If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the last four years, it’s this: Girls. Dig. A**holes.

Seriously. There are a lot of us who actually ENJOY meeting - and dating – this special breed of douche.

Okay. I might be EXTREMELY overgeneralizing here, but I have seen a wide range of chicks fall for guys who treat them like absolute sh*t. I’ve seen girls who stick with their sub-par lovers for years and can’t give you a straight answer as to why they put up with it.

I probably fall into this category as well; nice guys like me all the time, yet I constantly shy away from them in favor of their more dramatic/mysterious/douchebag-y counterparts.

This might be like flossing a dead horse - or watching a Tina Fey as Sarah Palin SNL skit (again, not that I’m complaining!), but seriously, why the hell do nice guys finish last? And whose fault is it, really?

A few of my theories : Read More »

The next day, Chuck and I went out to dinner after work, as we often did. This time, however, something was different: we were quiet, awkward even…not like our usual selves. The whole day had been a mess really–I didn’t think it was appropriate for us to be holding hands or kissing in front of our co-workers, so instead we had avoided each other like the plague. Flirting, which had previously come naturally to us, seemed inappropriate, as though at any moment someone would figure us out.

After dinner we kissed quickly and went our separate ways. Ugh.

I went back to our mutual friend for some back-up. “What the hell is going on? I thought Chuck liked me!”

“Do you like him?”

“Um. Of course I do! He is the nicest boy I’ve ever met, and he always treats me so well.”

“Maybe you only like him because he likes you.”

OK, fine, maybe part of the appeal was knowing I wouldn’t be rejected, but when I thought about it long and hard, I really cared about Chuck, and I wanted him to be happy.

“Do you think maybe you kissed him because you knew it meant so much to him?” Read More »

We all know him. We all have one: the best guy friend who secretly has a crush on you, and has always had a crush on you, but has sat idly by while you date total assholes. He’s there when you get your heart broken, and he never takes advantage of your vulnerability.

Then, in the movies, you wake up one day and realize that he’s the perfect guy, and that you are madly in love with him. You tell him, preferably outside when it’s raining, and you both live happily ever after.

If only.

The summer after my Freshman year, I was working your typical slave-labor job and licking my wounds after breaking up with my first real boyfriend. To comfort myself, I started dating this total asshole; he didn’t really care about me, but loved leading me on.

My best friend from work, lets call him Chuck, tried to give me advice on the situation, since I always seemed to be upset. “We got in a huge fight last night, and he kicked me out of his car!” I would whine, and he would tell me I was too good for that guy, that I should just move on.

It was obvious to everyone (besides me, of course) that Chuck was falling for me big time, and every time I talked to him about my asshole rebound boy, I was just making things worse. I was clueless. Read More »

My girlfriends are always freakin’ out about dudes. And I can’t really blame them. After all, it is rare that you find a grown up one. And it is even more rare that you find an emotionally available one. (Who is also grown up).

It’s no wonder that so many girls obsess over the contact and signals they receive from a guy they have recently met or started a sort of relationship with. After all, this is usually a guy’s chance to pull out every asshole card he has. And how the hell are girls supposed to read that?

Either you’re dealing with a genuine asshole… Or you’re dealing with a nice guy who’s playing his asshole cards to win his upper hand with you.

And lets face it, if you catch the nice guy who is playing the nice cards…well, we never want that guy, anyway.

So how do you get him to drop his horseshit facade and call you back when YOU want him to call back?

Well, there are actually some pretty basic things to keep in mind: Read More »

I’ve talked about American Apparel before. Those ads that look like porn with bad lighting? Those models who may or may not be underage but who are definitely bored and affected?Well, it gets better.

A contributor for Jezebel (one of the funniest gossip sites out there) recently wrote about her experience working at the enigma that is A. Apparel, proving that it’s not just their ads that are pretensions and strange.

“I thought cocaine was kind of scandalous when I started working at American Apparel. And so I naturally found it kind of scandalous that a major coke dealer actually served as a kind of informal HR chief for many of the American Apparel stores in New York.” The Jezebel story begins, going on to explain about the monstrosity that is Dov Charney—the Canadian founder of A.A. Read More »

Joe Francis is more than just a sleazebag rich kid who cajoles drunk girls into making out and flashing their boobs.

He’s more than a crybaby who had a panic attack in jail and was tied up in his own home. He’s more than an obnoxious frat boy in a designer suit.

Joe Francis is a good guy.

At least according to Joe Francis.

Meetjoefrancis.com is the Girls Gone Wild creator’s new online endeavor to show the world that his past behavior was all a misunderstanding…something he’s been plagued by his whole life.

“I’m excited to have this opportunity to introduce myself to you personally.” Francis writes on his homepage.

“Over the years, I’ve gotten used to being misunderstood.”

“From as early as the first grade, when a teacher’s aide took offense at my efforts to get her attention by putting a tack on her chair, to more recently, when a certain Southern judge took a relentless interest in putting me behind bars, it seems that I have been in a constant struggle just to be understood as a regular guy trying to get by in life.”

Putting a tack on someone’s chair to get attention? More like putting a tack on someone’s chair to watch them sit on a tack and laugh. Read More »

Hold on your barf bags, girls. This is gonna get disgusting.

A 5-foot tall, 42-year-old mother of five from Sussex, England was recently arrested and charged with sexually assaulting a 6-foot tall acquaintance.

Tanya Hutchinson claims that when she and her friend (who can’t be named for legal reasons…and the possibility that women all over the world might want to kill him) climbed into bed at 11 AM on a Thursday afternoon last June, the sex was completely consensual. The man she slept with claimed that Hutchinson dropped date-rape drugs into his wine and molested him.

After cops barged into her house and arrested her in front of her 7-year-old son, they took her back to the station and interrogated her for hours, asking mortifying questions about her sexual escapades with the man in question.

Hutchinson claimed that she had grown close to the man, an old business acquaintance of her husband’s, after her divorce, and a few dates into their relationship came to believe that even though the man was still married, he was separated from his wife.

“He told me that he thought ours would be a special, long-lasting relationship and he spoke of taking me on a trip to Portugal.” Hutchinson said, “I began to believe we had a future together.”

Which was why, when he appeared at her door at 11 AM on that June afternoon with two bottles of wine, she thought it was okay that it was “very clear he was there for sex.” Read More »

“My name is Tucker Max, and I am an asshole,” or so begins Tucker Max’s website. And he ain’t lying.

Tucker Max is the author of his—fittingly narcissistic—self-titled website, where he has published over 80 very detailed stories about his ridiculous sex soirées. This guy is a true work of art. He published this disclaimer:

“If you are a reasonably intelligent female, it should be obvious that you don’t want to date me. I am shallow, narcissistic, self-absorbed, and insufferably arrogant. I have no desire to commit to anything beyond a cell phone contract. At any given time, I am fucking multiple women, and will not give up that sexual freedom for a partner.”

He writes the most grotesque (but addictively entertaining) stories about banging midgets, trying anal sex and dating (and getting sued by) Miss Vermont. Oh yea, there was also that story about a girl who tattooed “I fucked Tucker Max” on her vajayjay three hours after meeting him. Read More »