I did not go to a rough and tough urban school where knife fights happened daily and teachers getting punched were regular occurrences.  I did not go to a high school where metal detectors were needed, where kids sold drugs in every corner, or even where hall passes mattered.  My high school was in rural New England — and still, if Adnan Ghalib had tried to walk through the front door looking, talking, and acting like he is today, his ass would get such a beat down there’d be nothing left but that sick little landing strip on his chin.

First of all, even though my public high school was brimming with middle to upper class white kids, even middle to upper class white kids know that certain fashion decisions are worthy of an ass kicking; tight shirts with silk-screened skulls paired with multiple cross necklaces, random newsboy caps, giant sunglasses worn inside, and LANDING STRIPS ON ONE’S FACE are just a few of the things that Adnan wears with wild abandon that would surely mean his demise at my high school.

Secondly, carrying around an obvious pompous assh*le jerk vibe has been known to get certain idividuals thown into dumpters.  Very rarely, an obvious assh*ole jerk would climb the ranks and become a popular assh*ole jerk, but most of the time, Upperclassmen didn’t take too kindly to douchebags who walked around like they owned the place. I knew a kid Sophomore year who tried to hit on a Senior’s girlfriend (even though it was front page school news the senior was dating this chick) and that kid ended up taped to the flagpole — overnight. Read More »

Heath Ledger’s daughter is cute and taken care of

In case you’re sh*tting yourself about the bailout

Britney Spears sounds relatively normal

Sean Penn is confused in a lot of ways

Strangely frightening

Sam and Lindsay BOTH in binkis

Katie Holmes is actually good for theater

Megan Fox’s first toolish-looking boyfriend

What color looks best on you?

No Fly List baby

Letterman ain’t no John McCain fan

Here’s one way to get clean…

Looks like Ms. Spears has taken her pap bf (with the narly chin hair) back. It’s so cute! They both love hats!

I’d like to see someone try this and come out unscathed.

The more men that look like Zach Braff, the better chance I have of falling in love.

If your man is suddenly eating lots of watermelon, it’s probably not because he thinks its tasty.

A faster way to eat fast food.

Because this comes as a shock to….nobody.

Alternative breakfast ideas (that aren’t 8 gillion calories)

Talk about sibling rivalry….

This just in: Britney has finally ceased the madness and allowed herself to be checked into a hospital for at least 72 hours. It’s not completely clear why she’s there (Perezhilton is reporting it may be due to a suicide attempt, and that Brit’s new psychiatrist called the hospital), but because she was committed, she must stay at UCLA Medical Center for three days.

Apparently, B. Spears’s mom wants to take her home to Louisiana once she’s released, to get her away from her paparazzi pals and the douche twins, Sam Lufti and Adnan Ghalib.

Hopefully, all of this will happen, and Britney will get better, and I will stop feeling a personal need to put her in a headlock and march her to rehab myself.

Adnan Ghalib. Britney’s maybe-maybe not-boyfriend.

I know he’s not really worth talking about, considering the fact that he’s selling his story before it’s even dry to national TV and is supposedly married. But I just can’t help myself. I must write this. I must purge this thought from my soul:

Adnan Ghalib has a landing strip on his face!!

Why has no one talked about this?! Why has no gossip blog explored the deep, cavernous chasm that is Ghalib’s utter ridiculousness? I mean, a thirty-five year old man who chases celebrities for a living? Who wears skull belts?! Who has / had a relationship with dirty, crazy Britney Spears?! Who proudly sports spiked hair a la 1998? WHO HAS A LANDING STRIP ON HIS FACE?!?

Whew.

Okay. I feel better now. Like a little bit of evil has just left my body.