1. YOUR FRIEND’S ROOMMATE

In this wacky age of co-ed cohabitation, it’s common to spot a likely young man in your friend’s apartment. At first, it can seem natural to make out with him. You have so much in common! For example: you both spend a lot of time in his apartment! There is nothing more erotic, for two people, than seeing each other ALL THE DAMN TIME. Am I right?

I am wrong. Face facts: you are going to stop sleeping with this guy. I don’t know what you do with people you’ve stopped sleeping with, but I, being Amish, shun them for life. It is the only way. Unfortunately, this gentleman’s proximity to your friend means that, when you call a ceasefire on the boning - or when he calls it, which can happen - you’re going to have to stay friendly.

It’s going to suck.

2. DUDE YOU MET ON CRAIGSLIST

There is only one dude you meet on Craigslist. He has many disguises - horny lawyer, horny accountant, horny ice cream truck man - but he is the same dude. He’s a magical shapeshifter!

He’s also a shady perv. Dude You Met On Craigslist thinks that a perfect date would consist of tying you to his radiator and making you watch the puppet shows he performs with human organs. Some of them would be yours.

This may seem like a radical assumption, but I’ve had my fact-checkers look into this, and they concur: that dude you met on Craigslist is creepy.

Also, they are all dead. Read More »

Sex toys are great. They’re empowering. They’re sexy. They help you
to figure out your body and have more fun, alone or with a partner.

Yes, sex toys are a blessing for us all.

Except when they aren’t.

Sad to say, not all sex toys are invented by brilliant Swedish feminist engineers who work with an eye toward improving society one orgasm at a time. Some of them - many of them, in fact - are designed by scary cheeseballs with a limited sense of anatomy and the sensibility of a coked-up frat brother. That is to say, some of them are ugly, ill-functioning, and just plain gross.

When you go sex toy shopping (which you ought to) odds are high that you may encounter some of these terrors. Hopefully, you’ll have researched the subject at a reliable, pro-girl website - like, say, babeland.com - and will know enough to steer around them. But, to further assist you in your shopping choices, I offer this column, dedicated to the worst of the lot.

Check out the NSFW Latex Sex Toys after the jump Read More »