I read an article in The New York Times the other day about New York shoppers spending three or four hundred bucks on a pair of sunglasses at stores like Ilori in SoHo. According to the article, market research firm The NPD Group has tracked purchases of luxury goods and, even in this constantly drooping economy, the amount spent on designer sunglasses has gone up while the amount spent on designer purses has gone down.

I’m not at all surprised.

Even more so than a purse or shoes, sunglasses are the first thing people notice about your outfit. You wear them all day and some people, like myself, wear them everyday. So why not drop as much on a pair of Gucci shades as you do on a pair of Manolo’s if you’ve got the spare change?

In recent years sunglasses have become the new It accessory. Pictures of Nicole Richie in oversize glasses that engulfed her tiny head became as ubiquitous in tabloids as pictures of Britney Spear’s cellulite, and the Olsen twins are now more famous for their Ray-Ban Wayfarers than their Balenciaga Motorcycle bags. Even wearing sunglasses at night has become popular with hundreds of pictures of drunk hipsters wearing the Kanye West designed shutter shades in dark clubs on websites like lastnightsparty.com. Read More »

For a while there, it seemed like the world might be turning into one big American Apparel ad: around every New York corner lurked a pair of slim slacks, a tri-blend t-shirt and a pair of those canvas slip-on sneakers from K-Mart, and that’s about where fashion and effort ended. While I understand the Gotham need not try too hard, certain neighborhoods had me feeling constantly overdressed in my (um, I thought) carefree rayon 40’s numbers.

But now, suddenly, at least one fixture of good old international dressing has returned: behold, the hat! Sarah Jessica Parker wore a green creation by Philip Treacy to the London premiere of the Sex and the City movie, complete with a giant rose and acorn-inspired base.

Treacy, a graduate of London’s Royal College of Art, burst onto the scene in the early 90’s by creating a wedding headdress for his muse, late fashion editor Isabella Blow. He (obviously) tends to go vertical with his pieces, often using feathers and butterflies (an all-butterfly headpiece was also worn by Princess Beatrice recently to the Peter Philips’s royal nuptials).

“Hats can make a boring outfit come to life,” says vintage collector Anne Schutterlin. “They’re like those beautiful flourishes on top of a cake that make it taste even better!” Read More »

Okay. This needs to be said. The time has come.

Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.
I repeat: Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.

Yesterday, Gawker (a site usually so snarky and cynical they probably wear American Apparel clothes just to be ironic), posted an article about how the Lilo / Ronson lesbian affair might really be the real thing, and listed all these points that kind of prove the two are in a relationship. Their biggest piece of evidence? A picture on Sam’s MySpace page that shows her and Lindsay “kissing”.

See how I put the word kissing in quotes? That’s because the picture is pretty much the weakest thing I’ve ever seen. I have more passionate kisses with my Christian Bale poster that’s been in my bedroom since 8th grade. There’s more heat in a handshake than in that picture.

Lindsay Lohan is not a lesbian.

What she is, is media savvy. Read More »

No, read that a little slower. I don’t want it ruff, I want a ruff. Okay, maybe I want it, too, but if that were the main theme of this article, I would have used the correct spelling of the word. Moving on.

I remember going to the circus once in my life and not being particularly enchanted by it. The modern acts didn’t thrill me at age 6, and I certainly wouldn’t pay a couple hundred dollars now to watch unhappy, mistreated animals plod around with their heads down, or to laugh at completely generic, mindless slapstick comedy routines (that’s what George Bush and Britney Spears are for). There’s something I’ve always loved, however, about antique circus art, be it from the harlequin-oriented Victorian era or the tattooed 20’s. Where are today’s knife throwers, horseback dancers and puddle divers?

I suppose most of them probably died practicing their craft, and not many have attempted to recreate the feats more recently. I know I wouldn’t. Read More »

When the romper (or playsuit, or onesie, or whatever else you want to call it) started to make a comeback last year, my friends and I scoffed. Oversexed American Apparel models showed off velor strappy shorts-and-tank-top hybrids, and I thought to myself: dear God, this can not be happening.

Rompers are for the fashion weirdos, like Chloe Sevigny, but I feared they might start popping up on the general public as well. “You are not five years old”, I thought to myself. “You do not need a one-piece playsuit”.

Well, a year came and went, and now Spring is here and once again the romper is prevalent in stores such as Urban Outfitters and Brooklyn Industries. I popped into my favorite thrift store a few weekends ago with my best friend, and tucked in among the racks of dresses, I spied it: a red velor American Apparel romper. “I’m going to try this on, just to see how ridiculous it looks” I said, adding it to my pile of finds.

I tried it on and emerged from the dressing room, expecting my friend to burst into laughter. She didn’t. Read More »

Dear American Apparel Cotton Spandex Jersey Strapless Ruched Dress –

From the first time that I saw you, I knew I had to have you. It was a cold afternoon in winter when my roommate came in from a shopping trip downtown and announced that she had found a new favorite dress. She went into her bedroom, and emerged shortly thereafter wearing beautiful, classic you. I remember how lovely you looked, so artfully simple with your long cylindrical shape and your sexy little ruched detailing, drawing attention to the tatas. I remember us discussing your versatility, how you so easily went from below the knee to just under the ladyparts with just a bit of bunching. I remember admiring the way you wrapped yourself around my roommate’s body so tightly in your spandexy embrace. It was amour at first sight.

Months went by, but I still didn’t make my move. Then, last weekend, the weather became warm and balmy and my roommates and I decided to have some friends over for a barbecue. Instantly I had a vision of you and I, lounging together in the sun, enjoying a margarita. I knew it was time. Read More »

Spring is officially here, but for those of us up north, it’s still pretty darn cold! It’s like we’re being taunted–cute summer dresses in the shops, bright colors are everywhere, but you’re still stuck in your winter wear. What to do?

Get yourself some tights!

Basic black tights (I usually get mine at Target) are perfect for wearing under those frilly summer dresses–just add a cute cardigan to keep your top half warm as well.

But tights don’t just come in black anymore–you can find a whole range of crazy colors (and patterns) at places like American Apparel, H&M and Urban Outfitters. Brightly colored tights look great peaking out from under your drab winter coat, or paired with your usual basic black/grey/brown winter dresses and sweaters.

So you don’t have to wait to buy that new flower-print halter dress you’ve been eying…just make sure to grab a pair of tights on your way to the register!

The Setting: an American Apparel store in Brooklyn
The Characters: 2 girls, about 13 years old, and me

And, scene:

I am waiting to try on some cropped cotton pants, which will be perfect for the new gym I joined.

“Ugh, this is SO tight, I look SO fat!” says one 13 year old girl. She and her friend are occupying the only dressing rooms.

She emerges, in a backless leotard and a skin-tight mini skirt.

Her friend emerges as well, in gold lame hot pants.

“No, you look cute! I like it!”

“But like, you can see my back.”

“Yeah but it’s so cute! My ass looks huge in these,” she says, as they stand in the open dressing room, preening and posing in front of the harshly lit mirror. I am still waiting, but they don’t seem to notice, instead gazing like Narcissus at the river. How inappropriate, I think, that 13-year-old girls are trying on gold lame hot pants. Then I look around and see the life-sized photographs of underage models staring down at me. They look drugged out. They are overly sexualized. Suddenly I don’t want the pants anymore. I throw them down and leave. Read More »

A lot of people have told me that they are eternally grateful to be on my good side. It seems that I can be quite a biatch if I don’t like you, someone you hang out with, or something you said or did in the past. Or if you are wearing something ugly and unflattering. Or if you mess with one of my friends. Or if I’m drunk and feeling rather confrontational. Or…well, the possibilities are endless.

The weird thing is that while I have absolutely no problem standing my ground and being a total bitch in certain situations, I am actually petrified of confrontation. Even in the most minor of cases. Like when I was at American Apparel the other day; I tried on fifteen things and decided I didn’t want any of them. But instead of telling the hipster sales dude that, I told him I would have to run to my car to grab my wallet. And I never returned.

If I can’t even give the dude at American Apparel “bad news,” imagine how bad I am with things that really matter. Like breaking things off with people.

If I hookup/go on a date with someone and don’t really feel anything (like, I don’t know…an orgasm?) I ignore their calls and emails until they get the point. If I’m feeling guilty or the guy is just not getting the hints, I will break the news in a text or email. Read More »

When it comes to Christmas presents its easy to forget man’s best friend. I mean, who’s there for you after a long day’s work? Who will cuddle with you during those long, lonely nights? Who will offer up kisses when nobody else will?

It’s unconditional love!

So, in addition to bones, treats, and snacks for your little pup, you could always splurge on an outfit for your mutt! Perfect, right?

In theory, sure. Maybe you have a little dog who needs the extra layers when it’s January and -25 degrees outside. Maybe you throw doggie boots on him when it’s icy (or you live in a city where the sidewalks may tear up your puppy’s feet).

But you know what I do have a problem with?

Hipster dog outfits.

Since when does a dog need clothing from American Apparel? Read More »