In this episode, the Lohans FINALLY get to Vegas! They didn’t fly there in a private jet though, which I’m gonna admit was a bit of a let down (I expected some major control issues and perhaps Dina’s debut as a pilot), and there was no liquor fueled dramz. While the episode was age appropriately absent of hard booze, it was heavy on the whine.

For some reason, Ali chooses to adopt an even more nasally tone for this 25 minute tribute to ungratefulness. She complains in this obnoxious tantrum pending voice about all of the trials life has delivered to her. Like the fact that she, her awesome brother and (arguably) cool mom have to live in a tricked out penthouse at the Palms while she records her album. I guess it gets pretty taxing when you’re attending all of these exhausting “Welcome to Vegas!” parties (with delicious looking cake) thrown just for you by the f*#king Maloufs.

Ugh, sorry about that. Anyways, Dina introduces Ali (who is wearing a gorgeous but way too mature minidress) to a bunch of important 30 something guys that she wants Ali to “get comfortable with.” Dina baby, they’re mentally undressing your 14 year old — not very comfort inducing, I would say. The men all flirt with Ali while she fidgets, present her the aforementioned cake (note to self, go buy something with chocolate as soon as I’m done writing) and begin an episode long tradition of complimenting Ali and promising her she’s the next big thing. Read More »

Last night, around 12:30 AM, I had a question. My brother had a desperate need for Wendy’s. We had 15 minutes, and somehow made another sibling rivalry discussion look easy (and English teachers everywhere cringe).

(23:56) Me: Can I ask you a question?

(23:56) The Bro: Ya, but hurry. I really wanna go to Wendy’s.

(23:57) Me: well, let’s say a girl walks into Wendy’s…and you’re standing in line behind her, and she’s wearing a short skirt and low shirt. Do you think her clothing gives you the right to stare at her?

(23:57) The Bro: hmm, the right? That’s funny wording

(23:58) Me: maybe “the right to ogle her”

(23:58) The Bro: I mean, technically, it’s my right to look at anything in a public place. Men look at breasts automatically. It isn’t something we do on purpose. We can train ourselves not to. Like for example, when I see MaryAnne, I know she has huge boobs. So I stare at her eyebrows. HARD. Or I look past her.

(00:00) Me: but if a girl’s wearing a cleavage-showing shirt…and she catches you staring…what do you do? Read More »