealous of their bangs.

“To me, they scream: ‘I’m cooler than you, I have a lot of sex, and if you leave your husband with me I’ll devour him,’ ” said Meredith Hays in her interview with the Times.

I mean, maybe I have had a lot of sex. But I certainly never imagined that my bangs had anything to do with my man mojo. In fact, one boyfriend I had in college told me that in every girl there was something trailer park about her. And for me, it was my bangs.

He was also in divinity school, smoked cigs, drank a lot of beer, cried if NC State lost a football game and could give you the history of NC BBQ. And his middle name was Nance. So really, he was the last person to be making a social commentary on classiness.

It seems to me that it isn’t the guys who care so much about the bangs, but the women who think that the bangs make you totally bang-able. “I envy those people who have full-on bangs and have a ‘look’ — people who aren’t afraid to wear leopard prints and who hang out at cool places” said another interviewee.

There was some truth to the article, however, that wasn’t even that ridiculous.

One stylist said that cutting their bangs always seems to be the one-thing women do when they’re drinking. There is also truth in the fact that a spur of the moment bang cutting fiasco can be a result of a larger issue (the stylist said breakups and PMS but, whatever, I’m talking real life change here, like graduating college or being too poor to afford any other life change).

I knew that bangs were making a come back—last fall they were all over the spring runway—so it doesn’t surprise me that the trend has caught on with the young and fashionable. What is surprising is that these women are so torn up about the whole thing. They’re just bangs.

Then again, that life change itch has been plaguing me lately. I have been contemplating dying my hair strawberry blonde and getting another tattoo. I’m not sure why the thought of re-cutting my somewhat grown out bangs didn’t cross my mind. Maybe it has something to do with the 100-degree heat.

Then again, what’s a little sweat when your bangs are the envy of the party?