While biking up an extraordinarily large and difficult hill in Spin class this morning (made even more difficult by the night of binge drinking that preceded it), I was startled out of my zone by a rather raucous shout of, “COME ON, BABY!” I wasn’t sure who was screaming, or who baby was, but I didn’t care; I lost my groove. I started feeling the pain in my legs, the burning in my quads, and my whole ride was off. But I kept going. And so did she.

“WOO”“LET’S DO THIS!”“PEDAL. DO IT DO IT DO IT.” It was quite clear that this loud and rather burly woman was screaming at herself - pushing herself – but, why? Was there something wrong with internal dialogue?? With all the adrenaline pumping through my body, I wanted to pull a Christopher Carter and knock that bitch off her bike. Read More »

Hold on your barf bags, girls. This is gonna get disgusting.

A 5-foot tall, 42-year-old mother of five from Sussex, England was recently arrested and charged with sexually assaulting a 6-foot tall acquaintance.

Tanya Hutchinson claims that when she and her friend (who can’t be named for legal reasons…and the possibility that women all over the world might want to kill him) climbed into bed at 11 AM on a Thursday afternoon last June, the sex was completely consensual. The man she slept with claimed that Hutchinson dropped date-rape drugs into his wine and molested him.

After cops barged into her house and arrested her in front of her 7-year-old son, they took her back to the station and interrogated her for hours, asking mortifying questions about her sexual escapades with the man in question.

Hutchinson claimed that she had grown close to the man, an old business acquaintance of her husband’s, after her divorce, and a few dates into their relationship came to believe that even though the man was still married, he was separated from his wife.

“He told me that he thought ours would be a special, long-lasting relationship and he spoke of taking me on a trip to Portugal.” Hutchinson said, “I began to believe we had a future together.”

Which was why, when he appeared at her door at 11 AM on that June afternoon with two bottles of wine, she thought it was okay that it was “very clear he was there for sex.” Read More »

Ladies, take note: the magazine that we love to hate, Cosmopolitan, is touting the sex trend du jour. It seems that gray-rape is the new date rape!

What is gray-rape? It’s the type of rape that happens after you protest having sex with someone but they go ahead anyway after you black out after one too many Smirnoff shots and cheep beer at your local frat’s beer pong competition.

Sigh. Who knew I would yearn for the days that Cosmo published articles that merely warned us that we are most likely to get attacked and raped in the summertime because of flimsy outfits?

Until winter rolls around, when we’re most vulnerable because we’re less on guard, or something. And on vacation, because we leave our inhibitions and tasers at the door.

Oh, and on any old day, coming home from work, because we’re less paranoid of attackers lurking in the bushes when we’re close to home.

And now they’re telling us we have not-quite-rape to worry about?

I don’t know about you, but I think that saying “no” and promptly passing out sends a pretty clear message: “Even if I wanted to sleep with you, which I don’t, I would not be physically able to participate in intercourse as evidenced by the fact that I am not awake for it.” Read More »