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Turn that frown upside down…with semen!

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Apparently, teen girls are more impressionable than we thought

…which might explain the trend of Baby Stilletos

Good news, everybody! Now you can get a free sample of a really creepy vaginal contraceptive product!

It’s a piece of spermicidized film that “is manually inserted high into the vagina” to prevent pregnancy. However, not only do you have to really get that shiz up in there (and I mean REALLY up in there–check the little illustration), it’s not even as effective as a condom.

According to Planned Parenthood, the spermicide used in this product is not very effective.

And just for your own purposes, here is another pretty good resource: GoAksAlice.

I don’t know. I mean, on the one hand, the site offers a free sample (and God knows I love a free sample, almost as much as I like a wide-legged pant…but I digress). So it won’t cost you anything to try it out.

Unless, of course, you get pregnant as a result.

And then it’ll cost you a whole lotta baby (and maybe some unwanted baby daddy too).

Well, I don’t know. I haven’t used it. Anybody here tried VCF? Am I totally off base?

Just kidding, but with all the relentless (and unprotected) celebrity sex stuff going on recently, that sort of thing wouldn’t be hard to believe.

In case you’re not big into tabloids (but of course you are, since like, what else is there to read these days?), Little Spears isn’t the only one on the fast and furious “accidentally pregnant” train. 22-year-old singer Lilly Allen announced she’s carrying Chemical Brothers musician Ed Simons’s baby almost at the exact second Jamie Lynn jumped onto the cover of Ok! Magazine, while beating out both starlets in the baby drama department was presidential hopeful John Edwards.

That’s right. John Edwards. The guy with the hair. Who’s running for president.

Apparently, some chick told the National Enquirer a few months back that Edwards cheated on his sick wife with her, leaving her sperminated and disgraced.

The news today is that an “ex-key official” in Edwards’s campaign (who has a family of his own) is actually the baby daddy, allowing Edwards to have some of his integrity back, but not all, since he totally had a lying bastard working for him. Read More »

Forget birth control, forget condoms. I have found IT. And by IT I mean the foolproof way to stop teenage/unwanted pregnancies, stop the spread of std’s, hell–it might even stop you from wanting to have sex (I said might). Okay, all of the above may put Maury Povich out of a job- but I’m pretty sure my idea is like, uh, genius. How come no one has ever thought of this before? Sure all those conservative-good-Christian-political people preach teaching abstinence only education as a way to stop std’s and pregnancies out of wedlock (which is clearly not working in this country) and those a bit more liberal preach the importance of teaching safe sex practices and forms of birth control. I am not discounting that. BUT I do think my idea is a fantabulous new way to put a halt to this “who’s my baby-daddy” nonsense going on in our society right now.

Where did this brilliant idea come from? Wellllll, moving back home for the summer has made my Friday and Saturday nights … different (to say the least). I have traded in shots and bar crawls for yoga class and early bird movies. Partayyy, I know. The past two nights, I have seen Knocked Up and Waitress, both which have given me the inspiration for a new found form of birth-control. Read More »