If my life was a movie, I’d look jaw-dropping-hot in a little black dress, and every college hook-up would involve a Freddie Prinze, Jr. lookalike leaning in for a kiss, while Six Pence None the Richer’s “Kiss Me” plays in the background. But, since my life is not She’s All That, my spit-swapping stories involve a lot of liquor, and a lot of regrets. There’s a Now! That’s What I Call Music CD out there with Aaron Carter’s “Aaron’s Party (Come Get It)” on the track listing. I know this because it made up the soundtrack of a one night stand a few years ago. Yeah, that’s how my sex life goes down.

Life doesn’t come equipped with an orchestra. If your sexcapades, like your iTunes, are on shuffle, here are a few songs you probably don’t want on your playlist.

1. “Dat Baby”–Shawty Putt feat. Lil Jon

With a chorus of “Dat baby don’t look like me,” and an opening line, “Dat baby ain’t mine… I’m sorry, bitch you heard Maury,” this jam is an instant libido-killer. The last thing a guy wants to hear as he’s sliding into home base is “You are NOT the father!” Sure, you’re using protection, but condoms aren’t 100% effective…paternity tests, on the other hand, don’t lie. Besides, no woman wants to find out that her cute college hookup won’t take responsibility if an accident does happen. Read More »

I have a confession to make. I may or may not have strong hipster inclinations. You really can’t blame me for this turn of events, the signs were there for years: obsession with knowing the newest bands, very experimental fashion, rolling my brown eyes at people who actually watch the music videos on MTV and think that the Pussycat Dolls actually fall under the category of “good music”.

Moving to New York for the term just made everything worse. Suddenly I was with my own kind, it was like coming home for a family reunion. Only the hipsters I saw, well they were way more hip than me. Read More »