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Skies are blue, trees are blooming, and temperatures are rising, which can only mean one thing – it’s time to take your godd*mn pants off.
My roommate and I have been experimenting with the pants-free lifestyle for many months now. It began in January when one early Friday evening we were sitting on the couch watching Scrubs reruns, harnessing our chi for a night out on the town.
Me: I don’t wanna wear pants tonight, dude.
My roommate: Yeah man, f*ck pants.
Half an hour later, we emerged from our respective bedrooms, me in a tank top and some sort of shorts/panties half-breed, her in what can best be described as beach loungewear. We threw on our jackets and headed out to the club, where we proceeded to drink whiskey and diets and shake what our mammas gave us until we were so pleasantly exhausted and sweaty we could barely stand any longer and had to call it a night.
The point of this little anecdote? By choosing to forego pants, my roommate and I ensured that we would have a fun evneing. If we had been so foolish as to wear, say, skinny jeans or perhaps high-waisted wide-leg trousers or some other wintry-style clothing garment out that evening, there’s no way we could have enjoyed ourselves to the degree we did. We would have felt restricted and gotten sweaty and would have never stayed until the late-night DJ came on and started busting out old-school James Brown jams. Instead of having a glorious evening, we would have had a low-key, mediocre evening, because pants ruin fun. Period.
There are a number of reasons as to why pants suck so hard. For one, they’re an unnecessary product dreamed up by the fashion marketing powers that be for the sole purpose of making money; the Sweetest Day of the garment world, one might say. Evidence?
Way back in prehistoric times, when people showered in water expelled from the trunks of wooly mammoths and lived lives governed by necessity, there were no pants. Our efficient and resourceful ancestors wore nothing more than chic one-shouldered wraps made of leather because they knew that pants were absurd and superfluous. It wasn’t until 1980 when the Vietnam War ended and The Man took over that pants even became a commonly seen item in everyday society. Pants are nothing more than a product of corporate greed propagated by Calvin Klein.
Additionally, consider when you’re happiest. Perhaps it’s when you’re laying on a sandy beach, soaking up the warm sun. Or maybe it’s when you’re chilling out at home in your bed, cruising Facebook while eating a jar of peanut butter with a spoon. Or possibly it’s when you’re making sweet sweet love to that dude who was giving you the eye at the gym. Frank? Chris maybe? It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that on any of these occasions, the chance that you’re wearing pants is slim to none.
And where are you wearing pants? At the office, in the airport, in class, on the bus, at a funeral, at the dentist’s, in Iraq engaging in hand-to-hand combat, at a taping of the Tyra Banks Show. Everything that sucks involves wearing pants.
So now that spring is here, do yourself a favor and try strolling to Starbucks today in nothing more than some sneakers and a long t-shirt. If your day isn’t 20 to 25% better than average, I’ll spot you a jar of peanut butter.
12 Comments
You do know you just advocated people to wear long t-shirts in public. Worst fashion advice ever. Pants less in a nice long camisole or sun dress would look a lot better.
lol, a late april fools joke perhaps? whats wrong with a skirt or dress? or..ugh.. leggings? otherwise, do us all a favor and keep your pants on. thanks.
So, I would normally be with you considering how much I love walking around my dorm pant-less, but at some point you’re just becoming indecent. Using your logic, I could also advocate not wearing shirts. I really find no compelling evidence to forsake my beautiful Gap Boot-cuts with holes in both knees. Much more comfortable than no pants. Trust me, I’ve tried both.
**Also, pants were around way before Vietnam (yes, for women too!) See: “Nomadic Eurasian horsemen/women such as the Iranian Scythians, along with Achaemenid Persians were among the first to wear trousers.”
(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trousers)
Women, if this is a joke, kudos, but if not- put some pants on.
Sounds like someone did the NO PANTS DANCE!!!!
It’s all fun and games unless you look like this:
http://fitsnews.files.wordpress.com/2007/08/britney-no-pants.jpg
then you have gone too far!
Holy shit. Hell yes. Preach it, mama. Screw pants. Wearing no pants doesn’t make you ‘indecent’. Check it out, ladies: a long shirt or tank top is the same goddamn thing as a dress. And ever since long shirts and tank tops have become trendy, wearing no pants has become even easier. I’m totally behind this movement. Am I gonna walk outside with my ass hanging out? Hells no. That’s not what she’s saying. She’s simply just saying FUCK PANTS. Which, last time I checked, is not an anti-dress/skirt/other church wear statement. Rock the hell on.
WORD.
Hahaha, I don’t know where YOU live but where I live, January is no weather to forego pants.
Skies are blue, trees are blooming, people at STDromance Com are nice, and temperatures are rising, which can only mean one thing – it’s time to take your godd*mn pants off
LOVE THIS. I’m too old to get away with wearing just a long tee, but I am SO with you. In fact, I just bought myself some summer dresses. I think I might wear one today. I might even go one step further. I just might go PANTY-less. Heh.
The pic above? Makes me want to ever so slowly slide those f*ck-me shorts off, bury my head in between those tender, tanned legs and end with my shaft-of-manhood pounding this chick untill she’s screaming her own name. Cuddles
She’s gorgeous. I saw her profile with some photos on the celeb & millionaire dating site ‘ richmatchmaking.com’ . I am curious what kind of relationship she’s looking for
check these shirts out! stupid but funny…
http://www.onfirebeerpong.com/Products/Clothing/College+Tonight+T-Shirt
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