All of us girls have played out this scenario in our heads multiple times (and if we haven’t, then our parents have and they’ve been sure to articulate the matter more than once)…

We are walking down a dark alley (why are we always in these dark alleys?) and we get attacked. By a hostile stranger. He wants to steal our purse or rape us or kill us or all three. How do we defend ourselves?

Well, many women have come up with their own protection system. Some don’t walk alone at night. Others have invested time and money into self defense courses. And still others opt for the bad ass route of the knife, the mace, or the…taser gun.

The taser gun has actually been growing in popularity these days…but I have some questions for the women who are orchestrating this new taser marketing campaign: Read More »

Whether you celebrate Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza, or some other holiday that not many people know about, you have undoubtedly received a gift that made you cringe, bite your lip to keep your mouth from saying something rude, or eyes water from the sheer ugliness factor.

While awesome presents are fun to receive, crappy presents are fun to talk about. So here, in no particular order, are three of the stupidest things I have received in recent memory.

* Box of Sparkly Body Spray – When I was 12, I freakin’ loved sparkly things. I would have killed for something like this in my teenybopper phase. However, once I turned, oh, say 22, I had pretty much left my gaudy taste behind. Too bad a long lost relative didn’t get the memo. When I opened this present—a set of three different kinds of pink, sparkly, heavily scented body sprays with Barbie heads as bottle stoppers—I was immediately mortified for everyone in the room. Either this relative was so out of touch with reality she thought Barbie was still something I enjoyed, or she had just totally and obviously re-gifted. Read More »

So, has anyone else noticed that dolls are getting really slutty?

First, the world had to deal with Bratz. Strange, big headed dolls with too much make-up and really skanky outfits. Dolls that—as far as I can tell—are totally aimed at creating 4th grade fashion disasters.

Besides making it seem cool to be so skinny your head looks like a watermelon, Bratz embody insipidness, sluttiness, and vapidness, limiting girls’ imaginations to taking their dolls to the “mall”, buying their dolls “stuff”, and seeing how many times their doll is mistaken for a hooker on the doll sidewalk.

Gone are the days when girls would be satisfied with a long, frilly pink dress for their dolls. Gone are the innocent one-piece bathing suits and “career” outfits. Now, thigh high stockings, tiny shirts, and skirts so short you can totally almost see plastic doll butt are all the rage.

Illustrating this disgusting theory even further is Barbie’s—or rather, Mattell’s—answer to the Bratz dynasty: My Scene Barbie. Read More »

Spring has sprung, and so has the girliest makeup match-up of them all. M.A.C Cosmetics…and Barbie.

The two have paired up to launch an entire line of cosmetics, and each new lipstick makes the perfect solution to those dry lips left from the winter cold. Inspired by none other than the iconic doll herself, the lipsticks are $14 and come in five ultra-feminine shades - the brick red “Modern Ms.”, the plum pearled “Sweet & Single,” the subtle pink “Style It Up,” the glamorous pink “Real Doll,” and the hot pink “Rocking Chick.”

The line also includes eye shadows and mascaras, and they wouldn’t at all be complete without Barbie’s trademark logo on each casing.

We all know that M.A.C makes one of the smoothest, silkiest, lipstickiest (huh?) lipstick of them all. Really awesome quality, and worth the extra few bucks. And with a little help this spring from Barbie, how can a girl go wrong?

Purchase your own “Barbie Loves M.A.C Lipstick”

Or, you know, from your friendly auctioneers at Ebay.